Sleep is for the weak: Sleep training week 1

We often ask just about every parent we meet, "How did you get your kids to sleep?  How did you put them down for naps?"

One answer we have consistently heard was, "Hmm...you know, I don't remember."

Well, that's not going to be us.  We're no loser, I-can't-remember parents!  So, we're going to note it down on this blog.  And hopefully you can glean some helpful information from our journey.  Or at least learn what not to do :)

This is week 1 of our serious sleep-training for Camille.

Thursday, February 3 (Lunar New Year)
To be honest, I don't remember much of this day.  It was the first day that we put forth an earnest effort to sleep train Camille.

It all started the day before, Wednesday.  We had dinner at Chung & Alice's (Chin's brother & sister-in-law) that evening and Chin made a comment that Camille would be sleep trained by now if it hadn't been for my unwillingness to let her cry it out.

This comment hurt me a lot, actually.  It was alarming that at 6 months, Camille could not fall asleep without the aid of being nursed, rocking (which usually involves crying anyway), riding in a car seat, or being carried in a carrier.  It also called my attention to being more united with Chin on this sleep-training front.

So I decided that the next day, I would try to see if there was truth behind Chin's comment -- whether Camille could be trained to sleep if she were left to cry.  I've always believed that it could work.  I just don't know if it would be a good fit for Camille's temperament and our lifestyle.

For the first nap of the day, I calmed her down, read her a book, and sang to her some sleepy time tunes (songs that I've been singing to her around bedtime since she was born).  The book we read had a scary gorilla on the front page and it freaked her out a little.  Okay, perhaps not the best choice.  So, I put her down in her crib, told her that I loved her, stroked her fro, and said, "It's time to take a little nap!"

She cried for about 25 minutes before falling asleep.  And then she woke up after 15 minutes and cried for about 10 minutes.  Altogether, there was probably 35 minutes of crying for 70 minutes of sleeping.

That afternoon, she napped for about 40 minutes in the car seat while I was running errands.

That evening, she napped for about 25 minutes in the car seat again.

I nursed her at our normal time, 10:00pm, and she fell asleep pretty quickly.

All in all, she seemed a bit tired and docile after the crying-out session.  The crying really dug at my spirit.  Chin was right, deep down I was really bothered by her desperate cries.

Friday, February 4

• Early, early morning, I think she woke up twice to nurse.  I can't remember exactly.
• 9:15 woke up
• 11:30 put down to crib, played, turned 90 degrees and starts kicking crib rails, laughing
• 11:40 I go in and picked her up to turn her around, gave her a little hug, put her down in crib, she started crying shortly thereafter
• 11:54 she's out!
• 12:36 up and crying
• 12:41 back to sleep
• 12:50 up again
• 1:15 fiiiinally back to sleep
• 2:10 woke up, nursed
• 3:45 put down to crib, started crying
• 3:50 she's out!
• 5:40 I had to go in to wake her up because we had a dinner to go to at OCB :)
• 7:30 napped in carrier at OCB for ~ 30 minutes
• 10:00 started night time feeding
• 10:45 she nursed until I was completely drained, but was still not asleep.  I sent Chin in with a bottle, she took about .5 oz - this girl still does not want to take the bottle!  She was pleasant and not crying, but we knew she was tired.
• 11:15 we put her in the crib and let her cry - the first time we've ever let her cry it out at night.
• 11:31 she's out!

Saturday, February 5

• She woke up twice to nurse.  Pretty uneventful, though.
• 10:00 woke up playing in crib
• 11:55 put down for nap
• 12:05 she's out
• 1:20 woke up, nursed
• 3:30 fell asleep on the way to Ikea
• 3:55 woke up in the As-Is section at Ikea.  We tried to get her to go back to sleep but were not successful.
• 7:13 cried "loud and violently"
• 7:39 went to sleep
• 7:48 woke up
• 7:56 back down
• 8:05 woke up for good. Then Chin & I had a conversation, debating whether to continue with cry-it-out.  It was a hard talk.  We decided not to continue it.
• 10:00 nursed to sleep
• 10:42 Chin wrote a blog entry about us stopping the cry-it-out training

Overall not a great sleeping day.

Sunday, February 6

• 4:30 woke up to feed. She woke up when I put her back into the crib.  I let her cry and she was out in less than 5 minutes.  "What?  You're going to let her cry?  I thought we decided not to do that," Chin said.  I replied, "I just don't see it working out any other way.  I am too tired to rock her to sleep."  Chin agreed.
• 9:30 woke up playing, Chin takes her and also composes a "proposal for sleep training."  It's pretty sweet. :)
• 11:15 nursed (at church)
• 12:40 fell asleep in car
• 1:15 woke up at Jumbo dim sum restaurant (who can blame her?)
• 2:15 nursed
• 3:30 put down for nap, cried for < 20 minutes, I think
• 5:00 woke up, nursed
• 8:15 napped in carrier
• 8:40 woke up
• 9:30 bedtime feeding, played and took a long time to fall asleep
• 10:17 finally asleep (took a lot longer than usual)

Another not-great sleeping day.

Monday, February 7

• Woke up twice to feed.  Again, I don't recall what time it was.  I tend to block out those painful memories.
• 9:30 woke up, played in crib, EC'd, nursed, played, blah blah blah
• 11:10 put down for nap, started crying
• 11:15 out!
• 12:45 woke up, played in crib
• 1:10 nursed
• 2:15 nursed a little again
• 3:03 put down for nap
• 3:08 she's out
• 5:50 woke up (prior to waking up, she was stirring a little bit but no crying), very pleasant, nursed
• 8:10 Chin wanted me to put her in the carrier to see if she would fall asleep, she nodded off a few times
• 8:45 Definitely not sleeping, wanted to play
• 9:45 bedtime feeding, fell asleep by 10:10

Great day, if you ask me! :)  I also noticed that Camille has less of that docile look and she is back to her interactive self.  I would say that she is even happier.  Perhaps because she is finally getting the much needed rest.

Tuesday, February 8

• 1:40 woke, fed on one side
• 4:55 woke, fed on other side, put back into crib but woke up, fed other side, back to sleep by 6:00, put back into crib around 6:15 but woke up and played
• 6:35 changed, fed again, woke after having fallen asleep, blah blah blah, walked around, rocked on bouncy ball for 5 mins
• 7:15 fiiinally back to sleep in crib!
• 9:10 woke up, played in crib for 20 minutes, changed
• 9:50 nursed
• 11:20 put down for first nap, started crying
• 11:24 sleeping
• 12:54 woke up playing in crib, very pleasant
• 3:03 put down for nap
• 3:05 out!
• 3:47 woke up, started crying
• 3:51 stopped crying, but started playing and turned 90 degrees
• 3:54 I went in to turn her around and put the pillows back on top of her. (We put two heavy pillows on top of her while she sleeps.  The weight of the pillows calm her.)  Started crying.
• 3:58 back to sleep
• 5:15 woke up, played in crib, changed, fed
• 7:30 asleep in car
• 7:55 woke up
• 9:30 nursed to sleep, took a while to actually fall asleep

Wednesday, February 9

• 2:15 fussed a little, picked up and rocked for 5 mins
• 3:50 woke up to feed, right back to sleep
• 5:08 up again for feeding
• 6:55 up again to ruin my life (changed, fed)
• 8:45 woke up playing
• 9:15 fed, not very well
• 10:57 fed again a little bit
• 11:05 down, already asleep from nursing
• 12:57 woke up, pleasant
• 3:08 put down for nap, crying
• 3:19 out
• 3:55 woken up by the damn squeaky kitchen faucet knobs, started crying after 3-4 minutes
• 4:06 out again
• 5:18 woke up, pleasant, nursed
• From 7 to 8:30, she showed signs of being pretty tired but did not fall asleep in the carrier and, after crying for over 10 minutes, she was just not going down.  Oh well.
• 9:00 nursed, fell asleep
• 9:45 put her down in crib, woke up, nursed a little bit again, back to sleep

There.  More to come...

Sleep is for the weak: Back on

Oh, it's back on...like Donkey Kong!  Slightly different methods.  But there is a plan. :)

Sleep is for the weak: Abort Mission!

After 3 days of trying the cry-it-out method of sleep training, Bao and I have agreed to stop.  It's not what we want for us, and it's not what we want for Camille.  If there are other methods of training her to sleep better, then we'll explore all other options.  Right now, we're gonna go with the "wait until she's 18" approach to sleep training.  Surely she'll get it by then.

Sleep is for the weak: Cry it out

This blog entry is to remind me of what it was like before Camille slept soundly through the night.

Efforts so far
Bao and I have gone back and forth dozens of times on what the proper method of sleep training is.  So far, we've stuck to the tried-and-true method of picking her up and comforting her whenever she wakes and cries.  It's worked out great.  She's attached to us, she is stable in social environments, and we are confident there are no emotional scars for her or us.  Unfortunately, this comes at the cost of our own sleep, energy levels, and moods.

The new plan.. and results
So the new plan is to let her cry her way to sleep for naps and at night.  Our hearts break each time we hear her cry, but from a sleep perspective, it has worked very well.  Camille has only cried for over more than 15 minutes twice since we've started.  It's day 3, and she routinely puts herself to sleep within 15 minutes.  Sometimes she'll be asleep in as little as 3 minutes.  We don't know if this will cause any emotional scaring, but here goes nothing.

Before and after
Before cry it out - Camille is always happy when awake.  She's usually smiling at people, likes to talk and relax, and always loves being picked up by most anybody (if facing outward).

When she's sleepy however, she is difficult to put down.  She's even difficult to hold in a "laying down" position.  About the only position she likes when tired is upright and facing out from the person holding her.  She usually can't sleep in this position.  Naps and nights usually require 10-40 minutes of rocking/walking/bouncing/putting her down again and again until she finally goes down for sleep.  She will often wake up just after 5-10 minutes and require us to do the whole song and dance routine again to get her down.  Once down for good, she sleeps well most nights.

After cry it out - We've only been through 4 naps and 1 night time sleeping routine trying the cry-it-out method.  She's still the same personality during waking hours; but Bao and I both notice she has less "really big smile and laughs."  I think this is just our guilt skewing or perception of her, but it's something to keep an eye on.

As for sleeping, it's very easy to put her down - just put her down and let her fight it out until she passes out.  The tough part is living with yourself knowing that you aren't answering your child's cries for help and comfort.  The first time Bao did this (while I was at work) it took 50 minutes to get her down and she slept for 5 minutes before waking again, and crying for another 10 minutes.  After the 10 additional minutes of crying, she slept for 45 minutes.  60 minutes of crying for 50 minutes of sleep.  Not good returns.

Things got much better really fast.  By the 2nd day, it would take ~5 minutes to get her down for naps of 1-1.5 hours.  By day 2 night (the first time trying cry-it-out at night), it took her 16 minutes to put herself to sleep.  She slept soundly for 5 hours.  She fed and went back to sleep for 4.5 additional hours, with only a small (~5 minute) break to cry it out some more.  9.5 hours of sleep with less than 10 minutes of wake time.

By day 3's first nap, it took her 10 minutes to put herself to sleep, and she slept for 1:15 hours.  Her cries are also less violent and painful.

During waking moments, she's much more calm.  Is this a sign of maturing as she learns to soothe herself, or is this a symptom of emotional scaring?  Is she growing up, or turning away from her parents?  Crazy thoughts from a inquisitive, and slightly guilt-ridden father.

More to come
We'll try to keep the comments on this post updated with how she does as we continue with the new sleep training methods.  Keep us in your prayers.

Follow-up data

Day 3
Nap 1 - 25 minutes sleep while driving from Bellevue to Ikea.  Woke up at Ikea right away and couldn't go back to sleep.  Essentially skipped nap 1 for this day.
Nap 2 - Should be dead tired since she skipped nap 1, but looked awake and alert.  We decided to put her down anyway at 7:13pm.  She cried - loud and violently - until 7:39, then went to sleep.  Woke at 7:48.  Back down at 7:56.  Woke for good at 8:05.  34 minutes of crying for 18 minutes of sleep.

Pariah

It is 4:30am and Camille does not want to go back to sleep after her mid-night feeding.

She wants to play.

I told her, "It's the middle of the night and nobody wants to play with you."

She laughed.

I added, "Your neck smells like toe jam."

She stops laughing.

I am adding "insults" to my repertoire of sleep-training techniques.

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Camille's fifth month: A review

Fantastically scintillating monotony.  That is how I would describe my life at this point.  Fantastic because it still seems unreal that Camille is ours.  She is amazing!  Scintillating describes how exciting it is to watch her grow and to become even more attached to her.  And yet, life is quite monotonous.  Even though there is never a dull moment, it just seems like, "Gosh, it's time to feed again?"  "Are you serious?  I've been rocking you to sleep for the last 30 minutes and you're still awake?"  "Is this my life?"

Well, this month brings lots of developments for Camille:

• Continuing to teethe.
• Can copy us in sticking out her tongue.  Once she figured out that she has a tongue, she very much enjoys sticking it out.
• Chewing on things (mostly her hands).  A lot.
• Reaching for and grabbing onto toys.
• Gradually losing the asymmetrical tonic neck reflex - getting ready roll over!
• Rolling over - just the one time :-/
• When brought to a standing position, she can lean against me (without grabbing onto my hands) and remain standing for over 10 seconds.
• Vocalizations transition from being coos to sounds that have more consonants (okay, that's just my observation, I have no training in infant linguistics).
• Tracking objects that are further away and making better eye contact.
• LOL!  No, seriously.

"Miiiiiiine!"

The specs
As of December 16, 2010:

• Weight: 12 lb 4 oz - 25%ile 
• Height: 24.5 in - 75%ile 
• Head: 15.5 in - 10%ile 
• Teeth: 1, at the bottom, right of the middle

As of December 20th, 2010: 12 lb - lost 4 ounces due to hunger strikes.

As of January 5th, 2011: 12 lb 13 oz - *phew* gained some back!
 

Milestones & important events
December 15 - Started reaching out for and grabbing toys.  Sticks out tongue to mimic parents.

Intentional grabbing

December 18 - Started a 9-hour hunger strike, lost weight.  We have several theories about why this hunger strike may have taken place:

• Strange environment - she would refuse to feed when we're out and about
• More distracted by her surrounding
• Teething pains
• Refusal to take the bottle is transferred over to refusal of milk-intake in general

December 25 - Camille's first Christmas!

December 27 - She rolled over!  After many days of looking like she might roll over (from laying on her back), she finally did it while we were talking.  And that was the only time she has done it so far!

Celebrating Grandma Ng's 59th birthday!

December 28 - It was a year ago today that we found out we were going to have Camille.  What a year it has been!  Discovered that she has cradle cap - eww.  With one olive oil treatment the next day, it was completely gone.

January 1 - Moved crib from a sidecar position (next to our bed) to the other side of the room.  No more cosleeping at night :(

Camille's new sleeping space in our room

January 2 - Another hunger strike.

January 5 - I found some blood in Camille's stool.  First, I thought like a nurse..."Don't freak out...there's an explanation." And then I thought like a mom..."Oh Lord, what is this?!" And then I started thinking like a crazy woman..."Is it Zellweger Syndrome?!  I just looked it up online and she might have Zellweger?!  She's too young to die!" There's such a fine line between thinking like a mom and thinking like a crazy woman.  Anyhow, we went to the clinic later that day and they discovered the cause as being a very large blow-out poop early that morning caused some abrasions in her anus.  Yes, my daughter has very powerful bowels.

January 11 - Went to the Picasso exhibit!

Favorite part...
Chin's Christmas vacation.  I loved having Chin around for 7 straight days!!  And I think Camille did, too.

Least favorite...
Hunger strikes.  It's insane how an infant's refusal of the breast can affect a mom.  It is so draining...I don't even have the energy to write about it!

Shout outs
...To the Lorex LW2003 baby monitor!  It is freakin' amazing and we love it!

Spying on Camille

...To infant acetaminophen (Tylenol) for relieving teething pain.  Baby Orejel...not so much.

...To the Okkatots baby carrier.  Oh.  My.  Goodness!  The three of us love this carrier so much!!  Camille likes the front-facing option so she can "talk to the baby in the mirror."  Chin loves that there is a separate pouch for the baby.  I love just about everything...especially the fact that Camille naps very well in this carrier.

Just hanging out

...To Alice+Chung+Anna Jane for letting us borrow AJ's Bumbo chair!

...To Chin...still the best dad to Camille and the best partner I can ever ask for!

"Do you like my hair, Daddy?"

Discoveries & reflections
...Camille will poop while she is in the Bumbo chair about 80% of the time.  No joke!

...If Camille had a good day, I'd better brace myself for a gruesome day to follow. (The opposite isn't true, unfortunately).

...You know how we all have that one friend who's just really critical and judgmental?  I know you have at least one.  Me!  I find that I'm so critical and judgmental about this mothering process.  I am sorry, friends!

...Camille nurses much better when she is drowsy and is falling asleep.  (During the day, she will just wake up after nursing.  At night, she stays sleeping.)  If she is fully awake during feeding time, boy, it is always a struggle to keep her focused!

...Breastfeeding in public has become nearly impossible now with Camille being so distracted while being nursed.

...Do we really want to read to Camille at bedtime?  Do we really want to proliferate the connection between reading and sleepiness?

...Starting last month, actually, Camille and I have both been shedding a lot of hair.  I keep finding little Camille hairs everywhere...and her head still looks so full!

...Umm...sometimes, I feel guilty for convincing other people to have kids.

Notice she's trying to peel off the "5 months"
sticker.  Mad fine motor skillz!!

Sleep is for the weak: Childrearing philosophies and...being real

These are general child-rearing and sleep concepts that I believe in:

• Adjustment to extra-uterine life can be rough!  Heck, if I had a choice, I would crawl back inside my mom (provided that I can take along my laptop...and she is around places with good Wifi).
• Sleep is as important, if not more so, for baby's growth as eating.  
• For the first three months, often referred to as "the fourth trimester," care for your infant without worry of spoiling them and help them ease into life outside the womb.  This means feeding on demand, swaddling, not waking them up (but who would be dumb enough to wake up a sleeping baby...*points to self*), and gently teaching them the difference between day and night.
• That being said, I believed that the first three months were important in teaching them when to sleep.  The how part is a secondary priority and could be saved for later when they have gotten the when down.
• After the first three months (actually, I waited to 15 weeks since Camille was born a little early), it is okay to start training them in certain things such as how to sleep and when meal times are.  I started stretching out Camille's feeding time to every 4 hours while she was awake and feed on demand in the middle of the night.
• I try to incorporate small inconsistencies into Camille's routines.  Nothing too drastic.  Maybe a 30-minute shift in feeding time, or singing a different song for nap time, or letting her nap in a different setting, etc.  I hope that by doing this, she will become more adaptable while still having a good routine.
• My relationship priorities are as follows: God, Chin, children, other family, others.
• I believe that parents and children should have good boundaries.  There are times for co-sleeping and baby-wearing, and then there are times to wean children of childish things and to set healthy boundaries.
• A lot of Western childrearing philosophies lead to independence.  Independence for parents (don't have to rock children to sleep, more Mommy and Daddy times) and independence for children (learning to self-soothe, learning to be self-sufficient).  That's cool, I guess.  But that's not really for me.  Chin & I prefer interdependence and would much rather have children who are more relational.

I believe that there are two types of people in the world: Those who live strictly on principles, and childrearing adults.

Before Camille's arrival, I had all these ideals.  There are certain things that parents do that make me question their sanity.  I now realize that all parents are insane.  Here's a list of things that Chin & I have done as new parents that we never thought we would do:

• Breastfeeding for over 1.5 hours long.  A friend of mine told me that she did this with her first baby.  My thought, "Uh, yeah, that's because you are insane!"  True.
• Breastfeeding every meal for five stinkin' months.  Camille doesn't take the bottle, and with her teething, introducing the bottle has been really tough.  In fact, I believe that some of her nursing strikes are due to her rebellion against the bottle.
• Being completely inconsistent with sleep training.  We've let Camille cry it out about 5-6 times...but not with any consistency or method.  Yep, sometimes we just let her cry because we're just pooped out.
• Sometimes spending up to 30 minutes to rock the child to sleep.  As mentioned before, I really thought we would be better at disciplining and sleep-training our baby so that she doesn't need to be rocked to sleep.  But, here we are...
• Having the nerve to raise our voice at a child who is either not sleeping or not feeding.  Okay, that's just mean.
• Staying up until the wee hours of the morning, forfeiting precious sleep hours, just so we can savor some child-free times.  We still do this.  Every night.
• Being willing to spend $1000 for a truly good night's sleep.  Okay, maybe not $1000.  But if Groupon has a deal for $400, we're on it!
• Some days, regretting the decision to embark on this journey of parenthood.  What the heck were we thinking?!?!
  and finally...the best...
• Doing a #2 while child is on breast.  I did this the first time when Camille was 2 weeks old and was nursing in a sling.  I've done this several times since then...just holding her with one arm.  You know, sometimes you just have to do what's necessary to not poop your pants.

Fortunately, there is grace. 

We are still learning.

Finally, I was going to apologize that all my posts are composed of multiple bulleted lists.  But I'm not going to.  Because I only have the capacity to think in short thoughts.  That is the truth.

Rice: The vintage granola

Today is my mom's 68th birthday.

Recently becoming a mom myself, my appreciation for my mother has grown tremendously.  I love and respect her more than ever before.  Those things that we consider nowadays as "granola parenting," my mom did 'em all:

• Natural child birth ... all seven kids!  She was the birthing champion!!
• Breastfeeding ... every single kid.
• Co-sleeping ... in the summer, she would co-sleep with all seven kids.  Haha!  It was the best!
• Valuing baby's cry ... meaning, she never let any of us cry it out.
• Cloth diapering ... she hand-washed and hang-dried them all!
• Elimination communication ... all of us were potty trained very early.
• Making your own baby food ... yeah, like feeding us whatever they were eating :)
• Baby-wearing ... she didn't have slings or carriers.  She was the carrier.

Back in her day, it was not counter-cultural to do what she did.  But still, to go through seven kids having done what she did was amazing.  I need to add, though, that she had help from her family and community.  My aunt (her sister) was absolutely instrumental in parenting all of us.

See?  She was the original granola.  Rice.

I just want to say I LOVE MY MOM!  She's the best!!

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Sleep is for the weak: Tug-o-sleepy war

Many of you may already know that I have been struggling with the issue of infant sleep for a long time. The time line for my struggle goes something like this (time ... and the philosophy that I espoused):

• Growing up ... Babies should be rocked to sleep. Babies should sleep with their parents. That's how it goes. I slept with my parents until I was twelve! And I'm totally normal & well-adjusted. *twitch*
• A few years ago ... I was amazingly impressed by those who trained their infants to sleep on their own at ages as early as a few days old. I was convinced that this was the way to go. Cry it out, baby!
• Not so long ago ... I was more educated in the realm of attachment parenting and found many flaws in the cry-it-out method that is made popular by the Babywise series of books. So I set out to look for methods that were more gentle on babies and parents.  
• When Camille was born ... Seeing how she slept most of the time her first few weeks of birth, I thought that God had gifted us with an amazing sleeper! Thus, I further embraced the attachment parenting (no crying it out) method.

At one week old, we had a hard time waking this girl up for meals

• When Camille was about 4 or 5 weeks old ... She started getting her day and night flipped. And life was miserable for a couple of weeks until she figured things out.  Once she figured out that nighttime was for sleeping, it was still very difficult to get her to sleep (staying asleep has not been a problem for her...so far).  When we get tired, it is so tempting to let her cry it out.
• After the first month ... There were several occasions that I just let her cry it out because I was so frustrated.  Not the smartest thing I have done. 
• Now ... Chin & I keep flip-floppin' between cry-it-out and something else.  

Walking around Factoria Mall for nap time

Essentially, this is how we have broken things down:

Cry-it-out ish sleep method

• Pros:
• We know lots of friends (who we respect) who have used this method and I think all of their kids are good sleepers. 
• Those who did it with good consistency yielded great results: children with good sleep hygiene.  We know that by letting children cry it out, it eventually works for the majority.
• Cons:
• We need to endure hearing our child cry for an extended period of time.  (Not so much of a problem for me :P)
• Whenever I've let Camille cry it out (I know, this it not how the proper training works, but please bear with me...), I've always later found out that she was crying because of some other physical discomfort that I neglected to account for.  Like a soiled diaper, or gas, or teething. If I, an educated woman who has motherly instincts like you wouldn't believe, have moments where I have mistaken physical discomfort for a "manipulative" cry, how reliable could this method be? Also, Camille does seem awfully docile after a crying session and the following day.
• We have noticed that some kids whose parents practiced cry-it-out turned out to be not as affectionate as those whose parents chose to do something else.  
• I have this fear that children will lose trust and also associate sleep with abandonment trauma.
• I have a theory that children who are sleep trained this way are more likely to develop ADD when they grow up because sleep-time parenting is inconsistent with wake-time parenting.

Attachment parenting ish sleep method

• Pros:
• Well, my parents practiced attachment parenting and I loved it.  My parents are still sane.  Since I love and respect my parents, I desire the same kind of relationship between my children and me. 
• We have noticed that children whose parents practiced attachment parenting turn out to be kids with better social skills.
• Cons:
• Takes more effort on the part of parents.  Lots of effort.
• We know several people who have claimed to practice attachment parenting and their kids are terrible sleepers even at older ages. (Am I talking about your kids?  Um...maybe.  Please don't hate me.)
• I have a theory that children whose parents practice attachment parenting to the extreme are more likely to develop depressive mood disorders because it is freakin' disappointing to find that the world is not a warm and fuzzy place.

Last November, Chin & I decided that this is the year we were going to get smart phones.  So we set out to research the best phones for our family.  In a way, that process was very similar to our struggle with finding the best-suited sleeping solution for our family.

The Cry-it-out method is like a Windows phone.  It is methodical and straight forward.  You know what to expect.  It is a good product.  It's old school.  And it isn't as expensive as the iPhone.

The Attachment Parenting method, on the other hand, is the costly iPhone.  It is beautiful.  It is great for all us "feelers" in the world.  But it is going to cost you!!

What we're looking for is an Android sleep solution.  Something flexible, user-friendly, and open-source (hey, like y'all giving us free advice!).  Something not too costly...and something that won't crash [our children].  (Sorry, Microsoft.  I had to go there.  I had to.)

I wonder what psychological disorder an Android sleep solution would produce.  Perhaps not a disorder at all.  Maybe a super mutant power!  YES!

...

Welp, tune in next time when I discuss my sleep-time parenting beliefs.  And then tune in next, next time for when I, Bao, review books I've never read.

(Btw, keep the advice coming!  Oh, and don't think "I'm just a new parent myself.  What do I have to contribute?"  Please just say something so that I won't feel like I'm going through this all on my own.  Thank you.)

Sleep is for the weak: A series*

Before Camille's arrival, infant sleep was not the first thing that came to mind when I thought of motherhood.  Yet once reality hits, I now realize that it is the topic that will drive this mother insane.

How the heck do I get my baby to SLEEP?!?!?!

Camille was a good sleeper during the first few weeks.  She would prefer sleeping to eating (I am pretty sure she still does, smart girl).  Then she had a funky week of staying up at night.  After that wrinkle got fixed, it still continues to be a battle to get her to sleep.

Like most inexperienced first-time parents, we would go through the routine of feeding her at night and then gently putting her down on her crib...only to find that the squirmy infant has the mutant ability to wake herself up just as soon as her body leaves your arms.  And then there's the rocking and tapping and walking around and re-feeding until the zombie baby goes back to sleep.  Then she is set down and, miraculously, stays asleep.  At which point, I would emerge from the bedroom with the "Mission Accomplished" banner boldly waving behind me!

I can haz sucksess

Of course, we all know that it's too good to be true.  Yes, zombie baby would wake up and the process starts all over again.

Some time during the third month, I decided to really learn how to master side-lying nursing.  This did the trick!  I now feed her laying down and she would just fall asleep.  Up until a couple of days ago, her crib was sidecarred to our bed so all I had to do was scoot her over a bit to the center of the crib when she is in the "limp limb" stage of sleep.  Nighttime parenting: win (for now).

The thing now is getting her to nap.  I just don't know how to do it.  What I've done is wait until she shows signs of sleepiness (e.g., rubbing eyes, disinterest in toys, etc.) and I walk around with her until she is very calm.  And then I cradle her and rock her.  As I lower her down from my shoulder into a cradle position, she gets very upset and would cry anywhere from 30 seconds to 15 minutes until she falls asleep.  Ugh!  Other things that have worked consistently are putting her in a car seat (and either drive or just walk around with it) or carrying her in a sling/carrier.  The swing no longer works, unfortunately :(

Some of you may wonder, "Why don't you just nurse her to nap?"  I nurse Camille four times a day (10am, 2pm, 6pm, and 10pm) and her nap times are intentionally situated outside of these feeding times.  That is because if I establish this nursing-to-sleep pattern (which I wholeheartedly believe is healthy), it's just not going to work when I go back to school in June.   So for now, it's just nursing to sleep at night.  I still need a nap time solution.

I can already sense that Camille is going to be a high maintenance girl.  I know that we should somehow sleep train her.  But how?  Is it okay to nurse her to sleep at night but train her to sleep on her own for naps?  I know that there are many infant sleep books out there.  But I don't like to read.  So, you know, that's not going to fly.

I'd love to get your input into this whole sleep situation.  What did you do with your kid(s)?  What were some aspects that you wish you had known or done?  What advice do you have for us?

Thanks in advance!  We may not apply your method or read the books you recommend...but that does not mean we don't like or respect you.  If you'd like, you can even post anonymously.

So, yes, please help!

*I'm just anticipating that this is going to be an ongoing thing...

New Years Eve 2010

"I don't like it, Mommy."

We spent the last minutes of 2010 with our good friends, Lance and Krista Hoffman. Camille got to try out Will's exersaucer. No likey, apparently.

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Hair clip

Camille's hair is getting to the point where it's starting to get into her eyes.  Maybe she needs a hair cut?

No!

She just needs a hair clip!

"Hmm...not sure what to make of this..."

Me, me, ME!!!

Do you notice those friends on Facebook who can always (1) manage to turn others' statuses into a comment about them, (2) relate everything to their kids, and/or (3) be a Debbie Downer about everything (especially their lives)?

[If you are wondering, "Is she talking about me?"  Yes I am.  Yes.  I.  Am.]

EXAMPLE: I post a picture of Camille...

Caption reads: Camille gets mistaken for a boy all the time.

Friend 1: When I was little, I got called a boy all the time, too!  LOL!
Friend 2: My little Sheneneh has the exact same chair!  LOL!
Friend 3: You think that's bad?  My little LaWanda is five years old and she *still* gets called a boy.  LOL!

Guess what, friends.  Today, I did it!  I was my own pet peeve!!  Our friend Wendy posted a message about her son getting his 12-month shots today and I replied with, "Oh boo! Camille got her 4 month shots yesterday. She did okay at the time...but I think the meds made her a little uncomfortable last night. Oh! And she is teething, too. :("

I've gone and done it.  I have become that annoying mom!  (But I will still refuse to "LOL.")

Camille's fourth month: A review

What am I doing?!  I'm so under-qualified for this motherhood thing!!  I have no clue what I am doing with this little person.  I am not constantly down on myself, but there is always this feeling in the back of my mind that I am "not doing it right."  Oh well, that's normal, right? :)

This month, Camille's tummy has gotten much better with the keeping-food-in business. *phew* She has also gotten a lot more talkative and more curious of her surroundings.  She still hasn't reached out for toys yet, but there are plenty of things that do make her eyes light up.  Her neck muscle has gotten stronger.  Her legs have also gotten stronger and she really enjoys standing and sometimes jumping.  Her hair, of course, continues to grow wildly.  And, yes, she does have a mullet.

There were a couple of nights toward the end of the month where she slept through the night!  Camille has been sleeping for stretches of 6-7 hours every night (with a total of around 11-12 hours, but with 1-2 feedings in between).  But for a couple of nights this past week, she slept for 10.5 and 11 hours straight!  Not sure what caused that...but we sure were glad to get the continuous sleep, too! :)

Finally, the biggest milestone this month is: teething!  Yes!  It's true.  She is growing up so fast.

Chin playing with Camille (Nov 18)

The specs
As of November 30th

• Weight: 11 lb 11 oz
• Height: 23.5 in

I'm not sure how she measures up against other children her age.  But I'm pretty sure she's a little skinny.

Milestones & important events
November 14 - Camille had a huge meltdown in the evening for no apparent reason.  She just started screaming.  We thought we'd give her a bath to calm her down.  She was completely calm during the bath, but resumed the screaming immediately after we put her clothes back on.  Still no idea what happened.

November 18 - Camille's first trip to the UW School of Nursing!

Visiting Auntie Hilary & Auntie Lam

November 25 - Camille's first Thanksgiving!  Also, Camille's first real cold. :(  She woke up in the middle of the night with tons of green snot.  But after the snot-removal process, she was all smiles.  Gotta love this little girl!

November 26 - Chin & I got new phones (myTouch 4G).  Okay, so this is not a Camille milestone, but it is a significant event as these phones enable us to take pictures of Camille, take videos, do video chat, text about Camille, look up information written by baby sleep experts, etc.  Very useful!

December 2 - Successfully put my wedding band back on since 2nd trimester of pregnancy!  I also shared the gospel story with Camille for the first time.  She smiled. :)

December 3 - Camille had another huge meltdown for no apparent reason (in the middle of my company's holiday party).  This time, we think it's because of a growth spurt.

December 10 - We left Camille with the Grays (a pastoral family from our church) for a few hours as we went to Chin's company party.  The Grays are fantaaastic with kids!!  We came back from the party to see Camille contently laying on the couch as Marvin read her the Gospel of John.  Haha!  Anyhow, Julie asked us, "Did you know that she's teething?"  No!  A little tooth bud is popping up from the bottom...right of the middle.  *sigh* Why must you grow so fast?

Favorite part...
Sometimes during feeding time, Camille would just unlatch, stare up at me, and coo for a few minutes.  These are the sweetest minutes of my day.

Least favorite... 
Dealing with the sleep-training conundrum.  Do I let her cry it out?  Do I rock her to sleep?  Camille is a good sleeper at night but naps are not coming very naturally for her even when she is tired.  I am very torn on this topic.  There is a blog post re:sleep that I'm still working on.  Stay tuned!

Shout outs
...To Lance+Krista+William for letting us borrow this amazing play mat!  Camille loves the blinking star that plays music.

She loves it!

...To nursing tank tops!  I have been living in nursing tank tops since the day Camille was born.  I have one nursing bra and have worn it exactly twice.  Nursing tanks are so much better because they keep your tummy warm when you feed and they look more "respectable" when you're feeding without a cover.  And let's face it, those nursing covers are awfully annoying!

Discoveries & reflections
...Sometimes, I just feel like I am the most blessed woman in the world.  Then I look down and see that I've leaked milk through my shirt...and I curse the day I was born.  Leaking milk is like my worst enemy.  Curses!!

...Even though I don't set a schedule for Camille, I do feel bummed and sometimes even frustrated when Camille's routine gets shifted.

...When the baby is asleep and you see a hair on her face that you really want to pick off...resist the urge!

...Camille loves to be naked.  Whether it be bath time (which she has always enjoyed), getting her diaper changed, or being put over the toilet to do bidnez.  Whenever she is cranky, we just take off her diaper and let her just...hang out.  We call it "naked time."  Because we've been putting her over the toilet several times a day, it's almost like she knows not to pee or poop when she's naked elsewhere.  Maybe we're really on our way to having a diaper-free baby! :)

...The spot on baby that needs scrubbing the most during a bath: the neck.

...The spot on baby that is the most difficult to access during a bath: the neck.

...Camille is adamant about not taking the bottle.  She feels the same way about pacifiers.  We've tried on many occasions (when she's happy and not too hungry, when she's starving, fed by Chin, fed by Bao, etc.) and nothing seems to work.  Sometimes, she will even gag and throw up.  This is sad because it limits me from being away from Camille for any period longer than 4 hours. :(

...It is a little sad when Camille grows out of some of her outfits.  She's growing so fast!

"So, um, you like my new hat?"

...I believe that deep down inside, every new parent wants to be "the cool parent."  We want to be nonchalant about child-rearing and give the impression that we're cool like the Fonz.  But we ain't.  Deep, deep down inside, we are scared shitless.  Am I the only one?

...In an interview between Don Miller and Dr. John Townsend in the Convergence series, they mentioned something to the effect that God is the perfect parent.  Yet we, as His children, are terribly screwed up.  I think that takes a lot of pressure off of me as a parent to know that, well, Camille is screwed.  Hehe, kidding.  Well, I feel a lot better knowing this because it means that effort and results are not necessarily equivalent.  Still, I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to do what is best.

...I often feel that I'm not giving Camille enough social interactions.

...I am much better at encouraging other new moms than I am at forgiving myself.

...I just need to convince myself that (1) there is no "one perfect way" to raise a child, (2) the most well-intentioned people (mostly moms) may not have the best parenting advice for me, and (3) I, actually, am not an idiot.

Next thing you know, she'll want to go shopping for a prom dress

So true

I found this on the interwebs today and thought, "Boy, ain't that the truth."  Enjoy.  (Also, sorry Chin.)

Building a Camille

Camille is almost 4 months old. In that time, her physical features have changed a bit; but we think we've figured who gave her what. Below is a quick list.

Eyes - If you've ever seen a baby picture of Bao, this is obvious. BAO
Eyebrows - CHIN (Bao insists on this, but Chin thinks it's too early to tell.)
Mouth - Not as obvious, but when she cries or smiles big, it's easier to see. CHIN
Nose - Most difficult of all to see. So far, we say... BAO
Hair Style - Spikey and unable to lay flat? CHIN
Hair Volume - Chin was bald as a kid; Bao was born with a lot of hair. BAO
Ears - She has earlobes, and Chin has no lobes at all. BAO
Cheeks - She has dimples like Bao did when young. BAO
Face Shape - Some say Chin's father, some say Bao's father. NO VERDICT
Hands and Feet - Long, slender digits. CHIN
Skin - She has Grandma's (Chin's mom) light skin. CHIN
Body Type - Long torso, short legs. CHIN
Bowed Legs - Chin's mom again. CHIN
Flat Feet - CHIN

Final count:
BAO:                5
CHIN:               8
NO VERDICT:    1

You'd think that, by looking at the numbers, she would look like Daddy. However, anybody who's seen Camille (everybody reading this blog) knows that she is a Mommy clone. Daddy's happy for that.

The Camille

Reflections on pregnancy, labor+delivery, and recovery

A bit overdue, but here are my reflections on pregnancy, labor, delivery, and recovery.  Better late than never, right?  These things have been on my mind for a long time and I'm finally going to write about them :)

Pregnancy
1st trimester - sucked.

2nd trimester - glorious!

3rd trimester - sucked.

I think that about sums it up.  Honestly, after Camille is born, I don't even remember pregnancy all that much.  I'd like to think that motherhood is so blissful that I block out the sucky memories of pregnancy.  But I think it's just sleep deprivation induced amnesia.

I miss feeling the kicks and rolls

Okay, so, reflecting on my pregnancy experience (you can read my account of the whole pregnancy starting from week 0)...  I did not like weeks 6 to 10 of pregnancy at all.  The nausea and vomiting was horrible.  I also felt bloated.  And at the beginning, I didn't tell a lot of people so it was just this limbo period of feeling a little fat and gross.

From week 11 to week 20, I had a solid ten weeks of pure pregnancy bliss!  No more nausea/vomiting.  My appetite came back.  My belly grew.  My pregnancy became public knowledge.  We found out Camille was a girl and named her.  It was spectacular!

The last stretch of pregnancy (weeks 21 to 37) was not so fun physically or emotionally...but the anticipation of Camille's arrival was amazing.

Favorite part ... Hands down: feeling baby move!  Followed by second best: having Chin feel baby move. 

Least favorite ... Was the emotional strain in the 3rd trimester with the passing of Caleb and the stress of school.

If I could do it over again ... I would eat more healthy.  I ate a lot of unhealthy foods and would often let myself go hungry because I was too lazy to make something to eat.  I think the key is to have healthy foods prepped and ready to go.  That's what I would do next time.

Labor & Delivery
I would consider myself having a relatively short labor.  But my mentor (Christine Nakano) would say, "You were in labor for three months!"  Alright.  Alright!  Buuuuuut, I'm still going to consider "real-ish" labor to start the Friday before Camille was born...and "real" labor starting at 3:40am on Camille's birthday.

She's here!  She's really, finally here!

Considering that I was sleeping when my water broke and I delivered 93 minutes later, it was a very precipitous labor!  I am SO thankful for that!

Favorite part ... Pushing!!  Pushing was by far the best part of the process!  The pain was annoying when there wasn't anything I could do except to breathe through it.  Pushing, now, that was productive!  I just made the most awkward pushing-face in the world and just went at it with abandonment.  It was great!  I can't stress enough how much I loved this part!!

Least favorite ... I could say the worst part was the anticipation of our baby's arrival, or the feeling of helplessness, or being unprepared because it all happened so quickly, blah blah blah.  Whatever.  It was the pain.  It was painful.  But, yes, good thing it was quick!

If I could do it over again ... I would not let my "plan" ruin the labor experience.  I was feeling bad that I had called everyone and told them that I was in labor on Friday...and then everything halted.  Next time, I will choose not to care so much.  Baby comes when baby comes.

Recovery
This is a part of childbearing that a lot of women don't talk about.  They say that recovery from childbirth typically takes about 6 weeks.  From my experience, this was pretty much true.

Did this mean I was back to my pre-pregnancy shape by this time?  No. 

Did this mean intimacy could just be picked up where we left off?  No. 

Did this mean I was more or less kind of normal again?  Kind of.

At nearly 3 weeks postpartum, you can see that I still looked 
about 5 months pregnant.  This is normal, folks! Embrace it!

Breastfeeding definitely helps with the "getting back to your pre-pregnancy shape" part.  At the end of the 6 weeks, I think I was still about 5-7 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight.  At 3 months postpartum, I'm 5 pounds lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight.  Does this mean I am hotter than before?  My boobs are bigger and I'm thinner.  You do the math!  Although...I have not even attempted to wear non-maternity pants yet :P

One weird thing that I did not anticipate for was the degree of urinary incontinence I had in the immediate postpartum period.  The day after delivering Camille, I went into our bathroom and as soon as I saw the toilet, I felt pee running down my legs.  What?  WHAT?!  This also happened to be on my 30th birthday.  Am I that old that I already have urinary incontinence?!  For the next couple of days, I would have a hard time controlling my bladder just right before getting to the toilet.  I had to make a point to go to the bathroom frequently to avoid this from happening.  I also did more Kegel exercises...which Tara (my trusty friend & doula) reminded me also helped with the healing process "down under" as the flexing rushes blood to the area and speeds up the restoration of the area.

I also had a urinary tract infection (UTI) and a kidney infection.  How did this happen?  Lemme tell you...  After delivery, the midwifery student gave me some misoprostol to ensure that I won't bleed out.  Misoprostol commonly causes a slight spike in temperature.  When they saw that I had a low grade fever, the team of nurses + midwives + OBs (who did not take into account the fact that I was given misoprostol *tsk tsk*) decided that I must have an infection.  A common infection is a UTI.  So they decided to get a urine sample with a catheter insertion (which, by the way, was nearly as painful as the birthing process...and nowhere near as beautiful).  The result, of course, came back that I did not have a UTI.  I could have told them that!  Even though I felt feverish, I had a feeling that everything was fine.  I felt like my body just needed some time to work things out.  Besides, I just gave birth to another human being.  Give me a couple of hours to bounce back!  Geez!!  Anyway, in the process of inserting the catheter, the two nurses totally botched it and introduced some E. coli into my bladder.  About 4-5 days postpartum, I felt that things were not right but I didn't know what it was.  I had a feeling that I had a UTI and maybe even a kidney infection because I had flank pain on my left side.  I should have trusted my instincts...because a few nights later, I suddenly had a fever of 103 and was taken to the ER where they found that, yay, I had a UTI and a kidney infection.  After some antibiotics, I was peachy again.  *phew*

Oh!  Postpartum depression (PPD).  Did I have it?  I would say "no."  I did have the typical postpartum blues from time to time, though.  I do remember very distinctly one day while sitting at the dining room table thinking, "I think PPD is creeping up on me!  But let's think this through first..."  I remembered feeling sad.  And so I sorted through all the reasons why I should be sad and I methodically used logic to explain to myself how silly it was to be sad.  I had no reason to be sad.  Silly.  PPD = over.

While we're on the topic of PPD, however, I would like to say that I have cracked the code.  Yes.  I think I have figured out why women (more specifically women in Western cultures) get PPD.  Here goes:

• In the postpartum period, whether you are having your first child or your tenth (but most likely, your first), you are going through a fantastic time of transition.  
• As your whole life shifts, you are demanded to think all introspectively and get all emotional.
• To add to this wild fire are your raging postpartum hormones.
• To add even more fuel is the fact that you have not been sleeping and you are completely delirious.
• The deliriousness impedes your ability to think clearly.
• This fogginess of mind in combination with the prompts to be introspective then lead to depression.

TADA!

I would also like to add to this theory that the best way to mitigate the possibility of PPD is: living in community.  In the "home country" this would mean living with family.  Our current situation puts us far away from family and we (as I am sure many of you can relate) make a patchworked family out of friends around us.  An old couple from church can be the wise grandparents.  Friends without children can be the spoiling aunts and uncles.  Anyway, you know what I mean.  And we love our patchworked family here!  So many of you have brought us food, come to visit, and given us invaluable advice.  Without you (and our real families, of course), we really could not have made it out of this postpartum period with any wits intact.  Thank you so much!!

Favorite part ... Camille.  It's cliché, I know, but I have to say that my favorite part was getting to know this little person.

Least favorite ... Oh, boy, what is it?  There are so many things that I did not enjoy so much.  I can't pick just one.  I will give you...the top three things: sleep deprivation, UTI & kidney infection, and leaking milk everywhere.  Yup.  That about sums it up.

If I could do it over again ... I would trust myself more and make quick decisions based on those instincts.

Camille's third month: A review

This month has been marked by (1) regular spit ups, (2) a routine, and (3) smiles!

Camille has been spitting up (immediate regurgitation of milk) on a nearly daily basis starting on October 16th.  It was projectile...but it wasn't vomit; just stuff that she had just ingested.  The regurged stuff would have some phlegm in it and Camille would be totally happy after throwing up.  And then she'd want to feed again.

Camille has a nice little routine going this month.  Being so delirious with sleep deprivation, I didn't pay much attention to any patterns in Camille's day.  But I saw our friend Krista keep a little log of her son's activities on the white board and I thought maybe I would do the same to see if I can see any patterns in Camille's day.  And the pattern that I found (at least true for 90% of this month) was:

• Sleeps at 11pm (yes, she's a night owl just like her parents!)
• Wakes at 6am to feed, then goes back to sleep
• Wakes at 10:30, poops, feeds at 11 and stays up
• By around 1pm, she gets restless and wants to feed again so she can nap
• Naps for 2-3 hours
• Wakes up cranky and wants to feed right away, then poops
• Then the time between her nap and her bedtime is a little variable...usually including a couple of 1-hour naps around 5 and 8

I didn't mean to set a schedule for her.  This was just the routine I noticed.  It's weird.  Because Chin & I are not routine people.  Yet Camille is :)

Finally, Camille is smiling a lot more this month.  The smiles are not always predictable, but they are definitely more obvious and frequent.

The specs
As of October 13th (2-month check-up)

• Weight: 9 lb 7 oz (25th percentile)
• Height: 22.5 in (75th percentile)
• 14.5 in (10-25th percentile)

Milestones & important events
October 17 - Lots of family and friends came together to meet Camille and celebrate this little girl.

October 25 - I caught a cold :(  Lemme tell ya, it isn't easy taking care of a newborn when one isn't 100%, let alone a new mom who is already functioning at 32% prior to the cold.  I really needed some help so that I could take some peaceful naps.  And that is why...

October 27 - My first solo interstate drive with Camille down to Portland to surprise my parents (she slept the whole way!).  Chin carpooled down with some Rideshare folks on Friday and we drove back together that Sunday.  We were away from Chin for two days.  It felt like forever (to Chin & me anyway)!!  It was a good trip because I got to sleep a lot and kind of get over my cold.  Camille also caught a mild version of that cold (thanks to the antibodies in breast milk) but she recovered quickly.

November 3 - With Camille in tow, I managed to go grocery shopping and made a pot of Bún Bò Huế...which is no small feat, lemme tell ya!

November 8 - Camille and I made another trek down to Portland.  This time, we were down there for 4 days and 3 nights...and I drove with just Camille both ways.  Once again, she was a champ and slept the whole way.

November 11 - We took Camille to her (and our) first UW women's volleyball game!

We did put pants on her, thank you Freakout Moms

November 13 - My parents babysat Camille over Skype while I took a shower. :)

Favorite part...
Seeing Camille's smiles get bigger and more frequent :)

Least favorite... 
Being away from family.  I really wish we lived closer to family.  I love being with Camille all day.  But it does get pretty lonely.

Shout outs
...To Joel+Lisa+Kaden To for lending us a UW onesie and a swing set for Camille!

...To my mom for taking care of Camille while I took lots of naps to recover from my cold.

...Once again, to my sister GT who gave me her old iPhone 3G.  It has been so nice to have this gadget handy when I'm breastfeeding (and Camille is sleep-nursing)!!

...To myself, for winning so many diapers!  Hehe :P

Camille is modeling a Thirsties Duo Diaper

Discoveries & reflections
...I pray with Camille everyday.  I feel like I am praying more now than I ever did when I was pregnant.  I love it.  It's so sweet!

I love this girl a lot

...I remember being really mean to Camille when she was a lot younger.  I can't imagine how I can be that mean to her!  I love her so much more now than I ever did before.

...The decision to take time off from school until next June = one of the best decisions I have ever made!

...I love it when Camille smiles while she is sleep-nursing.  I captured a photo of this but I'm not going to post it on here because it shows my boob.  Thanks.
 
...I need to be more careful of my posture when I breastfeed.  I am developing the bad habit of slouching & I'm paying for it in an achy lower back. :(

...Some days, having showered is a big accomplishment.

...Grocery shopping and cooking with an infant in tow is an art that takes experience and finesse.  I have a long ways to go!

...I think sleep deprivation can really lord over new parents' lives.  From the ability to stay sane to the choices we make for our family to how we interact with others, the tiredness we experience as a result of lack of sleep has a tremendous effect on nearly every aspect of our daily functions.  For instance, while I was pregnant and naive (or rather, better rested), I would fantasize about the bliss of co-sleeping and never having to even think about letting my child cry it out.  Being driven by the lack of sleep, I often think, "To hell with this attachment parenting crap!  Cry it out!  See if I care!"  I really don't want to make these important parenting decisions based on sleep.  God help me!

...It is insulting to a new mother for someone (usually the new father) to do simple arithmetic with how many hours of sleep she has had.  Please do not suggest that, "You slept for 3 hours, and then fed the baby for 30 minutes, and then slept another 3 hours, and then woke up to feed for 30 minutes, and then slept for another 2 hours...so you slept for 8 hours!"  No, no, no, no, no.  New motherhood defies simple arithmetic.  You're wrong.  Go back to school.

I brought Camille over to our bed to snuggle with Chin before he had to go to work

...I kind of hate to admit this, but some days, I just look forward to Chin coming home.  Heck, who am I kidding.  EVERYDAY I just look forward to Chin coming home!

...I wish we lived closer to family.

Our 3-month-old girl