Chestnut Week 12

Merry Christmas!!  This is the first year since being married (and living in the U.S.) that we have decided not to spend Christmas with both sides of the family or to travel.  We stayed in town and Chin's parents came up to be with us kids who all live up here.  It was a relaxing time.

I missed spending time with my family, but was relieved to not be a part of the "Which church are you going to tonight?  What?  You should go to this church - their choir has been practicing very hard!  And then you should go to this other church tomorrow night..."  And then the incessant critiques of different church choirs and costumes/uniforms, and the speakers, and the food.  Ugh, no thanks!  (If you grew up in a Vietnamese church, you know what I'm talking about.)

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• Chestnut is the size of a lime - ~2.13 inches and 0.49 ounces.
• The fetus starts moving spontaneously.
• The face is beginning to look like a baby's face.
• The pancreas is functioning and producing insulin.
• Fingernails and toenails appear.
• The baby can suck his/her thumb, and get hiccups.

Physical:

• Weight: 116 lb (+2)
• Belly circumference: 32.0 in (+3.5)
• Boarded the vomit comet twice this week (v7, v8) but gagged over the toilet many, many times.
• Foods that suck: meatballs, pork, eggs, garlic of any form (especially raw, minced garlic...eww!)
• Foods that are awesome: sliced meat in hot pot, most fried foods, ranch dressing.
• Have I made my "turn" for the better?  NO!  In fact, I feel worse than last week.  Maybe I'm tired because of all the holiday festivities?
• At the end of this week, I started feeling some flutters that I'm confident are fetal movements!  Quickening has occurred, boys & girls!

Spiritual & emotional:

• Still feeling super disappointed that I haven't started feeling better.  What's up with this kid?!  I was telling Chin that I think baby is growing another baby.  Or perhaps an extra placenta for good measure.  Seriously, kid?!
• Chin has grown increasingly more frustrated that I have been out of commission for so long this pregnancy.  Because I've been so tired, Chin has taken over most of the childcare, household duties, and everything else that he already does.  I'm so sorry, Chin. :(
• I've been feeling emotionally very low this week.

Click here to see the comparison to my pregnancy with Camille (MacNut) at the same gestational age.

Chestnut Week 11

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• Chestnut is the size of a fig - ~1.61 inches and 0.25 ounces.
• At 11 weeks pregnant, nearly all structures and organs are formed and beginning to function.
• The head comprises nearly half of the fetus' size.
• Baby can swallow and stick out his or her tongue.
• Fingers and toes have separated.
• Hair and nails begin to grow at 11 weeks of pregnancy.
• The fetus can make a fist with its fingers.
• Genitals appear well differentiated.
• Red blood cells are produced in the liver.
• Amniotic fluid begins to accumulate as the kidneys begin to function.
• The muscles in the intestinal walls begin to practice contractions that digest food.
• The taste buds are starting to develop!!

Physical:

• Weight: 116 lb (+2)
• Belly circumference: 32.0 in (+3.5)
• Boarded the vomit comet once (v6)...but it was a very, very special ride.
• Foods that suck: meat (still), grilled onion or garlic...or anything grilled, really.
• Foods that are awesome: salads, chocolate, carbs (bread).
• Gauging from my pregnancy with Penelope and Camille, week 11 was supposed to mark the first week of starting to feel better.  At the beginning of this week (Saturday), I took two naps in one day.  On Sunday and Monday, I felt a little better but still not great.  After Tuesday, it all went downhill.  I was not making my "turn" for the better. :(

Spiritual & emotional:

• It has been nice getting to be at home with Camille.  I love this girl so much!
• Feeling disappointed that I have not made the "turn."  So disappointed.

Click here to see the comparison to my pregnancy with Camille (MacNut) at the same gestational age.

Chestnut Week 10

Finally!  A profile tummy shot.  I look pregnant, don't I?

Chestnut is now a fetus.  We made our pregnancy "Facebook official" on Wednesday. :)  Below is the picture we used to make the announcement.

If you're curious, the answer is "No" - we did not plan to have a baby born in the year of the tiger and then one born in the year of the dragon.  Two very auspicious years for Chinese culture.  But it's kind of cool.  We kind of have a kung fu team on our hands!

I had another ultrasound on Tuesday of this week (one to determine the size and probable date of delivery).  Chestnut is doing fine and dandy, measuring appropriately, and the approximate date of delivery is exactly as we thought - 7/7/2012.  S/he was moving around quite a bit during the ultrasound, too!  Camille got to be there.  She pointed and said, "Baby."  And said, "Thank you" to the ultrasound tech when we were done.  So sweet!

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• Chestnut is the size of a kumquat - ~1.22 inches and 0.14 ounces.
• From this week until birth, the developing organism is called a fetus (or, yunno, a BABY).
• The fetus is now the size of a small strawberry.
• The feet are 2mm long (one tenth of an inch).
• The neck is beginning to take shape.
• The body muscles are almost developed. Baby has begun movement.
• The jaws are in place. The mouth cavity and the nose are joined.
• The ears and nose can now be seen clearly.
• Fingerprints are already evident in the skin.
• Nipples and hair follicles begin to form.

Physical:

• Weight: 115 lb (+2)
• Belly circumference: 31.5 in (+3.0)
• Boarded the vomit comet twice (v4, v5)
• Foods that suck: meat (esp. roasted), even phở sounds not so appetizing, cumin.
• Foods that are awesome: buttered cut corn, orange creamsicles, salads, mac 'n cheese.
• I've been pretty tired still this week.  I don't feel like preparing anything to eat.  Whenever I am hungry, I just eat the sweets that I see around me.  (I know, so bad!)  And when I do, my mouth and stomach totally revolt what I had just put down and respond by producing this incredibly gross sour taste in my mouth.  Sometimes this taste even make water taste bitter.  Eww!
• I've been craving salads...which is great!  I think I just generally need more fiber in my diet to improve gut motility and combat the constipating effects of progesterone.  Yuck.

Spiritual & emotional:

• After the previous blog entries of this pregnancy (the ones written in stealth mode) went public on Wednesday, there has been a tremendous outpouring of support for our family in regards to this pregnancy!  I felt very loved hearing from all sorts of people about how their "unplanned children" (or themselves being unplanned) have turned out to be great gifts to the family and they would not have had it any other way.  Thank you, friends!
• I finished my fall quarter!  Awesome!  More time to rest?  Yes.  But this also means I'm full-time mom during this break.  I'm sorry that this sounds really bad, but I don't look forward to spending most of my waking hours taking care of Camille.  I just feel like she gets better care and socialization at daycare.  Camille is also a very social child.  Which means I need to take her out at least once a day so she can see people and expend her energy.  Otherwise she gets cabin fever and goes completely nuts!  So, all that's to say that feel (1) that I can't provide as much as I can for Camille, (2) frustrated that I don't have enough energy to do much, and (3) really tired.
  

Click here to see the comparison to my pregnancy with Camille (MacNut) at the same gestational age.

Chestnut Week 9*

I was going to cheat and take some belly pictures retroactively with my tummy sucked in...  But I considered the sanctity of this blog and our dedication to being open and honest.  So, there have been no profile shots of my belly so far during this pregnancy.  That is simply the reality of the decreased amount of time and attention spent on younger siblings. *sigh*


BUT, at the beginning of this week, I got to see Chestnut for the first time via a sonogram while at my clinical rotation.  Check this out!

Chestnut ultrasound at 9 weeks 2 days - measuring at 2.3cm

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• Chestnut is the size of a grape - ~0.90 inches and 0.07 ounces.
• The fingers and toes are well defined. Cartilage and bones begin to form.
• The upper lip as well as the nose tip is being formed.
• The tongue begins to develop and the larynx is developing.
• The eyelids are developed, although they stay closed for several months.
• The main construction of the heart is complete.

Physical:

• Weight: 116 lb (+3)
• Belly circumference: 31.0 in (+2.5)
• Boarded the vomit comet once this week (v3).
• So, I'm not sure why I am gaining weight.  But I am.  A lot of people have commented that my face looks thinner.  Maybe that's the reflection of the fatigue.
• My belly is growing really fast!  This week, I feel like maybe Chestnut has popped out of the pelvic bowl because I'm going to the bathroom less frequently at night.
• Foods that suck: all types of meat (incl. seafood), ginger, garlic, onion (cooked).
• Foods that are awesome: anything with ranch dressing, black beans, pickled foods to add variety to a meal, 炒年糕 (stir fried rice cake).

Spiritual & emotional:

• My physical fatigue really translates to emotional and spiritual fatigue.  I dread Wednesdays and Fridays - days that I am at home with Camille.  I am so tired.  I can't make food for her because everything makes me gag.  I feel really bad for Camille.
• I realize that listeria is a big concern for pregnant women.  But sometimes I just don't want to give a rip.
• Was this pregnancy planned?  Well, we do want more than one child and we wanted our kids to be about 2 years apart.  We weren't using contraception but we did not think I would be so fertile (although...I knew).  So, a bit of a surprise.  But make no mistake about it, friends: This child is loved and wanted and meant to be.  When I break the news to some of my friends and family members, they express concern about how this would work in the scheme of finishing school (planned graduation date is end of Fall 2013).  I do appreciate these concerns and, trust me, they're our concerns too.  But as we have had more time to come to grasp with this news and have embraced our child more, it sometimes stings to get a sense that people think Chestnut is a mistake.  There is no mistake.

Click here to see the comparison to my pregnancy with Camille (MacNut) at the same gestational age.

*This blog entry was written in stealth mode...before the news went public.

Chestnut Week 8*

We've told everyone in our immediate families this week.  Surprisingly, Chin's mom was the most excited about Chestnut...while other grandparents show no reaction.  Aunts and uncles all excited (if not a bit concerned that we don't know how to use contraception).


Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• Chestnut is the size of a kidney bean - ~0.63 inches and 0.04 ounces.
• Arms and legs are growing and location of the elbows and toes are visible.
• The feet and hand buds have appeared.
• Starts to practice moving.
• The stomach is being made from part of the gut (waddup?!).
• The face is beginning to take shape.
• Your baby's mouth and nostrils are starting to develop.
• Teeth begin to develop under the gums.
• The eyes can now be seen as small hollows on each side of the head.

Physical:

• Weight: 114 lb (+1)
• Belly circumference: 30.0 in (+1.5)
• Really nauseous this week but managed to keep food down!  Nothing sounds good, though.
• I discovered that I would crave for french fries a lot; but once I start eating one, I realize what a bad, bad idea fries are.  (This pretty much goes for all fried foods.)
• I am only craving bad foods.  Nothing that's actually healthy!
• Foods that I can't stand: garlic, onion, tomato sauce, pork.  Pretty consistent with my two previous pregnancies.  (Since I'm having very similar pregnancy symptoms to my previous pregnancies, I tend to think that I'm carrying a girl.  But my mom had the exact same symptoms for all 7 of us kids - 3 girls and 4 boys.  So, who knows!)
• I did have a distinct craving for a strawberry milkshake at 1:30 in the morning and Chin had to go get ice cream to make it for me.  This is seriously like it's out of a movie!
• I'm not sure if I have communicated this clearly enough through my pregnancy with Camille, but the first trimester is the absolute worst!!!  I hate it so much.  
• I'm tired.  SO tired.
• A little moody (although I would never admit to it...so don't ask if I'm "hormonal" because I will straight up rip you a new one)
• I don't feel like eating anything.  Nothing sounds especially appetizing.  And if something sounds good, when I smell it, it's immediately gag-inducing.
• I'm constantly nauseous.  No joke.  Always.
• Something that's different in this pregnancy is that I'm peeing all the time.  Maybe baby is really low.  I don't know.  But I'm getting up to go to the bathroom ~3x a night (vs. 0x a night while pregnant with Penelope and Camille).
• Did I mention that I'm always tired?

Chin captured a picture of me puking.
Awesome.

Spiritual & emotional:

• We are telling a few more close friends.  It's starting to feel more real.
• Chin & I want 3 kids.  I'm seriously considering adoption for the 3rd kid because, seriously?!  I cannot in my sane mind think about going through the first trimester ever again.  It is the worst!
• School is also kind of driving me a little nuts.  I never like to put academia first in my life, but honestly, if I don't study people die.  This thought scares me. 

Click here to see the comparison to my pregnancy with Camille (MacNut) at the same gestational age.

*This blog entry was written in stealth mode...before the news went public.

Chestnut Week 7*

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• Chestnut is the size of a blueberry - 0.5 inches in length.
• The lower jaw and the vocal cords are beginning to form.
• The mouth opening is formed.
• The inner ear is being created.
• The digestive tract is developing.
• Elbows, toes, and fingers become more defined.

Physical:

• Weight: 112 lb (-1)
• Belly circumference: 29.5 in (+1.0)
• Definitely feeling the nausea this week...and vomited twice (v1 & v2).  
• Breasts are tender.  Completely "weaned" Camille this week.  I cut her off!  She took it pretty well, actually.  I was only nursing her for 3 minutes just before she goes to bed every night.  My supply has already tapered so there was no engorgement at all.  She pointed at me saying bú (breastfeed) a couple of times but that was it.
• My sense of smell is definitely altered.  I can smell everything.  I'm like Wolverine. 
• Also, my sense of hearing is heightened, too!  I have not found much in the literature about this being very common in pregnancy.  But I am special.  This happened when I was pregnant with Camille, too.  I remembered that the volume on the TV had to be under 29 to be bearable. 
• SO tired this week.  Wednesday was the worst.  Camille wasn't sleeping (actually climbed out of her crib!), I was hunched over the toilet most of the day, and there was so much school work to get done so that I didn't have to worry about academia over the Thanksgiving weekend.  So, so tired. 

Spiritual & emotional:

• I was really hoping that this pregnancy would be different from the last.  I really didn't want to ride the vomit comet again.  But here I am.  Not cool.
• We told Chin's immediate family on Wednesday night when we were home for Thanksgiving.  Chin made the announcement by saying, "We have a Crouching Tiger here (Camille)...and soon we will reveal a Hidden Dragon!"  Chestnut will be born in the year of the dragon according to Chinese zodiac.  I'm not sure how I feel about that...
• In this week of thankfulness, I am thankful for Chestnut.

Click here to see the comparison to my pregnancy with Camille (MacNut) at the same gestational age.

*This blog entry was written in stealth mode...before the news went public.

Chestnut Week 6*

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• Chestnut is the size of a lentil - ~0.08 to 0.2 inches.
• The spinal cord, which until now has been open, is beginning to close.
• The first blood cells and blood vessels are developing.
• Blood moves through these primitive vessels connected to the yolk sac.
• A pipe-shaped heart is formed and begins to beat.
• The brain begins to divide into 5 parts.
• Optic pits form the start of the developing eye.
• The cells destined to be the arms and legs are in place.

Physical:

• Weight: 113 lb (+0)
• Belly circumference: 28.5 in (+0)
• Marked decrease in gut motility.  Appetite is definitely changed but not completely gone yet.  Trying to eat as much as possible but it isn't easy.  
• Some nausea has started but no vomiting yet.
• My taste buds have changed :(  The other night, we had 陳皮牛肉 (crispy beef) and it tasted really weird.  Except it wasn't weird to anyone else other than me.  Okay, maybe this doesn't seem very painful to you, but 陳皮牛肉 is one of my favorite dishes in the world!

Spiritual & emotional:

• I'm still feeling pretty decent this week but I know it's going to turn soon.  Trying to get as much done as I can before things go South.
• I told a friend this week and she said, "Well, Bao, I think you should keep the baby."  It made me laugh.
• Chin has been trying to reassure me more that this baby was perfectly designed.  He's right.  I should really change my attitude about this not-well-planned pregnancy.  My timing can't beat God's!

Click here to see the comparison to my pregnancy with Camille (MacNut) at the same gestational age.

*This blog entry was written in stealth mode...before the news went public.

Chestnut Week 5*

Uh, WHAT?!

Knocked up

Yes, folks, we are at it again.  We just found out on Monday of this week that we are pregnant.  This one, who we have lovingly named Chestnut, is due to make a debut ~7/72012.

Why Chestnut?  Well, all of our kids are "nuts."  Penelope was Peanut because she was little like a peanut; it's a pretty generic baby nickname, really.  Camille was Macnut (macadamia nut) because we'd just gone to Hawai'i before getting pregnant.  This one is Chestnut because there are a ton of chestnut trees outside of our condo.  And it's chestnut season.  Also, chestnuts are very tasty!

So, to follow the tradition of Ng Family Pregnancy Blogging, I'm going to default to the regular format...

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• Chestnut is the size of a sesame seed - ~2mm.
• By the end of the week the embryo will have more than doubled in size to about 4-5mm.
• The egg has now completely grown into the mucous membrane of the uterus which covers the egg, the umbilical sac and the amniotic fluid cavity.
• A fibrin clot closes the hole to the uterus cavity. I might be wrong, but I think this clot later develops into Danny Tanner (long story...okay, the short version is: if you look up an image of a "mucus plug" using an internet search engine, somehow a picture of actor Bob Saget is in the mix!).
• The placenta is developing.
• The embryo starts receiving oxygen and nutrition through the placenta.
• The brain, spinal cord, and heart begin to develop.
• The gastrointestinal tract begins to develop.
• Umbilical cord develops and blood is now pumping.  All four heart chambers are now functioning.
• Arm and leg buds appear.

Physical:

• Weight: 113 lb (+0)
• Belly circumference: 28.5 in (+0)
• There is a little bit of change in my appetite, but not much.  I'm still feeling fine.  Not any more tired than usual...except that our whole family is sick.  Boo!

Spiritual & emotional:

• Finding out that we were pregnant was a bit of an "OMG" moment for me.  My [academic] life flashed before my eyes.  I start looking for people to blame (it's such a bad emotional pattern).  Still negotiating this news in my mind.
• What do I tell people when they ask, "Was it planned?"  Can I say, "Go eff yourself" or would that be very unChristian of me?
• We told Camille that I have a baby in the belly.  Amazingly, she seemed to get it pretty quickly.  Later the same day, she walked over to where I was sitting on the ground, pulled up my shirt, poked my belly saying "Baby!" and kissed it.  So, so sweet.
• We've told a few close friends.  It all seems kind of surreal.  Still taking in the news.

Click here to see the comparison to my pregnancy with Camille (MacNut) at the same gestational age.

*This blog entry was written in stealth mode...before the news went public.

Lysdexic

Funny sign I saw today:

Camille's twelth month: A review

Yes, it's the last of the monthly reviews.  It's here.  She's ONE!

*pause to reflect, ponder, and cry a bit*

This month has been a bit crazy for us.  I am getting close to the end of my first quarter back at school.  As I look toward the next two years of academia, I honestly don't know how I can do it!  But I certainly cannot imagine life without Camille.

Warning: toddler road rage

New, fun things this month:

• Standing for a lot longer
• Saying words like "bear bear" and "ball" and "pssss" (please) more consistently
• She'll copy a lot of the sounds we make
• She's a lot more curious about things and is getting into everything!
• I can sense that in general, she knows what she's not supposed to get into...and purposely gets into them.  The defiance begins...
• Tries to offer food to/feed others
• Getting so much better at drinking out of a cup!!!
• She lets out a satisfying "aaaaah" after drinking.  A skill taught by Daddy.
• Lastly...I may be getting ahead of myself here, but I could have sworn Camille could recognize that the image in the mirror is herself!  One day while I was feeding her some tofu, a little bit got on her upper lip.  I thought it made her look funny so I resisted wiping it off.  So while she was exploring (yes, I feed her when she's not on the high chair), she crawled into our room and to our closets which had mirrors on the doors.  She saw her reflection and got really excited (as per usual).  But then she looked carefully and used her hand to guide the bit of tofu into her mouth.  That's gotta be some sort of Asian rouge test, right?!

"See how helpful I am?"

The specs
As of August 3, 2011:

• Weight: 15 lbs 13 oz
• Height: 28.2 in

Milestones & important events
July 14 - Camille's first day in daycare.  She did great.  Didn't cry when I left.  Didn't fuss all day.  But she did scratch another kid and made her cry when she felt that her toys (well, actually the other kid's toys) were being taken away.

July 15 - She learns to spit things out of her mouth.  She learned out to blow water out of her mouth pretty early on.  But thrusting food back out was a new skill.  Blurg!!

Chin & Camille.  DiniNG.

July 26 - Camille learned how to say "ball."  She says things like "bear bear" and "baby" and "BaBa" (mostly "b" words).  But "ball" is the most clear and most consistent in speech and comprehension.  Chin & I also celebrated our 8th anniversary - first with a baby.

August 3 - GI check-up: "She's healthy and happy.  She's fine.  Now pay up."  I coulda told you that first part.  That last part may or may not have been uttered (but I'm sure it crossed the doc's mind).

August 13 - Camille gets her first haircut.

I think one or two hundred other children
have chewed on that toy...

Favorite part...
So many!  My favoritest would be Camille's hugs.  She's a lot more affectionate now and will give me hugs randomly. 

After nursing, she fell asleep...

...and rolled to the edge of the bed...

...I laid down some pillows in case she fell off the bed...

...she did.  And continued sleeping.

Least favorite... 
I think it's just the feeling that I'm not doing as much homework as I'm supposed to.  I can really only do work while she is sleeping.  And then when she's sleeping, I'm on Facebook.  Lack of discipline is my least favorite!

Shout outs
...To the Ephrems for watching Camille so that we could enjoy a romantic night out to celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary!

...To Camille's daycare lady who continues to amaze us with what she does.  Camille loves spending time at her house and playing with her children.  She comes home well-fed and happy (albeit sometimes not very well-rested).  She's amazing!

Camille with Anna, her favorite person to scratch.  *sigh*

...To Di Mien & Bac Nguyen for watching Camille while we got to enjoy a good dinner & catching up time with our small group.

...To Columbia City Cuts and Dina for giving Camille her first haircut.  Dina has had 7 years of experience cutting kids' hair and over 20 years in the industry.  Her suggestions were great, she was quick, precise, creative, and the end product is wonderful.  (A secondary "shout out" is due to LivingSocial for giving us a deal on this haircut.  Hip hip!)

Discoveries & reflections
...I look at other children who have extremely cute, multi-piece outfits on...then I look at Camille and she has on a onesie that she has worn for maybe a couple of days and there are stains all over it.  And then realize that (1) it probably doesn't take other parents 10 minutes to put on a diaper and one item of clothing for their child like it does mine, and (2) if it takes that long for them, w'hell, I just lack that kind of patience.

...I seriously took a week to mourn the loss of Camille's hair.  I never knew I could be so sad over something so simple.  But I was.  It was her original hair.  That hair was nurtured by my womb.  *sigh*  But when I see her new haircut, I think it looks really cute.  I'm glad we decided to keep the bangs, though :)

A graduated bob.  Just like Mommy's!

...I think Camille is so lovely.

...It's simply inexcusable to not have all of our thank-you cards written for Camille's baby shower gifts and gifts from her baby party.  But what can I say, I put the pro in procrastination.

...I don't know why it took us so long to finally realize this, but dining out is so much more convenient and pleasant if we brought along her booster chair!  When she has nowhere else to go (i.e., climbing out of the restaurant high chair), she actually sits and eats with us.  She'll even feed herself most of the time or keeps herself entertained somehow.  It's great!

...I'm so sad that Camille doesn't like avocado.

...This year has been action-packed, full of excitement, longer than it should be, and has gone by like a flash.  (Oh, don't you worry, there will be a review of the full first year.  Do look out for it.)

Last day before she turns 1

Happy birthday, Gideon!

Gideon was born a year ago today!  He and Camille are just 9 days apart and they share many things in common:

They were both born 3 weeks early.

Gideon (L) and Camille

They both have a lot of hair.

First meeting of the babies

They are both August babies, and they are Leos (lions) in the Western zodiac.

Lions going for the prey

They are both tigers according to Eastern zodiac.

Le tigre

Both their names start with the same letter as their fathers'...which means we have to refer to them as Baby G and Baby C. :)

Proud papas

Their mothers both wore turtleneck sweaters at the end of May.

Seriously sucky weather around these parts!

And Gideon & Camille are both super duper adorable.

Super cute!

Now here's a note from Camille on behalf of our whole family:

Camille's eleventh month: A review

Wow, this post is 1/2 a month overdue.  Is it because I'm in denial that when the next post is written, Camille will be a ONE year old?  Perhaps.

As you can see in the above picture, our pint-sized wonder is getting into everything.  She's more independent.  A strong crawler and climber.  She's making advances toward bipedal movements.  Super active.  We're so tired! :)  There haven't been a whole lot of new "tricks" and development this month, but Camille is definitely standing on her own a bit longer everyday (still under 5 seconds).

We had prayed that she would be an affectionate child.  And thankfully, this month she has shown that she is capable of snuggling and giving hugs!  We love her. :)

The specs
As of July 9, 2011 (not at a clinic, just on a bath scale at Grandma & Grandpa Ng's):

• Weight: 15 lb 
• Height:? maybe taller than last month?

Milestones & important events
June 16 - Camille learned how to clap on the cruise.  I didn't even know she could clap (um, because I didn't teach her).  One of the ladies on the cruise taught her how to clap and she picked it up right away.

June 17 - Camille says her first multi-syllabic word: tickle.  I would tickle her and say, "Tickle tickle tickle!"  And she would say, "Duckle!  Duckle!"  I take it that she's a genius.  (Btw, "Duckle" is one of her favorite things to say now.)

June 19 - Happy 1st Father's Day, Chin!

June 23 - Bao's first day back at school.

June 24 - After being chewed on one time too many by Camille, my laptop charger died.

"I am innocent."

June 28 - In the middle of the night, Camille rolled around and whimpered a bit.  Me (to Chin): "I think she's cold.  Maybe we should put pants on her." Chin (half sleeping): "I will give you $1,000 if you do it." Of course, he was referencing Three Men and a Baby.  But I took his money anyway and we made a trip out of it...to Southern California to attend the first centennial celebration for the Vietnamese church!

July 1 - First airplane ride!  Did well.  Slept half of the flight and played for the other half.  Very pleasant.  We went down to Southern California and had a fun, short vacation.

"Happy 4th of July!"

July 4 - Second airplane ride.  Did not do as well.  She wasn't fussy, just screamed really loud.  Some fellow passengers were real sourpusses about it.  Can't say I blame them.  Wish we had duct tape!

July 9 - While we were out running errands in Seattle, Chin & I decided that we'd just take a spontaneous trip to Longview!  With nothing packed, we managed to make it work.  (It may not sound very special to those of you who don't have children, but it was kind of a big deal for us.)

July 11 - 7Elevens had their free Slurpee day today!  Camille and I went to get one.  She insisted on sucking on the straw.  We'd tried and tried introducing the straw to her for the past 4-5 months.  And finally, the Slurpee did it!  From this day forth, she knows how to suck fluids up a straw.  Amazing!

Favorite part...
Family snuggle time.  Every morning before Chin goes to work, the three of us would just roll around in bed together.  Mostly it's Camille snuggling with us for about 30 seconds and then the rest of the time, the two of us are trying to wrangle her.

Least favorite... 
When I feed Camille, she doesn't want to eat, she squats food away, and it lands in the most inconvenient places.  Somehow, there's always food in her hair!

Shout outs
...to all the old peeps on the Holland America Cruise.  They were all real cool.

...to Lam and my sister GT for helping us watch Camille while I was at school!

Look at that pouty face. (Picture taken by Auntie Lam)

...to the Chins for lending us a stroller for our trip to California.  I highly recommend getting the MacLaren Volo!

...to GT & Wayman for taking us to and bringing us back from the airport.

Discoveries & reflections
...Words & phases often heard around here these days:

• "WHAT is in her mouth?"
• "No screaming!"
• "Camille!!  EAT!!"
• "Argh!! Not on the carpet!!"
• "Nooooo!  Stop eating Mommy's textbooks!" (But we all know this is as much action as these things are ever going to get.)
• "She's made a patty." (Translation: "She has pooped.")
• "She's giving birth." (Translation: "She's very constipated.")
• "It's TJN time!" (Translation: "Time to give her a bath.  Her neck smells like toe jam." TJN = toe-jammy neck.)

"What?"

...We've been doing elimination communication since Camille was pretty little.  We started associating a "psst psst psst" sound with toileting since the day she was born.  Nowadays when I put her over the toilet, rather than waiting for me to make the sound, Camille would make the "psst psst psst" sound. :)

...After many months of feeding solids to Camille, I am still incapable of spoon-feeding her without mimicking the eating movements with my own mouth.  You know what I'm talking about!

...When Camille doesn't eat or drink, it makes me want to cry.

...The last thing a mom of a skinny kid wants to hear is grandmas telling her, "Could you try a little harder to feed her more?"

...Her lack of weight is always a concern for us.  I just want to write that down so that there's a written record somewhere.  We do feed her.  We do care about her deeply.  For some reason, people (grandparents, mostly) are not so convinced of this.

...Camille's love for her dad is one of the most amazing things I've been fortunate enough to witness. Her eyes light up and she gives the brightest smile when Daddy comes home from work. He makes her laugh out loud. They have a blast together. I love it!

Fun times with BaBa

...Camille has my thighs. I'm sorry.

...Camille has my temperament. I'm sorry.

...It used to be that every month, we (I) would go through Camille's clothes and put aside the items that she has outgrown.  This month: nothing.  In fact, I feel that she's even regressing and can fit into 3-6 month stuff!  Our baby has simply stopped growing.

"I fart rainbows."

...When Camille is well-rested, she will wake up very happy.  She will smile and clap when I go in to get her.  If she ever wakes up really irritated, it's best if I let her cry for a couple of minutes and let her fall back asleep.  It works nearly every time!

...Camille is starting to look like a kid.  Like a toddler.  No more baby Camille. :(

The last sticker picture before she turns ONE!

Camille's tenth month: A review

Again, a late post.  Sorry, fans!  We were on a cruise, you see, and we just came back a few days ago.  Also, today is the last day of my maternity leave.  I go back to school tomorrow.  *sniff sniff hooray!*

"What's up, Cat?"

Naturally, Camille continues to brighten our lives with all sorts of loveliness.  Here are the ways that she's grown lately:

• Camille likes to mimic sounds.  One day, I made a clicking sound with my tongue and amazingly, she was able to copy me!  When we say "baba" or "please" or "yucky," it seems like she's trying to imitate the sound, too.
• She is very particular with toys.  She likes toys that are (1) not her toys from home, and (2) not intended to be toys...like electrical wires.
• She loves to play with the dresser in her room.  It is just a matter of time before some little fingers get smashed.  I'm not ready for that day.
• Camille will wave hello/goodbye, but very unpredictably.
• Her manual dexterity continues to improve.  She can take a small piece of cereal with her thumb and forefinger, transfer it to the thumb and forefinger of the other hand, and insert it into her mouth but only far enough so that she can slowly crunch it with her six front teeth.  Girlfriend's got skills!
• A few people have commented on how strong Camille is.  I don't think she's extraordinarily strong.  I think people are just caught off guard that a girl this scrawny can have any muscle strength at all! :P  She has started to walk gripping onto our hands.  At first, she would only take a few steps before getting distracted/bored/thinking "I can crawl so much more efficiently than this."  But she is slowly making more progress and is taking increasingly more steps.  Still, I don't want her to be an early walker.  Our house is totally not toddler proof!
  

Messin'

The specs
As of June 10, 2011:

• Weight: 15 pounds even
• Teeth: 2 at the bottom, 4 at the top

Pig tails

Milestones & important events
May 19 - While Camille was laying down, I said, "Do you wanna stand?" (I say this a lot)...and she extended her arms to grab onto my hands so I could help her up!  Also, later that day, the OT/lactation consultant at Children's called for a check-in.  Hearing that there is no progress in the drinking department, she said, "There isn't anything mechanically wrong.  Camille knows how to drink.  It's just a matter of her strong will.  I wonder if your best option might just be to cut off nursing completely so that she could learn how to drink from another source.  And then it might be possible to reintroduce breastfeeding later once she's gotten a hang of drinking from a cup."

May 20 - I started cutting off breastfeeding completely.  This was a very difficult decision but I was just so tired of battling with Camille.  The following days were pretty unpleasant.  Every time she woke up, she expected breastfeeding.  When we offered her milk in a cup, she was very upset.

May 22 - After over 48 hours of holding out on breastfeeding her, Camille had only taken in a cumulative of 4 oz of milk.  We were both very frustrated.  I called up Krista to ask for her advice.  Well, she didn't have any advice for me (ha!), but it was a good conversation that gave me insight into my own stubbornness.  I resumed breastfeeding Camille that morning.  She was so happy and fell asleep right away.  What a sweet girl.

May 23 - Camille was mistaken for a parrot at Grocery Outlet. 

June 1 - Went down the slides for the first time!

Down the slides with BaBa

June 8 - While playing, hanging onto the couch, Camille suddenly pushed the couch away and stood on her own for a few seconds.  Then she sat down on her bum...with a huge, proud grin on her face. :)  She hasn't done that very often since then, though.  We also had an appointment at Seattle Children's GI department today.  Verdict: she's perfectly healthy...and incredibly strong-willed.

June 9 - Camille climbed up a step all by herself.  We live in a small apartment with no stairs inside the living space and Camille has not had an opportunity to try out this skill.  When we were visiting the Pangs, she wanted to come to me and climbed up a step (from the sunken living room) to get to me.  Good job, Miu Miu!!

June 11 - I put Camille's hair in pigtails for the first time (her hair is getting long and her neck is always so sweaty).  She looks supah cute!  She looks like Boo, the little girl from Monsters, Inc.

June 12 - We take off for a week-long cruise to Alaska.  The first time for all of us!

We're on a boat!

Favorite part...
Chin took some time off for the cruise.  Being together as a family was definitely the highlight of this month!

Least favorite... 
Do I need to say it again?  I think my least favorite moments involve having milk (oh yes, milk that I took so much effort to pump) spat out at me or spilled on the carpet/clothes/hair/etc.

Shout outs
...to Kristie for babysitting Camille several times during our sippy cup training trials.  So, so sorry, Kristie!!

...to Jonas Leong for lending Camille his fancy sippy cup.  Unfortunately, she didn't like it :(

...to the Grays for taking Camille when we were just fed up with her...and giving her the love and comfort that she needed at the time.  Thank you so much!

...to Dr. Ghassan Wahbeh at Seattle Children's GI Clinic for letting us know that Camille is totally fine and that she should be given more fruits so she won't be so constipated.  Oops!  As Chin said, "This guy really knows his sh!t."

...to Grandma Ng for watching Camille so many times on the cruise so we could go watch shows and leisurely buffet ourselves to death.

Discoveries & reflections
...I think every parent has had that moment when the thought briefly crosses their mind, "Hmm...this [food] kinda smells like [my child]'s poop.  No!!  Stop thinking this!  Stop thinking this right now!"

*Evil laugh*

...It seems inevitable that we have to cut Camille's hair soon.  The back of her neck gets really sweaty as the weather is getting warmer because of her thick hair.  Awww...I don't wanna cut her hair!

...Someone recently asked me, "Have you been teaching Camille baby sign language?  You know, it's proven to blah blah blah."  To which I responded, "Of course I've been teaching her sign language!"  I have not.  I haven't taught her body parts or how to clap or any good words.  Crap, I guess you're not going to amount to much, kid!

...I think Camille is really smart.  No, no, I'm not just that biased mom who thinks her baby is the best.  She is empirically the best!!

It's been an incredible 10 months
staying home with you, Camille!

Why bother?

I've been struggling a lot in my prayer life lately.  It is painful.  But in a way, I welcome this struggle because any interaction I have with God is a good thing.

In recent years, God has been taking me to hard places where it is difficult to praise His name.  It is in these dark places where the most bitter sweet songs of praise arise.

But sometimes I don't want to sing.

Sometimes I ask God why I bother asking Him for anything.  For the life of my nephews David and Benjamin.  For the baby I miscarried early in 2009.  For our daughter Penelope.  For my nephew Caleb.  And most recently, for our friend Dwight.  

Please, don't ask me to think of "all the other miracles" in my life.  I get it.  They're great.  Whatever.

Why do I even bother to pray for miracles anymore?  And how do I pray for them?  How do I petition to God whole-heartedly, while at the same time bracing myself for the worst?  I feel incapable of praying with abandon anymore.

It seems that every time something tragic happens, God takes me to the valley and asks, "Am I still your King?  Am I still your first love?"  It gets more difficult to answer Him as the valley seems to get darker and darker.

Then I realize...it's not about me.  It's not even about my perception of the darkness in the valley.  It's all about God's constancy. 

This song helps me in those times.  But I cry every time I hear it...because I still don't see the bigger picture.



Lord, please forgive me if I have shamed Your Name in any way.  I still love You with all my heart.  I just wish I could be more...daring.  Please keep working on me.

You are still my King.

You are still my First Love.

Breaking a child's will without breaking her spirit

I realize that the title of this post might be misleading.  This is not a "how to" kind of post.  I have no idea how to do it.

In this mothering journey, I have come to realize that I have no idea how to do most things.  I just rely on the goodness of God and the kindness of my husband who sometimes takes the baby and lets me sleep in.

I'm writing this post at 4:30 in the morning.  Camille woke up crying at around 3:15am.  Instinctively, I knew she woke up because she was thirsty/hungry.  I didn't feel like she nursed very well before bed because she was a little hyperactive and wanted to crawl around.  I had to switch from side-lying nursing to picking her up and holding her to nurse in order to keep her from crawling away.  Still didn't work.

I waited until 3:35 to pick her up.  Yes, I let her cry bloody murder for 20 minutes.  (Thankfully, we must have thick walls because the neighbors insist that they never hear her cry.  I'm also thankful that Chin can sleep through her crying, too, for the most part.) 

I really struggled with the decision to pick her up.  If I pick her up and nurse her, will she develop this pattern of always wanting to be nursed in the middle of the night?  Should I just leave her to cry until she is so tired she will pass out again?  What kind of a mother would be so cruel?  What do my instincts say?  (Yes, I am plagued by this awful question all the time!)

I decided to heat up a ThinkBaby transitional sippy cup with about 3 oz of pumped milk and a little bit of formula for a calorie booster.  Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeams and struggles and gulps of milk spat out on my face and all over the bed.  No go.  Rest a little bit.  Try again.  Same results.  Rest a little bit.  Try again.  Same results. 

Then I tried to reason with her.  "Beloved child, if you don't take the milk from this cup, I am putting you back in bed.  This is Mommy's milk.  It's good for you.  It will make you less thirsty."  Who expects anyone to think straight at four in the morning?!

Try again.  Same results.

Then I think about her recent weight loss, undoubtedly due to the fact that she's simply not getting enough milk.  I think about nursing her.

But am I giving into her strong will?  How I break her will...without breaking her spirit?  And without breaking the trust that I have built with her?

Then I think of articles like this one.  Those natural parenting writings that "never intend to guilt you" but inevitably do so.

I don't know.  I don't know what to do.  She finally fell asleep in my arm.  I am sure she's still thirsty and hungry. 

What do I do?

I feel incredibly alone.

Camille's ninth month: A review

This post is obviously a few days late.  Sorry, Camille's fans!

We've had a busy month and the past few days have been a bit challenging with stubborn child not wanting to drink, friend in a coma, and us attending a marriage retreat...

Next month, I go back to school.  Wow!  I am both stoked and scared to go back to school.  I would love to once again interact with grown-ups.  But I am a little apprehensive about (1) my academic muscles being atrophied, (2) Camille not drinking while I'm away, and (3) missing the little girl. :(

Camille & Auntie GT (my sister)

Well, this little girl continues to grow developmentally...although not so much in terms of weight:

• Started making the waving/grasping hand motion for "hi" and "bye"...although I'm not sure if she's doing them on purpose.
• Pincer grip!  It's here in full force!  She loves playing with her food.
• She likes to drum on things and bang toys together.  She's starting to nod and shake to music!
• Loves playing peek-a-boo.  I think she gets object permanence, though, because she will go look for things that are hidden underneath the covers or inside my palm.
  
  

  

  Playing peek-a-boo with Kaia

• Can sit up on her own
• Can crawl
• Can pull herself up to a standing position.  This also means that she will take forever to go to sleep because she's just up...exploring her new skills!
• Very, very talkative at home and in the backseat of the car.  Once she's in public, how much she babbles depends on how comfortable she feels in that environment.  Her babbling has gotten more "sophisticated."  She says "BaBa" ("Daddy" in Cantonese) a lot; although we're not sure she knows what she means.  She just started saying "Mumma"...and this melts my heart.

The specs

As of May 17, 2011:

• Weight: 14 lb 7.5 oz (off the bottom of the chart!)
• Height: 27.75 in (50-75%ile)
• Head circumference: 16.5 in (5%ile)
• Teeth: 2 at the bottom, 4 at the top

Milestones & important events
April 23 - An unexpected drive through some of Washington's most beautiful sites!  First time visiting Skykomish, Leavenworth, Cle Elum, and Roslyn...first time for all of us.

Our family outside of the Roslyn Cafe
(from the show "Northern Exposure"!)

April 26 - Camille sits up on her own.

April 27 - For the first time ever: No poop!

April 28 - Camille bit me during nursing (intentionally!) and got herself in trouble.  I disciplined her for the very first time by putting her in time out...in her crib.  She started crying immediately because she knew she was in trouble!  I left her her there for 2-3 minutes.  After that, she never bit me again!

May 2 - It's hard to say when Camille started crawling because she's been scooting for a while now.  But this was approximately when she started making all the crawling motions and propelled herself forward...toward electrical wires.

May 5 - Cinco de Mayo!  Midwives Day!  Children's Day!  I took Camille to Children's for an appointment in the OT/PT department to get help with her drinking.  I also found out that day that Camille learned how to pull herself up to a standing position while she was in her crib.  How did I find out?  Via the baby monitor.  She stood up, reached out of the crib for the camera, took the camera into the crib and started chewing on it.  *sigh*  This girl...

May 7 - Camille's first Shrimp Feast!

May 8 - My first official Mother's Day (I'd already had 2 Mother's Days being with child)!  We also dedicated Camille at church.

We may look like we're posing,
but we are just really that perfect looking

May 12 - International Nurse's Day!  In honor of this day (joke), I started cutting down the number of times I nurse Camille.  Instead of nursing Camille four times a day (waking up, after first nap, after second nap, and before bed), I started cutting out the middle two sessions.  I was simply too frustrated with the fact that she was not making any progress in drinking and just wanted her to get desperate enough to try and drink.  Read more about this here.

Favorite part...
Hearing Camille babble/sing in the back seat.  Such a sweet sound.  She's so talkative!  In the middle of the night one night, she woke up, sat up in bed, babbled a few things for about 5 seconds, and then laid down and fell back asleep.  I love this girl a lot!

Least favorite... 
The sound of a snotty nose.  Camille still not taking milk out of the bottle/cup (and barely any other liquid).

Shout outs
...This is a belated shout out.  I can't believe I missed it!  Shout outs to Kristie for getting Camille her Fisher Price booster chair!  We use it everyday and it is so useful!

...to Mina for babysitting so I could go to my eye appointment.  Camille napped extra long that day and was very happy to see that Auntie Mina was still there when she woke up.  Thank you, Mina!!

...to Gayle Bonato for the thorough assessment of Camille's feeding problems and for offering great advice!

...to Lindsey for watching Camille while we spent much needed time away at the marriage retreat!

Discoveries & reflections
..."Have I brushed my teeth today?  I coulda sworn I have.  I distinctly remember applying toothpaste on the toothbrush.  I was standing right here...no wait, was that yesterday? *use tongue to check for dental cleanliness*  Hmm...  What have I eaten today?"  I have this thought going through my head nearly everyday.

...It doesn't matter if you have reached your pre-pregnancy weight or weigh even less.  If you routinely unbutton your jeans around the house, you have not lost all that baby weight!

...I have learned that I am self conscious about my postpartum pooch.  Just a little, usually.  Sometimes a lot.

...I think I would enjoy breastfeeding a lot more if I don't have the stress of transitioning her to a bottle/cup.

...No matter how freaking fantastic Daddy is, Mommy is the bottom line.  (But Camille's Daddy is pretty freaking fantastic!!)  Daddy can afford to reach a certain threshold and say, "I can't do this anymore."  Mommy never has the luxury to do so.  If all the Mommies of the world can bank on an equitable division of labor, say that they have reached their limit and then pass on the baton, I think that would be a pretty scary picture.  (Happy Mother's Day, Momkind!)

...When people say, "Wow, she feels so light!"  I hear, "So...how come you're not feeding her?"  When people say, "It's okay that she's skinny.  As long as she's healthy, right?  She doesn't even look that skinny to me, she looks just right."  I hear, "So...how come you're not feeding her?"  I know that's not what people mean.  But...such is the plight of a mother whose child is a bean pole.

...The more I feed Camille, the more she poops.  Some days, the volume of output seemingly exceeds the volume of input.  Seriously!  It seems like the act of feeding her is equivalent to earning and income.  And her pooping is equivalent to income tax.  The less effort I put into feeding her, the less poop comes out.  On days when she's been a good eater, she poops a lot!  Sometimes, I just say, "Why bother?!"  If I just don't feed her at all, can I just go on some form of...public assistance?

...I am finding that sometimes my attempts to be honest and transparent just sound like whining.  I post on Facebook all the time about my struggles with motherhood.  Recently, I've been wondering if it sounds like I'm just whining a lot.  Really, though, I just want to put it out there so no one would be under the illusion that this motherhood thing is all pink roses and maple bars (that's a saying, isn't it?).

...I have learned that I have no idea how to even start baby-proofing this place :-/

I like her a lot