On Having White Hair

For those that know me well, you already know that I go to great lengths to make sure I look my best each and everyday.  It's because of this that I lament that I am growing white hairs at an alarming rate.  This is particularly upsetting when I think that my children will never know their father with black hair.

I've never known my father with black hair.  In fact, it's strange to look at old pictures of him with a full head of black hair.  'Who's that skinny guy with black hair and lots of pimples?' I'd wonder.

Good God!  I just realized that I was the skinny guy with black hair and lots of pimples.  I suppose history is destined to repeat and my children will never know me with black hair.

The good news?  My father's family has prodigious longevity.  Get ready kids.  You're gonna be looking at your white-haired dad a long freakin' time.

MacNut Week 25

She has a name!  Camille :)  We have been thinking about this name since the beginning of our pregnancy but there were other candidates we were also considering.  After narrowing the choices down to two names several months ago, we decided that Camille was the name that we liked the best.  We've been testing out this name for the past two weeks and it is sticking!  We also sometimes call her "Millie" for short (because "Cammy" is destined to be a pole-dancer name*...and she ain't gonna wear no clear heels, even if she's 1/2 Vietnamese**).

My dad's name is Cam Le.  So his entire name is in hers.  We told my parents this morning and my dad said he was so honored.

We also chose the name Camille because even though it sounds very feminine, it is not too cutesy.  We were hoping to give her a name that can be taken seriously.  You can see Camille in a board room, can't you?

Finally, one thing that I have learned this week is that a gravid belly is kind of intimidating to some people.  Taking this knowledge into practice, I proudly showed off my belly while standing in a rarely-available parking spot on Broadway as I called Chin on the phone to tell him, "Quick!  A spot just opened up."  About half a dozen cars drove by and wanted the spot.  But once they saw my belly, they must have thought, "Do not mess with that pregnant lady!" and drove on by.  Success! :)

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• MacNut is the size of a rutabaga (W...T...H..?) - ~ 13.62 inches and 1.46 pounds.
• Bones are becoming solid, hands are now fully developed.
• The brain is growing rapidly, the brain cells are starting to mature.
• Baby's nostrils begin to open.
• The sexual organs are fully developed (but will not be in use for another 30+ years if her dad can help it***).
• The uterus is now about the size of a soccer ball and mom looks pregnant (ha!).

Physical:

• Weight: 143 lb (+17)
• Belly circumference: 37.25 in (+6.75)
• Fundal height: 24 in
• Baby continues to be very active.  This week was the first time, however, that I actually felt assaulted by how strong her movements were!  Have you ever played the trick with your pet where you make them chase your laser pointer?  It's totally like that!!
• This week continued to be a rough week for sleeping.  I have not been getting out of bed early simply because it just hurts to get out of bed.  I just haven't been getting restful sleep.  Some have advised warm baths before bed, or a maternity support belt (this is the one I have...it's a little loose on me), and sleeping on an air mattress.  If you have any other advice, please pass them my way!

Spiritual & emotional:

• Because of my lack of good sleep, I am like a zombie most days, I'm less productive, and this has a tremendous impact on my emotional well-being.
• I don't feel as moody as last week, thank goodness!
• Oh!  I received some highly-anticipated items in the mail this week: 4 pocket diapers (3 Smartipants and 1 free Fuzzibunz one-size) and a Freemie hands-free breast pump attachment.  I know!  Now I just need to get a poopy baby and start lactating (boy, I can already sense that I'm going to be sorry for saying that). :)
• Chin and I have been reflecting lately about our years of being "unencumbered by children."  We've been married for nearly 7 years (coming up 7/26).  They have been glorious years with rough patches that never last more than a day or two.  We've enjoyed our travels.  We've given our best, first fruits to the Lord.  We've definitely experienced deliverance from all sorts of shenanigans.  We have intentionally built in plenty of margin in our lives so that we can spend time together.  Yes, we are blessed!!  I can't even say it takes hard work.  It feels so natural to be married to Chin.  Well, we've been thinking about when (not whether) we will start lamenting these youthful, carefree years.  Will we regret not having done more before kids came along?  Probably.  But we both think that it's going to be a grand journey ahead :)

* Chin: Sorry if you know anyone named Cammy who isn't a stripper.
** After writing this, I realized this could look like I mean all Vietnamese women are strippers.  This, obviously, is not true.  I simply mean that a lot of Vietnamese women wear clear heels.  They do!
*** Chin: Uh, that's not true.  I don't want her to be celibate if she's married by the age of 30.

MacNut Week 24

This week is brought to you by the letter C.  C is for cankles.  Saturday was a hot day...and that was when I first discovered that my ankles had swollen up to blend seamlessly into my calves.  The saddest thing about this situation is that my feet are really small.  I looked really funny.  I wish I'd taken a picture. :)

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• MacNut is the length of an ear of corn!! - ~ 11.81 inches and 1.32 pounds.
• The child is now gaining around 3 ounces (90 grams) a week.
• Taste buds begin to form. If mom drinks something strange or bitter, baby may be observed showing her distaste.
• The eyelids can be seen very clearly.
• Age of viability has been reached! If born at this stage, she has up to 85% chance of survival.

Physical:

• Weight: 142 lb (+16)
• Belly circumference: 36.75 in (+6.25)
• Fundal height: 23 in 
• As I mentioned above, I was getting cankles on a couple of those "hot" days this week.  I also discovered one day that my left ring finger was turning purplish!  I had to take off my wedding band before it becomes impossible to remove :(
• This week has been extremely bad for sleeping.  I slept through the night all of one night and regularly get up at 4 or 5 every morning, unable to fall back asleep.  This is due to a variety of causes including charlie horses, hip soreness, pelvic pain, hunger, thirst, needing to go to the bathroom, or just waking up for no particular reason!
• I'm tired a lot this week because of this weird sleep pattern.  I guess God's just preparing me super early for what motherhood will feel like :)

Spiritual & emotional:

• My emotions have been kind of all over this place this week.  Saturday was great.  Sunday was fantastic.  Monday was horrible.  Tuesday started feeling better.  Wednesday was depressing.   Etc.  Just the littlest things would set me off to a foul mood.  It's like I'm cognizant of this emotional imbalance, but I have so little control over it.
• We've been having a very good time fellowshipping with the people at church.

Don't mess with my raging pregnancy hormones!

I heard a powerful quote recently: "Pregnancy trends come and go.  But bad advice never goes out of style."  Oh so true.  Many of you know that I have a wiki-style Google document of pregnancy and child-rearing advice.  Many of my friends have contributed to this document and, surprisingly, they are mostly very good advice!  I think the thing I appreciate the most about this document is the love that people have poured into sharing their personal experiences (instead of, "So-and-so's sister-in-law had a horrific experience with a home birth!").

I was given plenty of warning (advice) about parents who are just really over zealous with advice-giving once they find out I'm pregnant.  So far, it hasn't been too bad!  There are several things that bug me when it comes to people's reactions to pregnancy, childbirth and parenting, though.  And don't even get me started about the lame things people have said to me after we lost Penelope!!  I've compiled them in this top 10 list below.  Honestly, it was really hard to rank them.  They're all kind of equally frustrating to me.  Anyway, here they are:

Top 10 baby-related things that irk me (and there are a lot of things)

10. When people call being pregnant "preggo" or "preggers."  C'mon, pregnant is only 2 syllables.  (Okay, this actually doesn't bug me that bad.  Hence it being #10.)

9. When women advise me to "only gain between 15 to 25 pounds in pregnancy because that way baby will be smaller and easier to push out."  Yes, and you're guaranteed to enjoy sex more after pushing out a 5 pound baby as opposed to a 7-pounder.  Ironically, this advice is (1) never given to me by women who seem to enjoy their sex lives (you know who you are) and (2) usually given by women who end up with some sort of analgesia/anesthesia for birth anyway.  I dunno about you, but this kind of advice sounds terribly selfish to me.  I get it that you shouldn't gain excessive weight...but for the sole reason of birthing ease?  C'mon... 

8. When another mom observes what you do with your kid and then say, "Oh, that's how you do it?  Interesting..."  You know what?  You can leave. 

7. When baby smiles and people say, "Oh, it's just gas!"  Okay, you know what?  You can leave.  Because if it's at all genetic, my baby's gas is going to not be so pleasant for you. 

6. When I tell people what we're hoping to do when baby arrives and they say, "Wow!  Okay, we'll see how that goes and how many days that'll last before you quit!"  Yes, we will, Captain Optimist.  Jerk. 

5. When I mention that we will be trying out the cloth diapering route, I get all sorts of responses.  Mostly, "Good for you" with the reactional undertone of "Eww, gross."  What irks me is when people cite their friends' experiences with diaper rashes and how baby has to sit in pee and poop when using reusables.  So...your disposable-diapered babies never had diaper rashes?  And when they did, did you rush out to get cloth diapers?  But, I appreciate your valiant effort in crusading for the destruction of the planet. 

4. When the nurse tells a laboring or postpartum woman, "Nobody is going to give you a medal of honor for doing it all natural and being brave."  No, really?  And here I am with the display case ALL ready! 

3. When L&D nurses roll their eyes at women who've prepared birth plans.  "They're just bound for a c-section," they'd often say.  I'd like to c-section you if you keep rolling your eyes! 

2. When people look down on moms who can't successfully breastfeed.  I don't know from experience...but I'm pretty sure it's tough work.  Shame on you for thinking that way!! 

1. When people are competitive about their children's or grandchildren's developmental prowess.  It's never so overt that they could be called on it.  But we've all seen it, haven't we?  I recently put in a bid with God for "smartest baby in the world" and "fastest crawler at 5 months while sleeping through the night while preparing own meal while potty trained while mastering quantum physics."  We'll see how that goes.  And then I'd like to see you weep.  God REALLY likes me, believe it or not.

Did you find yourself in any of the above rants?  If you did, it's okay.  I still love you.

Now let's hear from YOU!  What ticks you?

MacNut Week 23

Promptly after taking this picture, I received a distressed phone call from The Early 90's.  Apparently they wanted their jeans back.

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• MacNut is the weight of a large mango - ~ 11.38 inches and 1.10 pounds.
• The eyebrows are visible.
• The child can successfully suck.
• Bones located in the middle ear harden. Your baby does a regular 'workout' inside your womb. She turns from side to side and head over heels. Thanks to a fully developed inner ear, which controls balance, your baby may have a sense of whether she is upside-down or right side up in the womb. 
• Skin pigment is now forming. The fetus is now proportioned like a newborn except it is a thinner version of a newborn baby since its baby fat has not developed much yet. 
• The pancreas, essential in the production of hormones, is developing steadily. Baby has begun producing insulin, important for the breakdown of sugars.
• If born now, your baby would have a 20% chance of survival, the odds going up with each passing day.

Physical:

• Weight: 141 lb (+15)
• Belly circumference: 36.25 in (+5.75)
• Fundal height: 22 in
• I've been really bad this week about eating when I need to.  As in, when I am too busy, I would often delay eating for too long.  Sorry, kid.
• I checked in with my midwife about the pelvic pain and she gave me some very good, tangible advice (how to get out of a car, log-rolling in bed, which yoga moves are okay and which are not, etc.) in addition to ordering me a maternity support belt!  I love my midwives!
• I did not take a single nap this week!  Level of energy has been really decent.  (Not to say that this is appropriately correlated with how productive I have been!)

Spiritual & emotional:

• I feel a bit more emotionally stable this week.
• Sunday was my second Mother's Day with a kiddo in-utero.  We went to my brothers' church in Portland and Chin came up to give me a flower during the time of recognition for mothers saying, "This is from Penelope, MacNut, and me."  I couldn't help but tear up.  God has given me so many significant people in my life.  I love them all.
• My cloth diapering obsession continues to be feverish and I have actually invested in a decent size stash!  I found a dozen brand new bumGenius 3.0 one-size pocket diapers for $13 a piece (courtesy of Craigslist).  Which is pretty nice since they generally cost ~$17 a piece before tax & shipping!  I also invested in five Smartipants one-size pocket diapers for $11 a piece from Kelly's Closet (they usually cost $15 a piece).  I found a promo code for a free surprise, mystery one-size diaper.  Can't wait for these to arrive!!
• I asked Tara, a friend of mine from nursing school, to be our birth doula last week.  She initially had plans to be studying on The Farm around the time that MacNut is due.  But that plan fell through...which is kind of a bummer for her but I am SO happy that she is able to be there for MacNut's birth!  As an added bonus, Tara is taking a pre-/perinatal massage course at Bastyr...and she'll get to practice on me come September. :)

If she ends up not looking like me...

...I'd be a little bummed. :-/

  

MacNut's ultrasound picture @ 19 weeks & Bao @ about 3 months old

MacNut Week 22

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• MacNut is the size of a spaghetti squash - ~ 10.91 inches and 15.17 ounces.
• The fetus reacts to loud sounds.
• Baby starts having a regular sleeping and waking rhythm.
• The mother's movements can wake her baby (yep!).
• Taste buds are forming on your baby's tongue.
• The weekly weight gain has increased to around 70 grams.

Physical:

• Weight: 139 lb (+13)
• Belly circumference: 35.75 in (+5.25)
• Hungry all the time.  I am always looking for food on an hourly basis.  I should increase our grocery shopping trips!
• My belly button is just about completely flushed with the belly.
• I've been having some pelvic discomfort for the past few weeks.  Mostly in the morning when I get out of bed.  I've been told that it's just my uterus getting friggin' huge and my pelvis adjusting to the weight.

Spiritual & emotional:

• This week has been pretty peaceful.  School has been busy but manageable.  Work has been fine.  I have been able to find time to be calm and quiet in the morning (not in front of a computer screen...which takes a lot of discipline for me!).
• The week didn't start out well, though.  I had a bit of a hormone-induced breakdown on Monday.  I felt like the world was kind of caving and I didn't know what to do.  I felt like Chin was drawing away from me because I was so needy.  I felt like my sisters weren't being very supportive of my exploration of the cloth-diapering route.  I felt like my friends were being overly critical of attachment parenting because I'm not quite embracing the whole "let 'em know who's boss" method.  (For the record, I think God is the boss.  Got it?!)  I've since come to my senses and realize that (1) not all those things are true, and (2) even if they were, who cares!!  I just can't take on the world.  I just need to rest in the shadow of the Almighty...where I am most safe.
• We still haven't decided on a name.  But I am okay with that.  Chin actually prefers to call her "MacNut" :)  This week, I discovered that a number of people have been calling her "McNut."  Haha!  It's a'ight.  But she won't respond to you if you call her that.  It's "MacNut" like "Macadamia Nut"...because of our trip to Hawai'i in November.  Which is not where she was conceived, by the way.  Common misconception, friends.