Pregnancy
1st trimester - sucked.
2nd trimester - glorious!
3rd trimester - sucked.
I think that about sums it up. Honestly, after Camille is born, I don't even remember pregnancy all that much. I'd like to think that motherhood is so blissful that I block out the sucky memories of pregnancy. But I think it's just sleep deprivation induced amnesia.
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| I miss feeling the kicks and rolls |
From week 11 to week 20, I had a solid ten weeks of pure pregnancy bliss! No more nausea/vomiting. My appetite came back. My belly grew. My pregnancy became public knowledge. We found out Camille was a girl and named her. It was spectacular!
The last stretch of pregnancy (weeks 21 to 37) was not so fun physically or emotionally...but the anticipation of Camille's arrival was amazing.
Favorite part ... Hands down: feeling baby move! Followed by second best: having Chin feel baby move.
Least favorite ... Was the emotional strain in the 3rd trimester with the passing of Caleb and the stress of school.
If I could do it over again ... I would eat more healthy. I ate a lot of unhealthy foods and would often let myself go hungry because I was too lazy to make something to eat. I think the key is to have healthy foods prepped and ready to go. That's what I would do next time.
Labor & Delivery
I would consider myself having a relatively short labor. But my mentor (Christine Nakano) would say, "You were in labor for three months!" Alright. Alright! Buuuuuut, I'm still going to consider "real-ish" labor to start the Friday before Camille was born...and "real" labor starting at 3:40am on Camille's birthday.
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| She's here! She's really, finally here! |
Favorite part ... Pushing!! Pushing was by far the best part of the process! The pain was annoying when there wasn't anything I could do except to breathe through it. Pushing, now, that was productive! I just made the most awkward pushing-face in the world and just went at it with abandonment. It was great! I can't stress enough how much I loved this part!!
Least favorite ... I could say the worst part was the anticipation of our baby's arrival, or the feeling of helplessness, or being unprepared because it all happened so quickly, blah blah blah. Whatever. It was the pain. It was painful. But, yes, good thing it was quick!
If I could do it over again ... I would not let my "plan" ruin the labor experience. I was feeling bad that I had called everyone and told them that I was in labor on Friday...and then everything halted. Next time, I will choose not to care so much. Baby comes when baby comes.
Recovery
This is a part of childbearing that a lot of women don't talk about. They say that recovery from childbirth typically takes about 6 weeks. From my experience, this was pretty much true.
Did this mean I was back to my pre-pregnancy shape by this time? No.
Did this mean intimacy could just be picked up where we left off? No.
Did this mean I was more or less kind of normal again? Kind of.
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| At nearly 3 weeks postpartum, you can see that I still looked about 5 months pregnant. This is normal, folks! Embrace it! |
One weird thing that I did not anticipate for was the degree of urinary incontinence I had in the immediate postpartum period. The day after delivering Camille, I went into our bathroom and as soon as I saw the toilet, I felt pee running down my legs. What? WHAT?! This also happened to be on my 30th birthday. Am I that old that I already have urinary incontinence?! For the next couple of days, I would have a hard time controlling my bladder just right before getting to the toilet. I had to make a point to go to the bathroom frequently to avoid this from happening. I also did more Kegel exercises...which Tara (my trusty friend & doula) reminded me also helped with the healing process "down under" as the flexing rushes blood to the area and speeds up the restoration of the area.
I also had a urinary tract infection (UTI) and a kidney infection. How did this happen? Lemme tell you... After delivery, the midwifery student gave me some misoprostol to ensure that I won't bleed out. Misoprostol commonly causes a slight spike in temperature. When they saw that I had a low grade fever, the team of nurses + midwives + OBs (who did not take into account the fact that I was given misoprostol *tsk tsk*) decided that I must have an infection. A common infection is a UTI. So they decided to get a urine sample with a catheter insertion (which, by the way, was nearly as painful as the birthing process...and nowhere near as beautiful). The result, of course, came back that I did not have a UTI. I could have told them that! Even though I felt feverish, I had a feeling that everything was fine. I felt like my body just needed some time to work things out. Besides, I just gave birth to another human being. Give me a couple of hours to bounce back! Geez!! Anyway, in the process of inserting the catheter, the two nurses totally botched it and introduced some E. coli into my bladder. About 4-5 days postpartum, I felt that things were not right but I didn't know what it was. I had a feeling that I had a UTI and maybe even a kidney infection because I had flank pain on my left side. I should have trusted my instincts...because a few nights later, I suddenly had a fever of 103 and was taken to the ER where they found that, yay, I had a UTI and a kidney infection. After some antibiotics, I was peachy again. *phew*
Oh! Postpartum depression (PPD). Did I have it? I would say "no." I did have the typical postpartum blues from time to time, though. I do remember very distinctly one day while sitting at the dining room table thinking, "I think PPD is creeping up on me! But let's think this through first..." I remembered feeling sad. And so I sorted through all the reasons why I should be sad and I methodically used logic to explain to myself how silly it was to be sad. I had no reason to be sad. Silly. PPD = over.
While we're on the topic of PPD, however, I would like to say that I have cracked the code. Yes. I think I have figured out why women (more specifically women in Western cultures) get PPD. Here goes:
- In the postpartum period, whether you are having your first child or your tenth (but most likely, your first), you are going through a fantastic time of transition.
- As your whole life shifts, you are demanded to think all introspectively and get all emotional.
- To add to this wild fire are your raging postpartum hormones.
- To add even more fuel is the fact that you have not been sleeping and you are completely delirious.
- The deliriousness impedes your ability to think clearly.
- This fogginess of mind in combination with the prompts to be introspective then lead to depression.
I would also like to add to this theory that the best way to mitigate the possibility of PPD is: living in community. In the "home country" this would mean living with family. Our current situation puts us far away from family and we (as I am sure many of you can relate) make a patchworked family out of friends around us. An old couple from church can be the wise grandparents. Friends without children can be the spoiling aunts and uncles. Anyway, you know what I mean. And we love our patchworked family here! So many of you have brought us food, come to visit, and given us invaluable advice. Without you (and our real families, of course), we really could not have made it out of this postpartum period with any wits intact. Thank you so much!!
Favorite part ... Camille. It's cliché, I know, but I have to say that my favorite part was getting to know this little person.
Least favorite ... Oh, boy, what is it? There are so many things that I did not enjoy so much. I can't pick just one. I will give you...the top three things: sleep deprivation, UTI & kidney infection, and leaking milk everywhere. Yup. That about sums it up.
If I could do it over again ... I would trust myself more and make quick decisions based on those instincts.
