Reflections on pregnancy, labor+delivery, and recovery

A bit overdue, but here are my reflections on pregnancy, labor, delivery, and recovery.  Better late than never, right?  These things have been on my mind for a long time and I'm finally going to write about them :)

Pregnancy
1st trimester - sucked.

2nd trimester - glorious!

3rd trimester - sucked.

I think that about sums it up.  Honestly, after Camille is born, I don't even remember pregnancy all that much.  I'd like to think that motherhood is so blissful that I block out the sucky memories of pregnancy.  But I think it's just sleep deprivation induced amnesia.

I miss feeling the kicks and rolls

Okay, so, reflecting on my pregnancy experience (you can read my account of the whole pregnancy starting from week 0)...  I did not like weeks 6 to 10 of pregnancy at all.  The nausea and vomiting was horrible.  I also felt bloated.  And at the beginning, I didn't tell a lot of people so it was just this limbo period of feeling a little fat and gross.

From week 11 to week 20, I had a solid ten weeks of pure pregnancy bliss!  No more nausea/vomiting.  My appetite came back.  My belly grew.  My pregnancy became public knowledge.  We found out Camille was a girl and named her.  It was spectacular!

The last stretch of pregnancy (weeks 21 to 37) was not so fun physically or emotionally...but the anticipation of Camille's arrival was amazing.

Favorite part ... Hands down: feeling baby move!  Followed by second best: having Chin feel baby move. 

Least favorite ... Was the emotional strain in the 3rd trimester with the passing of Caleb and the stress of school.

If I could do it over again ... I would eat more healthy.  I ate a lot of unhealthy foods and would often let myself go hungry because I was too lazy to make something to eat.  I think the key is to have healthy foods prepped and ready to go.  That's what I would do next time.

Labor & Delivery
I would consider myself having a relatively short labor.  But my mentor (Christine Nakano) would say, "You were in labor for three months!"  Alright.  Alright!  Buuuuuut, I'm still going to consider "real-ish" labor to start the Friday before Camille was born...and "real" labor starting at 3:40am on Camille's birthday.

She's here!  She's really, finally here!

Considering that I was sleeping when my water broke and I delivered 93 minutes later, it was a very precipitous labor!  I am SO thankful for that!

Favorite part ... Pushing!!  Pushing was by far the best part of the process!  The pain was annoying when there wasn't anything I could do except to breathe through it.  Pushing, now, that was productive!  I just made the most awkward pushing-face in the world and just went at it with abandonment.  It was great!  I can't stress enough how much I loved this part!!

Least favorite ... I could say the worst part was the anticipation of our baby's arrival, or the feeling of helplessness, or being unprepared because it all happened so quickly, blah blah blah.  Whatever.  It was the pain.  It was painful.  But, yes, good thing it was quick!

If I could do it over again ... I would not let my "plan" ruin the labor experience.  I was feeling bad that I had called everyone and told them that I was in labor on Friday...and then everything halted.  Next time, I will choose not to care so much.  Baby comes when baby comes.

Recovery
This is a part of childbearing that a lot of women don't talk about.  They say that recovery from childbirth typically takes about 6 weeks.  From my experience, this was pretty much true.

Did this mean I was back to my pre-pregnancy shape by this time?  No. 

Did this mean intimacy could just be picked up where we left off?  No. 

Did this mean I was more or less kind of normal again?  Kind of.

At nearly 3 weeks postpartum, you can see that I still looked 
about 5 months pregnant.  This is normal, folks! Embrace it!

Breastfeeding definitely helps with the "getting back to your pre-pregnancy shape" part.  At the end of the 6 weeks, I think I was still about 5-7 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight.  At 3 months postpartum, I'm 5 pounds lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight.  Does this mean I am hotter than before?  My boobs are bigger and I'm thinner.  You do the math!  Although...I have not even attempted to wear non-maternity pants yet :P

One weird thing that I did not anticipate for was the degree of urinary incontinence I had in the immediate postpartum period.  The day after delivering Camille, I went into our bathroom and as soon as I saw the toilet, I felt pee running down my legs.  What?  WHAT?!  This also happened to be on my 30th birthday.  Am I that old that I already have urinary incontinence?!  For the next couple of days, I would have a hard time controlling my bladder just right before getting to the toilet.  I had to make a point to go to the bathroom frequently to avoid this from happening.  I also did more Kegel exercises...which Tara (my trusty friend & doula) reminded me also helped with the healing process "down under" as the flexing rushes blood to the area and speeds up the restoration of the area.

I also had a urinary tract infection (UTI) and a kidney infection.  How did this happen?  Lemme tell you...  After delivery, the midwifery student gave me some misoprostol to ensure that I won't bleed out.  Misoprostol commonly causes a slight spike in temperature.  When they saw that I had a low grade fever, the team of nurses + midwives + OBs (who did not take into account the fact that I was given misoprostol *tsk tsk*) decided that I must have an infection.  A common infection is a UTI.  So they decided to get a urine sample with a catheter insertion (which, by the way, was nearly as painful as the birthing process...and nowhere near as beautiful).  The result, of course, came back that I did not have a UTI.  I could have told them that!  Even though I felt feverish, I had a feeling that everything was fine.  I felt like my body just needed some time to work things out.  Besides, I just gave birth to another human being.  Give me a couple of hours to bounce back!  Geez!!  Anyway, in the process of inserting the catheter, the two nurses totally botched it and introduced some E. coli into my bladder.  About 4-5 days postpartum, I felt that things were not right but I didn't know what it was.  I had a feeling that I had a UTI and maybe even a kidney infection because I had flank pain on my left side.  I should have trusted my instincts...because a few nights later, I suddenly had a fever of 103 and was taken to the ER where they found that, yay, I had a UTI and a kidney infection.  After some antibiotics, I was peachy again.  *phew*

Oh!  Postpartum depression (PPD).  Did I have it?  I would say "no."  I did have the typical postpartum blues from time to time, though.  I do remember very distinctly one day while sitting at the dining room table thinking, "I think PPD is creeping up on me!  But let's think this through first..."  I remembered feeling sad.  And so I sorted through all the reasons why I should be sad and I methodically used logic to explain to myself how silly it was to be sad.  I had no reason to be sad.  Silly.  PPD = over.

While we're on the topic of PPD, however, I would like to say that I have cracked the code.  Yes.  I think I have figured out why women (more specifically women in Western cultures) get PPD.  Here goes:

• In the postpartum period, whether you are having your first child or your tenth (but most likely, your first), you are going through a fantastic time of transition.  
• As your whole life shifts, you are demanded to think all introspectively and get all emotional.
• To add to this wild fire are your raging postpartum hormones.
• To add even more fuel is the fact that you have not been sleeping and you are completely delirious.
• The deliriousness impedes your ability to think clearly.
• This fogginess of mind in combination with the prompts to be introspective then lead to depression.

TADA!

I would also like to add to this theory that the best way to mitigate the possibility of PPD is: living in community.  In the "home country" this would mean living with family.  Our current situation puts us far away from family and we (as I am sure many of you can relate) make a patchworked family out of friends around us.  An old couple from church can be the wise grandparents.  Friends without children can be the spoiling aunts and uncles.  Anyway, you know what I mean.  And we love our patchworked family here!  So many of you have brought us food, come to visit, and given us invaluable advice.  Without you (and our real families, of course), we really could not have made it out of this postpartum period with any wits intact.  Thank you so much!!

Favorite part ... Camille.  It's cliché, I know, but I have to say that my favorite part was getting to know this little person.

Least favorite ... Oh, boy, what is it?  There are so many things that I did not enjoy so much.  I can't pick just one.  I will give you...the top three things: sleep deprivation, UTI & kidney infection, and leaking milk everywhere.  Yup.  That about sums it up.

If I could do it over again ... I would trust myself more and make quick decisions based on those instincts.

Camille's birth story

This is the account of Camille's birth...starting a few days before she was born.  A story written by Chin, Bao, and Tara (our doula). :)  It's kind of a long story.  So if you just want to read the exciting part, scroll down to Saturday 8/14.

Tuesday 8/10
Major nesting with laundering all the baby clothes and sorting out stuff to give away.

Ikea 8-drawer Hemnes dresser - Camille's

Wednesday 8/11
Appointment with Judy Lowe:

• 70% effaced
• 3 cm dilated
• +1 station (yes, PLUS 1)
• bag is bulging
• baby at ~7 pounds (maybe a couple of ounces over)
• "I think baby will be here by this weekend," Judy predicted.  Bao thought it'll be next week.

Nesting continued, but mostly busy with visitors and was tired.

Grandma & Grandpa Ng gave Camille a Chinese name: 吳妙君...meaning, her Vietnamese name is: Ngô Diệu Quân.

Tara (our doula) came over for a visit and we went through birth preferences, formulating a plan to go over with Chin later that night. We also discussed comfort measures and coping mechanisms for birth. Tara offered a book to look at and Bao said, “No thanks, I don’t think I will have time to go through it.” Whether or not Group Health permits mothers to eat in labor is a concern. Bao confirmed she has her snack bag packed (though the hospital bag was not).

Thursday 8/12
More nesting. Purchased another dresser for the bedroom (Craigslist once again saves the day!). Feeling a little more “complete.”

Chin’s thoughts: “Man that dresser was big.” I do think the room is ready for the arrival of Camille. Bao has done a great job of visioning for how our home can be transformed to best accommodate our new family composition. I’m just the muscle to move it all.  (Well, me and Wayman.)

Ikea 6-drawer Hemnes dresser - Chin & Bao's

Bao made delicious pasta and sauce - carbo loading for the marathon!

Bao shared article regarding national hospital policy and evidence related to eating in labor. Tara called Group Health and confirmed that Bao can eat solids to her heart's content and if she opts for an epidural, then clear liquids.

Bao couldn’t sleep. Too excited! Lots on mind: What else do I need to do? Why have I been slacking all this time? What if she comes tonight?!

Friday 8/13
9:00 - Woke up with a sore throat. Swished with salt water.  It's probably just postnasal drainage because of allergies (high pollen count these past few days).
9:15 - I’m pretty sure I saw the mucus plug in the toilet. Ctx coming more frequently and I need to breathe through them.
10:00 - Chin’s Weber Q100 grill came. Washed beddings. Chin’s thoughts: My first thought when I heard the Weber grill arrived was, "That pretty much confirms that Camille is coming today."

Weber Q100

10:15 - Called BaMa.
10:20 - Called Tara. Started packing stuff for the hospital.
10:30 - Realized that this was probably it since ctx were getting more regular. Wrote to Chin on Gmail chat: Ctx 5 mins apart.  More painful.  I think you need to come home at noon if possible.
11:00 - Chin came home.
11:15 - Chin called Mom & Dad. Mom started driving up with Grandma.
11:30 - Tara came over. Ctx 2-7 mins apart and pain at peak was about 5 or 6. Coping with ctx by stopping to breathe through them. Bao jokingly said, “Tara, did you bring sterile gloves?” Tara said, referring to the maximum of 4 dilation checks requested in the birth plan, “Do you want to use one of your four checks now?”

Chin massaging Bao on the birth ball

11:40 - Called Family Beginnings Unit (FBU). Encouraged to rest, eat and call back if unable to sleep through pain.
2:00 - Ctx slowed down significantly (~10-20 mins apart).
2:30 - Took a 30-40 min nap w/Tara. Chin made final preparations and cleaned (Roomba!). He was going to look on YouTube for a demo on how to fold fitted sheets. Tara shared her grandma’s method.
3:00 - Ctx about 20-60 mins apart. Chin made pasta and we had leftover chocolate birthday cake for dessert.
4:30 - Went to Factoria Mall & Threads for Kids (consignment store) w/Tara to walk. Even did squats and lunges at Target.  It was so hot outside! Had some ctx, one intense one and sat in rocker in consignment store. Picked out some lovely little outfits for Camille. We checked mail on the way home, and there were no prizes; Bao noted this as being unusual.
8:30 - Tara went home so family could spend time together
8:45 - BaMa & GT & Co Sau arrive at hotel. Bao hoped this isn’t a false alarm. Ba said it is okay if it is. Relieved.
9:15 - Mom, Chung, & Alice came over to see us at the apartment.
9:30 - BaMa, GT, & Co Sau came over to see us at the apartment.
11:00 - Finished up some blog posts...and entered a couple of giveaways.

Saturday 8/14
3:40 - Bao felt a strong kick/pop. But not where a kick should be. Felt like it was around the cervix. “My water broke,” Bao thought. Got up and there was no leakage. Went to the bathroom. A strong ctx came and Bao leaned over the exercise ball. A gush of fluid came out. Sho’ nuff, water broke.
3:45 - Bao woke Chin up.
3:52 - Chin called Tara, “Bao is definitely feeling something different now, we are going to the hospital.”
4:07 - Left for hospital. Hit every single red light on the way to Capitol Hill. Chin got frustrated but Bao, thinking that she was only 5-7cms dilated, was okay waiting through the red lights.
4:25-4:30 - Arrived at hospital.  Asked for a wheel chair.  Bao had to wait through a few ctx before making the trip up to the 3rd floor at FBU.
4:35 - Arrived in hospital room, bypassing triage.  Bao asked nurses (obviously, this was between contractions), “Is this the biggest room you have available right now? Because I have a really big family.” This was the only room available. And it didn’t have the cool reclining tub. Bummer! In short space of moving from wheel chair to bed, contractions demanded all of Bao’s focus - labored on the ground on all fours. Vocalizing with contractions, Tara suggested to go deep and low with sound, release tension and allow cervix to open. Lots of deep groaning. Thoughts going through Bao’s mind, remembering Judy Lowe’s advice, "I need to open up here (mouth) to open down there (birth canal).” Lots more groans and moans with complete abandon.  "I'm an animal!"
4:37 - Chin was done unloading car and parking it (he's speedy!). He called family to let them know we are at the hospital. He then got down on his knees next to Bao, firmly grabbed her hand and said, “I am right here, Honey!”
4:40 - “I need something! Right now! Can you...please...call the anesthesiologist?” said Bao. Thoughts going through Bao’s mind, “I am probably 5-7cm dilated. I think there’s still a window of opportunity to get an epidural. But I have a doula! What a waste to get an epidural. But I feel like my butt is being smashed by a sledge hammer. I need something! Okay, gotta focus...on, whatever.” Bao requested Tara and student midwife (Sam) to do the hip squeeze. Tara noted that Bao was not using her secret code song (The Christmas Shoes Song, because Bao hates it so much...so, bringing herself to singing it would mean it's really important) to indicate that she truly wanted this medication, and she was not requesting drugs between contractions...yet. She hoped the next break between contractions is long enough (since they have been coming one on top of each other) to do something different to help modulate the pain ... then someone (?) suggested she might be almost complete and everything changed.
4:45 - “We need to check you first. You need to get on the bed,” said the nurse. “What is the best way to get her on the bed?” Chin asked. “Well, let’s see, she needs to get up on the bed,” nurse responded.  In the 3 seconds between ctx, some supernatural power came over Bao and she leaped off the floor, onto the bed, and on her back.
4:50 - “You are complete. You can start pushing anytime you want to,” said Sam, the midwifery student. Bao’s thoughts, “WHAT?! Complete?! I thought maybe I was 5-7cm dilated!” ...“Do you want to start?” Bao: “Yes! I can’t believe I made it to 10!” Bao was encouraged from all sides, Chin, Judy Lazarus (main midwife), Sam (midwifery student), and Tara (doula) as she followed her body’s lead and pushes.
4:52 - Chin set up video camera. During one ctx, Bao yelled out, “Camille, I can’t wait to meet you!”

Smiles between contractions

4:55 - Ctx started and started pushing. The words of Theresa (the lady at our favorite autobody shop) rang in Bao’s ears, “Push like it is the biggest turd of your life!” Bao looked like she was holding up a mountain with incredible strength and focus as she pushed.  Although, the face of a laboring woman pushing out a baby is not the prettiest - Bao was keenly aware of this and completely didn't care.  At one point, Sam asked if Bao wanted to reach down and feel the head. Bao’s thought, “It feels like a little bubble.” About 3-4 pushes later, Bao reached down to feel the head again and this time, there was much more to feel: a wrinkly head of hair! Judy Lazarus (main midwife) went to fetch a mirror so Bao could see what was going on. “I can’t see anything,” said Bao. Everyone is puzzled. “I don’t have my glasses.” After donning glasses, Bao could see things clearly...but everything looked too chaotic so she waved her hand and said, “Nah, I’ll just imagine it.”
5:10 - “I can feel the ring [of fire]!!” said Bao. Midwife said, “I bet you can!” Bao’s thoughts, “If I push effectively, I won’t feel the ring anymore.” Because nobody has had a chance to read the birth plan, Tara asked Chin if he still wanted to catch Camille. Chin responded that he does and Sam said, “I have done this before.” The nurses got gloves for Chin and suggested a gown because he was wearing a white t-shirt. He said he didn't mind getting dirty. Tara joked that his clothes would be a keepsake.
5:12 - Head out.
5:13 - Camille Ng is born! Chin caught Camille and she was placed on Bao’s abdomen while cord stops pulsing. She started crying right away. The meconium-stained butt was an indication that she had just pooped as she was making her exit. Chin didn’t hear anyone call the time so he took the honor of doing so, “5:13 and a half.” Chin started crying as he said his first hello to Camille. Chin cut Camille’s cord. Camille is quiet and alert, taking in her new environment.

Apgars were 9 and 9.

Chin asked, “Can I hold her?” Nurse said okay but she wanted to do a well baby exam and then swaddle her for Chin.  During the exam, Camille was on her belly and she pushed through her little legs so that her bottom raises high up into the air and surprises everyone as she looks like she was about to leap off the table. She weighed in at 6 lbs. 11.6 oz. and 18 3/4 inches long. Bao’s dad called on the phone and Chin relayed the stats to him. Then Camille is wrapped and put into Chin’s arms.

Bao held Camille and exclaimed, “I can’t believe it happened! I can’t believe she is here!”

Bao had first degree tearing and was meticulously stitched up by Sam.  Bao commented that the swelling in her feet decreased remarkably.

First feed, nurse put Camille skin to skin and her first nursing position is a football hold.  Bao noted that Camille had perfect latch right away!

Our family just grew!

MacNut Week 36

Sorry readers, no pictures of Camille yet!

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• MacNut is size of a crenshaw melon - ~18.66 inches and 5.78 pounds.
• The baby's body is becoming chubby as fat layers build.
• Between now and birth they may gain about an ounce (30g) a day
• You may feel contractions of the womb, called Braxton Hicks contractions.
• While it says that your baby weighs six and a half pounds this week and measures 19 inches long, this is only an estimate. In general, babies are gaining half a pound (225 grams) per week now. Baby continues gaining weight as fat deposits and is forming creases in the neck and wrists.
• You may feel contractions of the womb, called Braxton Hicks contractions, which can be used to perform and practice breathing exercises. You may be visiting your caregiver weekly up until the birth. Regular internal exams may begin, to see if your cervix has softened, thinned, dilated or if your baby's head is dropping into the pelvis. Any of these could be signs of impending labor but there are no guarantees and you could be waiting for weeks yet. Your baby is almost ready, a pair of kidneys and the liver has begun processing some waste products, the only organ still to mature is the lungs. 
• This week your baby may drop into the birth canal, this is called 'lightening' or 'dropping'. If this is not your first baby, this 'lightening' may not occur until right before labor. Your care provider may refer to it by saying that your baby is now 'engaged'. The majority of babies are now in the birth position, either head down (vertex) or butt down (breech), most will maintain this position until birth. Any movements that they make are more likely to be rolls from side to side.You may notice when this happens because it will suddenly become much easier for you to breathe. While breathing becomes easier, walking may be the exact opposite. If your baby has dropped you may find yourself visiting the bathroom much more often as baby is resting right on top of your bladder again.
• Keep talking - by now she can recognize you voice, and may respond to any loud noises with a swift kick out.

Physical:

• Weight: 154 lb (+28)
• Belly circumference: 40.50 in (+10.00)
• Fundal height: 34 in
• Dilation: 3cm
• Effacement: 70%
• Station: +1 (that's right!  PLUS 1!)
• Estimated weight of baby: ~7 pounds
• Estimated date of delivery, considering the circumstances: "I'd say you'll have her by this weekend," said my trusty midwife, Judy Lowe, who has been practicing since before Chin was born.
• This week, I just feel heavy.  It's harder to turn in bed because I'm luggin' around all this weight.
• My feet are constantly poofy.
• Friday: The process has begun!  I lost my mucus plug this morning at 9am.  After that, I started contracting pretty rapidly (2-7 minutes apart!) for several hours.  Chin came home from work at 11am and Tara (our friend & doula) came over about half an hour after that.  My parents made hotel reservations and made plans to come up in the afternoon.  Once she heard that I was contracting (at 11:15), Chin's mom immediately drove up with Grandma!  She's "a little excited," I think. :)
• At around 2:30pm, I got a little pooped out and really wanted to take a nap.  I successfully fell asleep for about 30-40 minutes.  It felt good.  What didn't feel so good after waking up from the nap was that the contractions stopped!  The frequency of the contractions became about 20-30 minutes apart. :(  Anyhow, Tara & I tried walking around Factoria Mall, going to a baby consignment store to pick up a few last things for Camille, sitting on a rocking chair, and walking some more.  All of that effort amounted to 5-6 solidly strong contractions...about 30 minutes apart!  C'mon!!
• As I am writing this at 11:30, still no regular contractions. :(  I'm just going to try to sleep and hopefully the nighttime birthing hormones will do their magic!

Spiritual & emotional:

• I am a little relieved that Camille wasn't born today (8/13), actually.  My aunt died during childbirth on a Friday the 13th.  Not that I'm superstitious.  I'm just...a little stitious.
• I'd really like her to be born tomorrow, though.  For a number of reasons:
• I will still be 29 (I turn 30 on Sunday)
• I don't dig being in labor for many days in a row.  Just not my thing.
• I'm super excited to meet Camille!  The only person who is more excited to meet her is Chin :)
• At this point, I am feeling like, "I have been perpetually pregnant for the past two years."  Which isn't too far from the truth!  Isn't it time to have a baby already? :)
  

MacNut Week 35

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• MacNut is the heft of a honeydew melon - ~18.19 inches and 5.25 pounds.
• The body of your baby is growing round due to developing fat layers.
• Your baby's reflexes are coordinated.
• Lungs are almost fully developed.
• About 90% of babies born this week survive (really?  I'm pretty sure the percentage is higher than that).
• Most babies gain about half pound per week in the last month of pregnancy. Fat stores accumulate in the legs and arms. These layers of fat will help them regulate their body temperature. Baby still doesn't have enough fat deposits beneath its skin to keep warm outside your womb.
• Lungs are almost fully developed. Your baby's reflexes are coordinated, they turn their head, grasp firmly, and respond to sounds, light and touch. You should still feel movement every day. She is about 5 and a half pounds and growing fast, it is getting short of space in the womb.
• Your uterus has become more cramped, your baby's kicks and other movements less forceful. You may want to check on your baby's movements from time to time and do a kick count.
• Baby may push up against your ribs and make you a little breathless. Soon your baby's position changes to prepare itself for labor and delivery. The baby drops down in your pelvis ("lightening") and you will be able to breathe easily again.

Physical:

• Weight: 151 lb (+25)
• Belly circumference: 40.00 in (+9.50)
• Fundal height: 32 in
• Dilation: 2.5cm
• Effacement: 30-40%
• Station: -2 (she popped up a little!)
• Estimated weight of baby: 6.5 pounds
• The other night, I had 4-5 ctxs within a 30-min span.  They were painful, too, and I had some sacral pressure...which was a little scary.  But after getting up, walking around, hands & knees, things slowed down dramatically and it wasn't too scary after all.  Since then, I've been having ctx that have become increasingly painful (but not really too painful, probably a 3-4/10?) and accompanied by pressure in the sacral area.  These episodes further confirm that, yes, I really needed to take this time off and take care of myself & Camille.
• This week, a new symptom I am getting is itchiness where my stretchmarks are...which is everywhere!!  I had some 1% hydrocortisone around and applying it really helped.
•  I continue to go to the physiotherapist who gives me a 40-minute massage every time.  Ahhhh...blisssssss. :)

Spiritual & emotional:

• I continue to feel that the decision to withdraw from classes this quarter and to take a leave of absence from school until next June is a good decision for our family.  I feel so much peace about it and I have received so much support in this decision from family and friends.  I am so thankful!
• Another huge relief: I received 100% tuition refund for this quarter!!  I could not believe it!  First, I did not think that the school would refund the full amount.  Second, I didn't think the turnaround time would be so expedient!  I am so relieved!
• I am also relieved to get through another week.  I've been staying home everyday.  And although it is (1) a huge hit to my pride that I am not doing anything "productive" and (2) I get a little bit of cabin fever, I feel better and at least I don't feel like I am putting Camille at risk of being born too prematurely.
• Oh!  I had a BIG baby shower thrown for me by our lovely friends Christine & Kristie!  I felt SO loved and blessed!  Will post pictures later.
• You already saw Chin's post...but I will say it again: I'm stoked that Camille will be an August baby!!
  

MacNut Week 34

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• MacNut is the weight of a cantaloupe - ~17.72 inches and 4.73 pounds.
• Your child has now an excellent chance of survival outside the womb.
• Fat accumulations plumps up the arms and legs this week.
• Eyes opened when awake and closed when sleeping.
• The fingernails are now completely formed.
• Your baby may have already turned to a head down position in preparation for birth (yep!).
• The skull bones are still pretty flexible and not completely joined to help to ease exit out of the narrow birth canal. 
• The baby's skin is also becoming less wrinkled.
• Thanks to antibodies crossing the placenta the baby is developing immunities to mild infections. 

Physical:

• Weight: 153 lb (+27)
• Belly circumference: 39.75 in (+9.25)
• Fundal height: 32 in 
• Dilation: 2.5cm
• Effacement: 30-40% (*phew*...I think last week, I was checked during a contraction, that's why my cervix was so short)
• Station: -1
• Okay, don't tell anyone, but since my blood glucose level has been within range for so long, I have decided to significantly cut down on testing.  Like, once a day if I felt like I had a big meal.
• The joints in my hands have started aching a bit.  Fluid build-up is pretty typical toward the end of pregnancy.  Although my hands don't look any plumper.  My feet, on the other hand (haha, why would feet be on the other hand?), have been pretty plump unless I am paying close attention to putting them up.

Spiritual & emotional:

• Caleb's memorial service was as wonderful as a life celebration could be.  You know how when someone passes away, people would say, "S/he is in a better place"?  And sure, sometimes I feel like they could be in heaven.  But, who knows?!  Well, I am convinced that Caleb is in heaven.  No doubt!
• After the funeral, as Chin & I were driving back to Washington, I had to exclaim, "Satan lost!!"  Caleb's life and death were both glowing testimonies of God's faithfulness to those who put their trust in Him.  I can't claim to read God's mind.  But if I were to guess, I'd say He's pretty pleased with Caleb...and with our family.
• The day of Caleb's funeral was also our wedding anniversary - 7 years!  We didn't really get a chance to celebrate, but it felt fine not doing something "special" for this day.
• The days following our return to Washington were difficult.  I had to make a plan to catch up on school work.  "Did you make a spreadsheet," my friend Krista inquired.  Why, how did you know?!  I did.  With 4 tabs, in fact - one for each course I was taking.  The spreadsheet looked intimidating, but not impossible.  I worked and worked and worked 'til the wee hours of the morning and, because I usually can't sleep through the night with this hip pain, I would wake up early to get more work done.  So exhausted.  I would often skip meals without realizing what I'd done.
• Then came Thursday morning, completely exhausted after only four hours of sleep and looking ahead at a long day, I started praying.  I broke down.  What was I doing?!  Is it worth it to risk my health and Camille's well-being for some classes?  Then, I made a very difficult decision: to withdraw from all my classes this quarter.  That's 11 credits.  A full load.  Full tuition through Educational Outreach = $7.5K a quarter.  Yes, "I" made that decision.  And this decision influences subsequent quarters, too, as many of my classes needed to be taken sequentially.  This meant that I would need to wait a full year until next June to come back and complete these courses.  So, the decision to drop the current courses meant taking a leave of absence until June 2011.
• When Chin woke up and was in the bathroom getting ready, I came back into the room from the office and just sat on the stool at the foot of our bed, sobbing uncontrollably.  When Chin finally saw me, he was so concerned.  I explained to him that I had made this decision.  I was not consulting with him, but merely telling him about this life-changing decision that I had made on own.  Over the next few days, Chin had a difficult time embracing this decision.  Not because he disagreed with me, but that he wasn't allowed to be involved in the decision-making process.  I understand how he felt...and I felt badly that I did not include him.  But I also felt that it was a decision that had to be made quickly.  And Chin's personality does not lend itself to making quick decisions.  After a few days and lots of praying, Chin came to terms with the decision and agreed that it was absolutely the right one for our family.
• My advisers, professors, and classmates have been very supportive of this decision.  I am so thankful.  I'm still a bit nervous about paying the tuition for this quarter, though.
• Overall, I feel a great sense of relief after making this decision.  I get to rest for the remainder of my pregnancy.  And then I get to be a full-time mom to Camille until next June!

MacNut Week 33

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• MacNut is the heft of a pineapple - ~17.20 inches and 4.23 pounds.
• The early baby fuzz, lanugo, is disappearing now and being replaced by actual hair. The nails of your baby are now long enough to reach to the tip of the fingers or beyond and may need trimming as soon as they are born. They may scratch their face even before birth.
• The baby is using her lungs to practice breathing by inhaling amniotic fluid. Your baby is drinking about a pint of amniotic fluid a day now and urinating the same amount (eeew...she's drinking her own urine!)
• You may gain a pound a week for the rest of your pregnancy.  Half of your weight gain will go directly to your baby.
• Do not stop eating or start skipping meals as your weight increases (umm...okay). Both you and your baby need the calories and nutrition you receive from a healthy diet.

Physical:

• Weight: 151 lb (+25)
• Belly circumference: 39.50 in (+9.00)
• Fundal height: 32 in (she's still pretty low down there, but at least there's some growth!)
• Dilation: 2-3cm
• Effacement: 70% (yikes!)
• Station: -2
• Estimated weight of baby: nearly 5 pounds!
• More contractions this week.  One night, they came regularly at 5 minutes apart for about 40 minutes.  I had a safe feeling that everything was going to be okay.  So I just tried to go back to sleep...and was able to.  I was told the next day that if I were to go in to the hospital that night, they would not have done anything to stop labor.  (But I think that varies from one practitioner to another.  I would ask for a tocolytic.)
• At the check-up on Wednesday, my midwife estimated that Camille is almost 5 pounds.  I don't know if that's even possible.  That's pretty chunky for this stage, right?
• My gestational diabetes has been very well-controlled.  Even after splurging at Fat Burger and Old Country Buffet (I did not go lightly, boys & girls), my levels were still well within the normal range!

Spiritual & emotional:

• With very mixed feelings, I bring you the news that my nephew Caleb died on Monday morning (7/19).  He was 12 years old.
• I have mixed feelings about his death because I am extremely sad (maybe even depressed), regretful, jealous, and happy.  
• I am sad because he's my nephew!  He and his brother Joshua were the first grandkids for my parents.  We lived with them for their first few years.  I was the expert at extracting snot from their nose and I was very proud of it.  Twelve is not an age where you expect to see your loved one go.
• I regret not seeing him before that damn shunt was placed in his head.  The surgery that caused him to have the blank stare, mask-like face, and severe muscle weakness.  I regret that even though I created an account for him and I put together a compilation of songs for him on Grooveshark, I never got a chance to give it to him.  I regret that I never Skyped with him.
• I am jealous because he gets to be in heaven.
• I am happy because he gets to be in heaven.  But I do miss him a lot.
• I'm not sure how things work up there, but I hope he was able to find his cousins -- David, Benjamin, and Penelope.
• Chin & I are heading down to Oregon tonight to be with family and to prepare for the memorial service on Monday morning.

MacNut Week 32

The disheveled look of week 32.

The big milestone this week is that if Camille were to arrive, I don't need to go to a high-risk facility (like Swedish or UWMC).  I can deliver at GHC-Capitol Hill's Family Beginnings Unit.  On that note, I have been a little reluctant to tell people that we're having our baby at Group Health Seattle.  Mostly because some people's reactions have been, "Oh, really?  Do you have to?  Do you have Group Health insurance?"  The answer is Yes, No, and No.  We don't have GH insurance but we are choosing to have our baby here because it is a wonderful place to have a midwife-assisted birth.  We are working with a fantastic group of midwives through NeighborCare Health who have continually shown themselves to be competent, compassionate, and overall warm & caring group of women!  So, I don't have to deliver at GHC-Capitol Hill.  But I choose to because it seems to be the best choice for our family.

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• MacNut is the weight of a large jicama - ~ 16.69 inches and 3.75 pounds.
• The diameter of the head is almost 4 inches (10cm).
• Under the skin the fat layer is getting thicker.
• The toenails and fingernails are completely formed.
• During this time the baby sleeps most of the day. 
• The uterus is getting to be a small space for the baby to move about, so you may have noticed a decrease in your baby's movements (slightly...but not by a lot, she's still pretty kicky!). 
• The baby is still trying to move frequently but she just does not have enough room. The baby will turn its head from side to side and move her hands. 

Physical:

• Weight: 149 lb (+23)
• Belly circumference: 39.50 in (+9.00)
• Fundal height: 30 in (she's pretty looooow down there)
• I started having some "painful" contractions starting Wednesday morning.  The contractions woke me up and, even though they were irregular, each lasted for 1-3 minutes.  They weren't very painful, just felt like cramping.  But they were definitely different.
• Not much else to report except that I had my first appointment with a physiotherapist this week.  Her name is Christine Merritt.  At first, I thought, "Hmm...okay, this is all too 'woo woo' for me!"  But after just a couple of days, I felt much better!  I think the thing I appreciate the most about Christine is her ability to listen and her focus on patient education.  For instance, she taught me how to turn in bed and even made me practice while I was at her clinic so she could observe.  She also taught me how to walk...."Just like a duck!  Don't be afraid to waddle.  You're pregnant.  Just tuck in your tail bone and waddle.  You'll feel much better.  Carry your belly if you need to."  It worked!

Week 32 pregnancy face.  I look different, huh?  

Chin took this picture to show me how lop-sided my ears are.

Chin took this shot of my belly while I was brushing my teeth.  End of week 32.

Spiritual & emotional:

• A few days nearing the end of week 32, Caleb stopped talking completely.  I did not know this until a few days after the fact.  And I regret not Skyping with him.  Full of regrets :(
• I can't say much about this week.  It has been a non-productive, emotionally painful week.

MacNut Week 31

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• MacNut is the weight of four navel oranges - ~ 16.18 inches and 3.31 pounds.
• She should more than double her weight again between now and birth.
• The eyes have now completely opened and are responding to light and darkness.
• A loud noise near you may cause your little one to jump.
• Baby's lungs and digestive tract are very near to being mature.

Physical:

• Weight: 149 lb (+23)
• Belly circumference: 39.25 in (+8.75)
• Fundal height: 29 in (Yep, still at 29!  I think my uterus is just really squashy.)
• Cravings: I haven't really craved anything during this pregnancy.  But recently, I've just been craving a lot of sweets!  Oh help me, Lord!
• I have noticed that my voice has changed a bit as I get bigger.  I guess that makes sense since all of my visceral content is pushed up and my poor diaphragm is hanging on to dear life!
• I've been trying to keep my legs elevated the best I can.  They are a little "fluffy," but not too bad if you take into consideration how hot it has been the past few days.
• I went swimming three times this week!  Thank God for the pool in our complex.  It's pretty cloudy and there are quite a few dead bugs & leaves, but boy, it is niiiice to be in the water and feel weightless.  Side note: I can no longer float on my back.  Which is weird, since I always imagined that my rotund belly could be used as a flotation device. :-/
• My midwife decided to do another fFN test this week and it turned out positive.  Urgh.  I know in my heart it doesn't mean anything, but it's just another thing.  I was even asked to come in to get monitored on Thursday.  It was a complete waste of time!  Anyway, next time I go in to the hospital, I'd better already be crowning!
  

Spiritual & emotional:

• It's hard to believe that in just 6 weeks (at week 37), Camille will be considered full term.  I will still have one more week of school left in the quarter...but she can come anytime after week 38! :)
• I almost forgot to add this part because it occurred early on this week, but I had my first baby shower!!  The baby shower was thrown by my sisters and a friend, Annette VoLam.  It was a really fun time with friends and family.  Annette is an amazing cake/cookie maker and the food at the party was amazing!  Camille and I had a great time :)
• Some people have asked us this week if we felt "ready" or what else we think we might want to do before Camille's debut.  To be quite honest, I don't know!  I don't think we can ever realistically be "ready" for this next stage in life.  And I'm okay with that.  I'd be more okay with that, though, once we get a couple of new dressers to put all her junk in!
• Self consciousness...Okay, so before I got really big, I thought, "I don't want to be one of those pregnant women who feel ashamed of the way they look in their gravid state."  And, I don't feel ashamed at all.  I love my big belly!  But there are subtle ways that I feel self conscious about my pregnancy.  For instance, I feel self conscious that freakin' relaxin started releasing big time starting at week 21 when I started having pelvic pain...which resulted in "the waddle" that early on in pregnancy.  So, yeah, sometimes I feel self conscious about my waddle!  Or about the fact that I have to walk a lot slower because my hips hurt like a mo' fo'.  I also feel a little self conscious of my stretch marks when I wear a swim suit.  Those are pretty normal feelings, I realize, but I just didn't think I had such poor self image...since I love myself so much.
• Emotionally, this week has not been as bad as some of the previous weeks.  Although one night, we received news that Caleb was no longer able to chew or swallow solid foods.  This news was a deep stab to my heart.  I lived with Joshua & Caleb (twins) for the first three years of their lives.  I was there when they were introduced to solids.  I just don't even want to think about it...

MacNut Week 30

I am 3/4 of the way through my pregnancy! In merely 7 weeks, Camille will be full term!

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• MacNut is the weight of a large cabbage (sheesh, how's that for arbitrary!!) - ~ 15.71 inches and 2.91 pounds.
• She will gain about half a pound a week until week 38 (whoa, Nelly!).
• The head is almost 3.5 inches (8cm) in diameter.
• The feet are nearly 2.5 inches (6cm) long.
• Eyebrows and eyelashes are fully developed, and hair on the head is getting thicker. 
• Head and body are now proportioned like a newborn. 
• Hands are now fully formed and fingernails are growing, eyelids are opening and closing. 
• The wrinkled skin is becoming smoother now.
• The baby controls her own body temperature.

Physical:

• Weight: 148 lb (+22)
• Belly circumference: 38.75 in (+8.25)
• Fundal height: 29 in 
• Hospitalization - *sigh*:
• On Monday night, I went out on a walk with Chin and started having a contraction  (moderate, I would say; not strong but definitely not mild).   After 20 mins, it was still going continuously!  I called the midwife on-call and was told to come in (GH-Capitol Hill).
• On the way to the hospital, the ctxs stopped (so it lasted about 30 mins).
• Got there and got put on the monitor.  The midwife who cared for me was Nicola - a MEPN3 student!  She was fantastic!  Which gives me a lot of hope :)
• After not finding anything too disturbing, they decided to let us go and said, "Wait here, we'll give you your d/c instructions."
• While we were waiting, I started having another ctx.  I had Nicola feel my belly and she said, "Let's get a urine culture and do a pelvic exam."
• Pelvic exam indicated I was 1cm dilated, cervix short & soft.  The dilation isn't a big deal...but the short & soft cervix worried the midwife a bit as this could be a sign of impending labor :(  Doh!  We almost got away!
• Admitted to the hospital.
• 1 shot of Betamethasone at 1am 6/29.
• Ultrasound in the morning indicated that my cervix was short...but not waaay short.  U/s @ 19 wks showed my cervix being at 3.5cm.  U/s this week showed a range between 2.6cm and 3.5cm; where 2.6cm was during a ctx.  I was told that they don't start really worrying until I'm shorter than 2.5cm.
• The u/s also showed that Camille is doing very well.  She measured at our exact estimated due date and weighed a little over 3 pounds.  The u/s tech was a former professor of the trade so I had lots of questions for him.  We checked out the AFI (18), reconfirmed that Camille has girl parts (checked!), examined whether the umbilical cord was tangled (it wasn't), and even checked to see if she had a cleft palate or lip (she doesn't!).  Hehe...it sounds like paranoia, but we were just curious.  Chin was so excited that we got to see her again via u/s.  Womb with a view!! :D
• 10pm 6/29: Fetal fibronectin (fFN) test and another pelvic exam.  Cervix remains the same as last check. 
  
• 2nd shot of Betamethasone at 1am 6/30.
• fFN returned negative at 1:30am!  At which point I asked to be discharged immediately! :)  I wanted to get good sleep at home.  Also, did I mention that I was on this excruciatingly ridiculous ADA diet?!  $*(&#@(^) $*&#*(@!!!
• Before the hospitalization saga, I was doing very well physically.  I was getting enough sleep and my hips were even feeling quite good.  Being in the hospital for two nights and sleeping on that darn bed threw everything off kilter.  *hmmph*
• I think that's also why I actually lost one pound this week.  That and the fact that I'm more carb-conscious.  Which is probably a good thing.
• Camille's kicks are becoming more and more, well, shocking.  Some of her movements are like, "Whoa! Quit digging your bony-whatever into my [insert name of an internal organ]!!"
• My feet are less fluffy this week due to the cooler weather...and being at the flippin' hospital for two days, as you can see here:

Spiritual & emotional:

• Even when I called the midwife on Monday night, I didn't feel like I should have to be admitted.  But, I guess the healthcare team was just trying to be more cautious.  I really didn't like to be at the hospital and it really bummed me out.  I fell behind in school and I hate that feeling!
• Being in the hospital for a couple of days was annoying.  But it also gave Chin & me a chance to be together around the clock (thanks to the generosity of his teammates who allowed him to be with me)...which was very nice.
• We continue to fervently pray for my nephew Caleb.  He makes a little bit of progress each day and it seems that his quality of life is quite good.  I think he's getting a little more frustrated this week, though, as he is coming to grips with things that his body is not capable of doing. :(
• Chin & I are driving down to Longview and Portland this weekend.  My sisters & AnnetteVoLam are throwing me a baby shower on Saturday.  We will also get to see Caleb.  Mixing such strongly opposing emotions is a little stressful for me...

 Camille Ng at 30 weeks and 3 days.  Her right fist is on her nose.

MacNut Week 29

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• MacNut is the weight of a butternut squash - 15.2 inches and 2.54 pounds.
• Brain is busy developing billions of neurons.
• Baby's muscles and lungs are continuing to mature.
• The fetus can taste and respond to pain.

Physical:

• Weight: 149 lb (+23)
• Belly circumference: 38.25 in (+7.75)
• Fundal height: 28 in (Hmm...we're always a week behind.  Well, she's Asian.  Although I don't know how I can explain away my rapid weight-gain!)
• Really lethargic this week.
• I had four strong and mildly painful Braxton Hicks contractions that were decreasing in strength on Sunday night.  They were about 10 minutes apart.  I tried to change position and they eventually went away.  *phew*
• Camille continues to be very active.  She tends to favor the right side of the belly.  I think that's where her torso and butt are.  My belly is oftentimes lopsided. :)  This week also marked the first time that her movements started to cause me a certain degree of pain.  It's not much, but, ouch!
• My feet are really "fluffy" (as GT would say) because there have been several warm days this week.  See here?

• I forgot to take a picture of my feet in my Chacos...and the Chaco straps were hangin' on to dear life!!  And it's only gonna get worse as the weather gets warmer!
• Another physical change that I forgot to document last week was that the gang of stretch marks in my behind has headed up a Manifest Destiny campaign for my anterior!  When I look in the mirror, I can now see that the angry, red stretch marks have crept up toward the front.  They've gotten so bad that they have crept down my thighs and onto my right calf, too.  This is not too surprising, however, as I had tons of stretch marks in middle school when I had a growth spurt of 1.5 inches over the course of a year. :)  This week, I have also noted some stretch marks at the bottom of my belly.  I have heard some women refer to their pregnancy stretch marks as their badge of honor.  I just don't happen to be embracing my pregnancy in the same manner.
• I had my 2nd 3-hour oral glucose tolerance test earlier this week.  The results came back on Thursday with 2 out of the 4 values being slightly elevated.  I have gestational diabetes, guys. 

Spiritual & emotional:

• This week has not been as bad as last week in terms of sadness.  Actually, I am not sad about Caleb at all.  After the Friday night prayer time for Caleb, I had complete peace that God was in charge.  We are still fervently praying for the miraculous healing of Caleb's body.  But if God decides to take him, what a lucky duck!
• I did feel a dip in my general mood when I got news that my glucose tolerance test values were slightly elevated.  I kind of saw it coming because my dad and two brothers have diabetes and my sister had gestational diabetes.  I was bummed that I now have to watch my diet more closely.  But I think the thing that bummed me out more was anticipating the ignorant comments from people who would automatically blame me for eating too much sugar.  The more I think of it, the more I think it is unfair and stupid for me to preemptively be frustrated.
• I ate a couple of cookies after dinner yesterday.  I felt a little guilty.  But my glucose readings have been well within the normal range.  So...anyone wanna bake me some cookies? :)
  

MacNut Week 28

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• MacNut is the weight of a Chinese cabbage - ~ 14.80 inches and 2.22 pounds (1 kg!).
• She has her own regular intervals for sleeping and being awake.
• The feet are just over 2 inches (5.5cm) long.
• The hair on the head is now clearly visible.
• The milk teeth have developed under the gums.
• The eyes are starting to move in their sockets.

Physical:

• Weight: 148 lb (+22)
• Belly circumference: 38 in (+7.50)
• Fundal height: 27 in 
• I continue to go to the chiropractor to get treatments.  I am not very regular with my assigned exercises, but it's going alright.
• My appetite has been poor due to everything that has been happening in the family.
  

Spiritual & emotional:

• Emotionally speaking, this is the worst week of my pregnancy thus far.  As mentioned last week, my nephew Caleb has brain cancer.  We learned on Wednesday that it is terminal and he was then sent home to be with family and to receive hospice care.  Wednesday night, I caught a ride with a friend's mom (thank you so much, April & Charlotte!) and came down to Oregon to be with family.  It has been rough.  I don't know what else to say...
• Do you ever notice that when you experience heartache, you actually don't take deep breaths often?  It's true for me.  I do shallow breathing.  As though breathing in air reminds me that I'm actually alive...and the present reality is, well, real.  I create for myself safe and comfortable coping mechanisms.  Right now, I often retreat to the coping mechanism of entering into a million and one giveaways and contests.  It has been consuming my life...and I'm letting it because I am just so tired of crying.
• Prayer has been more or less continuous throughout the day.  It's not superb, but I sense that God has brought me to the point of greatest brokenness.  It seems that He has to bring me to a point where I am most likely to curse His name so that I can learn to praise it instead.  God, I am so there right now.
• We are praying for a big miracle.  Let it be known!  It is in writing!  We are cognizant of the scientific reality.  But we know that God is able to heal Caleb and give him physical wholeness just as He is capable of restoring spiritual wholeness to those who believe.  We are praying that it is God's will that Caleb be healed.  Please pray with us.
  

MacNut Week 27

Third trimester started this week!

A few people have asked about my "numbering" of the weeks.  I blog at the end of each gestational week.  But, technically, when a woman says she is 27 weeks along, it means she has already completed 27 weeks and is into her 28th week of pregnancy.  Today (6/11), I am actually 27 weeks and 6 days pregnant.  And it might be perplexing when people announce that they are pregnant and say, "I am four and half weeks pregnant and we just found out today!"  It is not because they are so unaware of their bodies that they have neglected to notice the pregnancy for over four weeks, it's just a bizarre standard of calculating the pregnancy timeline whereby day 1 of pregnancy is the first day of a woman's last normal menstrual period (LMP or LNMP).  Things are calculated this way because a woman can usually tell when her period starts, but she may not know when ovulation and conception occurs (although I am fortunate enough to be very regular and, from what I have learned through Toni Weschler's Taking Charge of Your Fertility, I was able to know with fair confidence when I ovulate...neato!).  So, really, there is actually no baby for the first couple of weeks of gestation.  And then ovulation & conception occur.  And then it takes a couple of weeks for enough of those good ol' pregnancy hormones (particularly, hCG) to be produced for a home pregnancy test to detect that there's something going on.

Confused yet? :)

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• MacNut is as hefty as a head of cauliflower, - ~ 14.41 inches and 1.93 pounds.
• Her head is over 2.5 inches in diameter.
• Her hearing continues to develop.
• Her eyes can blink, open and close.

Physical:

• Weight: 146 lb (+20)
• Belly circumference: 38 in (+7.50)
• Fundal height: 26 in 
• I continue to have some pelvic aches...but I don't think it's anything out of the ordinary.  But, for all this pain and all the stretch marks I'm getting in my behind, my pelvic opening had better be humongous and MacNut should be able to just slip out with no problem.  Sheesh!
  

Spiritual & emotional:

• This week has been really tough.  First, we heard the week before that my nephew Caleb was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  Then we heard that it was most likely benign (from the absence of tumor markers in the CSF sample).  Then we received the results of the tissue biopsy and it turns out it is most likely malignant.  Caleb went through a long day of delays and then a lengthy surgery yesterday.  The result was that the surgeons could not remove much of the tumor at all as it is so poorly differentiated (it looks just like brain tissue so they can't tell what's brain and what's tumor).  Tonight, we learned that the tumor is a diffused form of glioma and the prognosis is very poor with a 10% survival rate.  My heart is so heavy.  I love this boy so much!!
• The positive part about this week is that we have been drawn into a position of prayer and submission - it is where we ought to be in the first place.  I wish I could say that my time with God has been sweet.  It hasn't.  I barely know how to pray...

 Caleb (L) with his twin brother, Joshua

 A more recent photo of Caleb on the slopes

MacNut Week 26

This week marks the end of the 2nd trimester.  I am hearing that the 2nd trimester is supposed to be the most glorious time as the 1st trimester is miserable with early pregnancy symptoms (check!) and the 3rd trimester will be full of challenges involving whale-like enormity and sleepless nights.  I would agree that the 2nd trimester has been very good to me.  I've been loving the lack of nausea and the fact that my belly is getting bigger and bigger!  My 3rd trimester will mostly be in the summer.  Hmm...I'm so glad that my sister & brother-in-law got us that air conditioner! :)

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• MacNut is as tall as an English cucumber - ~ 14.02 inches and 1.68 pounds.
• The feet are 2 inches long. Hands are very active.
• The baby's eyes begin to open around this time.
• The fetal brain scan will show response to touch. Touching and playing with the baby is possible now, as they may respond to your touch through your belly wall.
• Baby is probably very active in the womb (yes!!), as the most active weeks are typically between weeks 24 and 28.

Physical:

• Weight: 145 lb (+19)
• Belly circumference: 37.75 in (+7.25)
• Fundal height: 25 in 
• The pelvic pain was uncomfortable enough on Monday night that I had to contact a chiropractor first thing Tuesday morning to get seen.  It wasn't only that it was painful to shift positions, there was also this weird patch of neuropathic pain region on my left thigh.  This started about 2-3 weeks back.  It used to only hurt when I moved a certain way.  Starting Monday night, it was hurting when I was just sitting or laying down!  Anyway, the chiropractor explained that there is a pinched nerve in my lumbar region that is causing referred pain to this dermatome region.  Whatever it is, he's working on fixing it and I definitely felt better after 3 treatments!  There's a link to the practice here (you can mention my name if you go...and I'll get a free massage :P).  Highly recommend him.
• I'm feeling heavier this week.  My breathing is being affected.  I guess that's what happens when all of one's visceral content is squished up on one's lungs!!
• Oh!  Also this week: my belly button looks like it might want to eventually be an outtie.  I'm not sure if I'm just seeing things, but it is looking like it is protruding out a bit.  Other news from the same region is that I'm getting TONS of stretch marks in my behind.  It doesn't look too lovely.  Alice's mom got me this stretch mark prevention oil that I've been applying to my belly.  So far, not a hint of a mark on the belly.  I sometimes put some on my back but since this oil costs about $70 a bottle (*gulp*), I feel a little bad!

Spiritual & emotional:

• We've had a lot of visitors this week!  Chị Miên, Anh Nguyên, and Donovan came up to visit this past weekend.  At 2 months old, this was Donovan's first road trip from Portland.  They came up in a pickup truck and brought us their baby gift for us: a portable air conditioner!!  It's perfect!  This weekend, Chin's Mom & Grandma are here to celebrate Anna Jane's 2nd birthday and are visiting us at our apartment for the first time!
• Between hosting visitors, I've felt really lazy this week.  Just couldn't snap out of it. :(
• I found out Wednesday morning that my nephew Caleb (age 12) has a brain tumor and was taken in for surgery.  This was such sudden news and I really, really wanted to just get in the car and drive down to Portland.  Caleb and his older brother Joshua are twins.  They are my oldest nephews and they have a very special place in my heart.  The news of his brain tumor shook me to the core and brought me to prayer.  Thankfully, Caleb seems to be improving a bit after a couple of shunts have been put in place to redirect the flow of cerebral spinal fluid (CSF) around the tumor while they wait for the results of the biopsy.  Analysis of the CSF came back today and the results indicate no tumor markers -- no cancer!  We will still need to wait for the biopsy results to come back to see how it should be managed.  But...praise God!!

MacNut Week 25

She has a name!  Camille :)  We have been thinking about this name since the beginning of our pregnancy but there were other candidates we were also considering.  After narrowing the choices down to two names several months ago, we decided that Camille was the name that we liked the best.  We've been testing out this name for the past two weeks and it is sticking!  We also sometimes call her "Millie" for short (because "Cammy" is destined to be a pole-dancer name*...and she ain't gonna wear no clear heels, even if she's 1/2 Vietnamese**).

My dad's name is Cam Le.  So his entire name is in hers.  We told my parents this morning and my dad said he was so honored.

We also chose the name Camille because even though it sounds very feminine, it is not too cutesy.  We were hoping to give her a name that can be taken seriously.  You can see Camille in a board room, can't you?

Finally, one thing that I have learned this week is that a gravid belly is kind of intimidating to some people.  Taking this knowledge into practice, I proudly showed off my belly while standing in a rarely-available parking spot on Broadway as I called Chin on the phone to tell him, "Quick!  A spot just opened up."  About half a dozen cars drove by and wanted the spot.  But once they saw my belly, they must have thought, "Do not mess with that pregnant lady!" and drove on by.  Success! :)

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• MacNut is the size of a rutabaga (W...T...H..?) - ~ 13.62 inches and 1.46 pounds.
• Bones are becoming solid, hands are now fully developed.
• The brain is growing rapidly, the brain cells are starting to mature.
• Baby's nostrils begin to open.
• The sexual organs are fully developed (but will not be in use for another 30+ years if her dad can help it***).
• The uterus is now about the size of a soccer ball and mom looks pregnant (ha!).

Physical:

• Weight: 143 lb (+17)
• Belly circumference: 37.25 in (+6.75)
• Fundal height: 24 in
• Baby continues to be very active.  This week was the first time, however, that I actually felt assaulted by how strong her movements were!  Have you ever played the trick with your pet where you make them chase your laser pointer?  It's totally like that!!
• This week continued to be a rough week for sleeping.  I have not been getting out of bed early simply because it just hurts to get out of bed.  I just haven't been getting restful sleep.  Some have advised warm baths before bed, or a maternity support belt (this is the one I have...it's a little loose on me), and sleeping on an air mattress.  If you have any other advice, please pass them my way!

Spiritual & emotional:

• Because of my lack of good sleep, I am like a zombie most days, I'm less productive, and this has a tremendous impact on my emotional well-being.
• I don't feel as moody as last week, thank goodness!
• Oh!  I received some highly-anticipated items in the mail this week: 4 pocket diapers (3 Smartipants and 1 free Fuzzibunz one-size) and a Freemie hands-free breast pump attachment.  I know!  Now I just need to get a poopy baby and start lactating (boy, I can already sense that I'm going to be sorry for saying that). :)
• Chin and I have been reflecting lately about our years of being "unencumbered by children."  We've been married for nearly 7 years (coming up 7/26).  They have been glorious years with rough patches that never last more than a day or two.  We've enjoyed our travels.  We've given our best, first fruits to the Lord.  We've definitely experienced deliverance from all sorts of shenanigans.  We have intentionally built in plenty of margin in our lives so that we can spend time together.  Yes, we are blessed!!  I can't even say it takes hard work.  It feels so natural to be married to Chin.  Well, we've been thinking about when (not whether) we will start lamenting these youthful, carefree years.  Will we regret not having done more before kids came along?  Probably.  But we both think that it's going to be a grand journey ahead :)

* Chin: Sorry if you know anyone named Cammy who isn't a stripper.
** After writing this, I realized this could look like I mean all Vietnamese women are strippers.  This, obviously, is not true.  I simply mean that a lot of Vietnamese women wear clear heels.  They do!
*** Chin: Uh, that's not true.  I don't want her to be celibate if she's married by the age of 30.

MacNut Week 24

This week is brought to you by the letter C.  C is for cankles.  Saturday was a hot day...and that was when I first discovered that my ankles had swollen up to blend seamlessly into my calves.  The saddest thing about this situation is that my feet are really small.  I looked really funny.  I wish I'd taken a picture. :)

Technically, this is what's going on this week:

• MacNut is the length of an ear of corn!! - ~ 11.81 inches and 1.32 pounds.
• The child is now gaining around 3 ounces (90 grams) a week.
• Taste buds begin to form. If mom drinks something strange or bitter, baby may be observed showing her distaste.
• The eyelids can be seen very clearly.
• Age of viability has been reached! If born at this stage, she has up to 85% chance of survival.

Physical:

• Weight: 142 lb (+16)
• Belly circumference: 36.75 in (+6.25)
• Fundal height: 23 in 
• As I mentioned above, I was getting cankles on a couple of those "hot" days this week.  I also discovered one day that my left ring finger was turning purplish!  I had to take off my wedding band before it becomes impossible to remove :(
• This week has been extremely bad for sleeping.  I slept through the night all of one night and regularly get up at 4 or 5 every morning, unable to fall back asleep.  This is due to a variety of causes including charlie horses, hip soreness, pelvic pain, hunger, thirst, needing to go to the bathroom, or just waking up for no particular reason!
• I'm tired a lot this week because of this weird sleep pattern.  I guess God's just preparing me super early for what motherhood will feel like :)

Spiritual & emotional:

• My emotions have been kind of all over this place this week.  Saturday was great.  Sunday was fantastic.  Monday was horrible.  Tuesday started feeling better.  Wednesday was depressing.   Etc.  Just the littlest things would set me off to a foul mood.  It's like I'm cognizant of this emotional imbalance, but I have so little control over it.
• We've been having a very good time fellowshipping with the people at church.