Coming to terms with not going to term

I need to do it.

I just need to wrap my head around the fact that I am not going to carry Marcus (Baby Chestnut) to full term.

I am disappointed and frustrated.  That's normal, right?

Last night around midnight, I was trying to take it easy just laying on the futon and pretending to review some material for my upcoming finals when a series of frequent contractions hit me.  They started out as been about 10 minutes apart.  And then they got closer and closer together, averaging about 5 minutes apart (some were 3).  In addition, a new symptom arose: deep sacral pressure.  The contractions weren't painful, just a little uncomfortable.  Before I went through childbirth, I would have ranked them 4 or 5/10 on a pain scale.  After childbirth, 2/10. Yes, M'am, knowing what a 10/10 pain is definitely shifts one's perspective!

I thought about it and thought about it.  Finally, I called the Family Beginnings Unit to ask if I should come in.  After answering a few questions (contractions getting more frequent & painful, no leaking fluids, no change in discharge, lots of fetal movements, etc.) they decided I should definitely come in.  The triage nurse said, "I'm seeing in the chart here that the last time you labored, it was only for 1.5 hours.  So...yes, please come in now!"

Then I still debated on whether to come in.  Now contractions were consistently under 5 minutes apart.  At around 3am, I asked Chin to drive me in to Seattle.

SR-520 is closed this weekend for construction so we had to take the long route to the hospital. *shakes fist* There, they monitored me for what seemed like an eternity, checked my cervix, and took a sample of urine just in case some hidden infection is causing all this preterm labor ruckus.  What they gathered was:

• My contractions slowed down to 5-7 minutes apart, but that was still frequent enough for them to be concerned about impending true labor.
• Dilation: 2
• Effacement: 70%
• Station: +1 (which explains the sacral pressure)

Camille was born at exactly 37 weeks (term).  I am currently at 35 weeks and 1 day.  The midwife who was there last night does not think that Marcus will make it to 37 weeks.  She predicts that he will be here by the end of this coming week.

She also gave us some good advice about coming to terms with the things that aren't ideal in this scenario:

• SR-520 is closed until Monday morning. That means we need to find alternate routes if things progress quickly before the weekend is over.
• Our trusty friend & doula, Tara, will be out of town until Thursday evening. No working around that :(
• If labor seems to be progressing quickly and/or traffic looks dismal, we need to get to Overlake Hospital (less than 2 miles from our house).
• I need to stay off my feet (or, rather, keep baby off my cervix) to hopefully increase my chances of keeping Marcus in for as long as possible. That means not being able to make it to church today (a huge disappointment because there is a pot luck today...and there ain't no pot luck like an RAC pot luck cuz and RAC pot luck don't stop!), possibly not being able to make it to my final on campus tomorrow, no play date for Lauren & Camille on Thursday, no traveling to Oregon to work on doing a surprise makeover of my sister's sewing room, no class reunion with my beloved MEPN friends next weekend, and no going to Lucky Buffet with the Ng cousins to celebrate Father's Day.
• Finally, if he arrives before 37 weeks (which is very likely at this point), he may be tiny, he may need to stay in the hospital longer, he may not be a good feeder, he may not have awesome lungs, etc.  Little boy...I really hope he stays in longer.

I mentioned this in my last post, but I am not done nesting, dangit!!

There are lots of things I still need/want to do around the house:

sort all the hand-me-downs for Marcus

somehow turn our dark gray bedroom into this serene oasis

attach the co-sleeper to our bed

do this for the little nook in our bedroom where
Marcus's mini crib will eventually go

do this thingamajig for the kids' room

and this funky idea with the Ikea-spice-rack-turned-bookcase

make & put up curtains in our living room

do this photo collage thing that I've been
meaning to do for months

And I still need to finish my Father's Day project for Chin, too. :-/

Have I already mentioned that Pinterest is slowly ruining my life?! It gives me the illusion that I can sew, do crafty carpentry, know how to cleverly organize all my crap, and live in a region where the sun perpetually shines. And I'm like, "Yeah, my house can totally look like that!" Sad.

Anyway, that's my rant.  I just need to get over it.  Get my poop in a group.  Finish this flippin' academic quarter.  And get physically/emotionally/spiritually ready for Marcus's early arrival.

It's disappointing, exciting, scary, frustrating, and wonderful.