 |
| "I don't like it, Mommy." |
We spent the last minutes of 2010 with our good friends, Lance and Krista Hoffman. Camille got to try out Will's exersaucer. No likey, apparently.
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Friday, December 31, 2010
New Years Eve 2010
We spent the last minutes of 2010 with our good friends, Lance and Krista Hoffman. Camille got to try out Will's exersaucer. No likey, apparently.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Hair clip
Camille's hair is getting to the point where it's starting to get into her eyes. Maybe she needs a hair cut?
No!
She just needs a hair clip!
No!
She just needs a hair clip!
 |
| "Hmm...not sure what to make of this..." |
Friday, December 17, 2010
Me, me, ME!!!
Do you notice those friends on Facebook who can always (1) manage to turn others' statuses into a comment about them, (2) relate everything to their kids, and/or (3) be a Debbie Downer about everything (especially their lives)?
[If you are wondering, "Is she talking about me?" Yes I am. Yes. I. Am.]
EXAMPLE: I post a picture of Camille...
Friend 1: When I was little, I got called a boy all the time, too! LOL!
Friend 2: My little Sheneneh has the exact same chair! LOL!
Friend 3: You think that's bad? My little LaWanda is five years old and she *still* gets called a boy. LOL!
Guess what, friends. Today, I did it! I was my own pet peeve!! Our friend Wendy posted a message about her son getting his 12-month shots today and I replied with, "Oh boo! Camille got her 4 month shots yesterday. She did okay at the time...but I think the meds made her a little uncomfortable last night. Oh! And she is teething, too. :("
I've gone and done it. I have become that annoying mom! (But I will still refuse to "LOL.")
[If you are wondering, "Is she talking about me?" Yes I am. Yes. I. Am.]
EXAMPLE: I post a picture of Camille...
 |
| Caption reads: Camille gets mistaken for a boy all the time. |
Friend 2: My little Sheneneh has the exact same chair! LOL!
Friend 3: You think that's bad? My little LaWanda is five years old and she *still* gets called a boy. LOL!
Guess what, friends. Today, I did it! I was my own pet peeve!! Our friend Wendy posted a message about her son getting his 12-month shots today and I replied with, "Oh boo! Camille got her 4 month shots yesterday. She did okay at the time...but I think the meds made her a little uncomfortable last night. Oh! And she is teething, too. :("
I've gone and done it. I have become that annoying mom! (But I will still refuse to "LOL.")
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Camille's fourth month: A review
What am I doing?! I'm so under-qualified for this motherhood thing!! I have no clue what I am doing with this little person. I am not constantly down on myself, but there is always this feeling in the back of my mind that I am "not doing it right." Oh well, that's normal, right? :)
This month, Camille's tummy has gotten much better with the keeping-food-in business. *phew* She has also gotten a lot more talkative and more curious of her surroundings. She still hasn't reached out for toys yet, but there are plenty of things that do make her eyes light up. Her neck muscle has gotten stronger. Her legs have also gotten stronger and she really enjoys standing and sometimes jumping. Her hair, of course, continues to grow wildly. And, yes, she does have a mullet.
There were a couple of nights toward the end of the month where she slept through the night! Camille has been sleeping for stretches of 6-7 hours every night (with a total of around 11-12 hours, but with 1-2 feedings in between). But for a couple of nights this past week, she slept for 10.5 and 11 hours straight! Not sure what caused that...but we sure were glad to get the continuous sleep, too! :)
Finally, the biggest milestone this month is: teething! Yes! It's true. She is growing up so fast.
The specs
As of November 30th
November 14 - Camille had a huge meltdown in the evening for no apparent reason. She just started screaming. We thought we'd give her a bath to calm her down. She was completely calm during the bath, but resumed the screaming immediately after we put her clothes back on. Still no idea what happened.
November 18 - Camille's first trip to the UW School of Nursing!
November 25 - Camille's first Thanksgiving! Also, Camille's first real cold. :( She woke up in the middle of the night with tons of green snot. But after the snot-removal process, she was all smiles. Gotta love this little girl!
November 26 - Chin & I got new phones (myTouch 4G). Okay, so this is not a Camille milestone, but it is a significant event as these phones enable us to take pictures of Camille, take videos, do video chat, text about Camille, look up information written by baby sleep experts, etc. Very useful!
December 2 - Successfully put my wedding band back on since 2nd trimester of pregnancy! I also shared the gospel story with Camille for the first time. She smiled. :)
December 3 - Camille had another huge meltdown for no apparent reason (in the middle of my company's holiday party). This time, we think it's because of a growth spurt.
December 10 - We left Camille with the Grays (a pastoral family from our church) for a few hours as we went to Chin's company party. The Grays are fantaaastic with kids!! We came back from the party to see Camille contently laying on the couch as Marvin read her the Gospel of John. Haha! Anyhow, Julie asked us, "Did you know that she's teething?" No! A little tooth bud is popping up from the bottom...right of the middle. *sigh* Why must you grow so fast?
Favorite part...
Sometimes during feeding time, Camille would just unlatch, stare up at me, and coo for a few minutes. These are the sweetest minutes of my day.
Least favorite...
Dealing with the sleep-training conundrum. Do I let her cry it out? Do I rock her to sleep? Camille is a good sleeper at night but naps are not coming very naturally for her even when she is tired. I am very torn on this topic. There is a blog post re:sleep that I'm still working on. Stay tuned!
Shout outs
...To Lance+Krista+William for letting us borrow this amazing play mat! Camille loves the blinking star that plays music.
...To nursing tank tops! I have been living in nursing tank tops since the day Camille was born. I have one nursing bra and have worn it exactly twice. Nursing tanks are so much better because they keep your tummy warm when you feed and they look more "respectable" when you're feeding without a cover. And let's face it, those nursing covers are awfully annoying!
Discoveries & reflections
...Sometimes, I just feel like I am the most blessed woman in the world. Then I look down and see that I've leaked milk through my shirt...and I curse the day I was born. Leaking milk is like my worst enemy. Curses!!
...Even though I don't set a schedule for Camille, I do feel bummed and sometimes even frustrated when Camille's routine gets shifted.
...When the baby is asleep and you see a hair on her face that you really want to pick off...resist the urge!
...Camille loves to be naked. Whether it be bath time (which she has always enjoyed), getting her diaper changed, or being put over the toilet to do bidnez. Whenever she is cranky, we just take off her diaper and let her just...hang out. We call it "naked time." Because we've been putting her over the toilet several times a day, it's almost like she knows not to pee or poop when she's naked elsewhere. Maybe we're really on our way to having a diaper-free baby! :)
...The spot on baby that needs scrubbing the most during a bath: the neck.
...The spot on baby that is the most difficult to access during a bath: the neck.
...Camille is adamant about not taking the bottle. She feels the same way about pacifiers. We've tried on many occasions (when she's happy and not too hungry, when she's starving, fed by Chin, fed by Bao, etc.) and nothing seems to work. Sometimes, she will even gag and throw up. This is sad because it limits me from being away from Camille for any period longer than 4 hours. :(
...It is a little sad when Camille grows out of some of her outfits. She's growing so fast!
...I believe that deep down inside, every new parent wants to be "the cool parent." We want to be nonchalant about child-rearing and give the impression that we're cool like the Fonz. But we ain't. Deep, deep down inside, we are scared shitless. Am I the only one?
...In an interview between Don Miller and Dr. John Townsend in the Convergence series, they mentioned something to the effect that God is the perfect parent. Yet we, as His children, are terribly screwed up. I think that takes a lot of pressure off of me as a parent to know that, well, Camille is screwed. Hehe, kidding. Well, I feel a lot better knowing this because it means that effort and results are not necessarily equivalent. Still, I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to do what is best.
...I often feel that I'm not giving Camille enough social interactions.
...I am much better at encouraging other new moms than I am at forgiving myself.
...I just need to convince myself that (1) there is no "one perfect way" to raise a child, (2) the most well-intentioned people (mostly moms) may not have the best parenting advice for me, and (3) I, actually, am not an idiot.
This month, Camille's tummy has gotten much better with the keeping-food-in business. *phew* She has also gotten a lot more talkative and more curious of her surroundings. She still hasn't reached out for toys yet, but there are plenty of things that do make her eyes light up. Her neck muscle has gotten stronger. Her legs have also gotten stronger and she really enjoys standing and sometimes jumping. Her hair, of course, continues to grow wildly. And, yes, she does have a mullet.
There were a couple of nights toward the end of the month where she slept through the night! Camille has been sleeping for stretches of 6-7 hours every night (with a total of around 11-12 hours, but with 1-2 feedings in between). But for a couple of nights this past week, she slept for 10.5 and 11 hours straight! Not sure what caused that...but we sure were glad to get the continuous sleep, too! :)
Finally, the biggest milestone this month is: teething! Yes! It's true. She is growing up so fast.
Chin playing with Camille (Nov 18)
The specs
As of November 30th
- Weight: 11 lb 11 oz
- Height: 23.5 in
November 14 - Camille had a huge meltdown in the evening for no apparent reason. She just started screaming. We thought we'd give her a bath to calm her down. She was completely calm during the bath, but resumed the screaming immediately after we put her clothes back on. Still no idea what happened.
November 18 - Camille's first trip to the UW School of Nursing!
 |
| Visiting Auntie Hilary & Auntie Lam |
November 26 - Chin & I got new phones (myTouch 4G). Okay, so this is not a Camille milestone, but it is a significant event as these phones enable us to take pictures of Camille, take videos, do video chat, text about Camille, look up information written by baby sleep experts, etc. Very useful!
December 2 - Successfully put my wedding band back on since 2nd trimester of pregnancy! I also shared the gospel story with Camille for the first time. She smiled. :)
December 3 - Camille had another huge meltdown for no apparent reason (in the middle of my company's holiday party). This time, we think it's because of a growth spurt.
December 10 - We left Camille with the Grays (a pastoral family from our church) for a few hours as we went to Chin's company party. The Grays are fantaaastic with kids!! We came back from the party to see Camille contently laying on the couch as Marvin read her the Gospel of John. Haha! Anyhow, Julie asked us, "Did you know that she's teething?" No! A little tooth bud is popping up from the bottom...right of the middle. *sigh* Why must you grow so fast?
Favorite part...
Sometimes during feeding time, Camille would just unlatch, stare up at me, and coo for a few minutes. These are the sweetest minutes of my day.
Least favorite...
Dealing with the sleep-training conundrum. Do I let her cry it out? Do I rock her to sleep? Camille is a good sleeper at night but naps are not coming very naturally for her even when she is tired. I am very torn on this topic. There is a blog post re:sleep that I'm still working on. Stay tuned!
Shout outs
...To Lance+Krista+William for letting us borrow this amazing play mat! Camille loves the blinking star that plays music.
 |
| She loves it! |
Discoveries & reflections
...Sometimes, I just feel like I am the most blessed woman in the world. Then I look down and see that I've leaked milk through my shirt...and I curse the day I was born. Leaking milk is like my worst enemy. Curses!!
...Even though I don't set a schedule for Camille, I do feel bummed and sometimes even frustrated when Camille's routine gets shifted.
...When the baby is asleep and you see a hair on her face that you really want to pick off...resist the urge!
...Camille loves to be naked. Whether it be bath time (which she has always enjoyed), getting her diaper changed, or being put over the toilet to do bidnez. Whenever she is cranky, we just take off her diaper and let her just...hang out. We call it "naked time." Because we've been putting her over the toilet several times a day, it's almost like she knows not to pee or poop when she's naked elsewhere. Maybe we're really on our way to having a diaper-free baby! :)
...The spot on baby that needs scrubbing the most during a bath: the neck.
...The spot on baby that is the most difficult to access during a bath: the neck.
...Camille is adamant about not taking the bottle. She feels the same way about pacifiers. We've tried on many occasions (when she's happy and not too hungry, when she's starving, fed by Chin, fed by Bao, etc.) and nothing seems to work. Sometimes, she will even gag and throw up. This is sad because it limits me from being away from Camille for any period longer than 4 hours. :(
...It is a little sad when Camille grows out of some of her outfits. She's growing so fast!
 |
| "So, um, you like my new hat?" |
...In an interview between Don Miller and Dr. John Townsend in the Convergence series, they mentioned something to the effect that God is the perfect parent. Yet we, as His children, are terribly screwed up. I think that takes a lot of pressure off of me as a parent to know that, well, Camille is screwed. Hehe, kidding. Well, I feel a lot better knowing this because it means that effort and results are not necessarily equivalent. Still, I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to do what is best.
...I often feel that I'm not giving Camille enough social interactions.
...I am much better at encouraging other new moms than I am at forgiving myself.
...I just need to convince myself that (1) there is no "one perfect way" to raise a child, (2) the most well-intentioned people (mostly moms) may not have the best parenting advice for me, and (3) I, actually, am not an idiot.
 |
| Next thing you know, she'll want to go shopping for a prom dress |
Monday, December 06, 2010
So true
I found this on the interwebs today and thought, "Boy, ain't that the truth." Enjoy. (Also, sorry Chin.)
Thursday, December 02, 2010
Building a Camille
Camille is almost 4 months old. In that time, her physical features have changed a bit; but we think we've figured who gave her what. Below is a quick list.
Eyes - If you've ever seen a baby picture of Bao, this is obvious. BAO
Eyebrows - CHIN (Bao insists on this, but Chin thinks it's too early to tell.)
Mouth - Not as obvious, but when she cries or smiles big, it's easier to see. CHIN
Nose - Most difficult of all to see. So far, we say... BAO
Hair Style - Spikey and unable to lay flat? CHIN
Hair Volume - Chin was bald as a kid; Bao was born with a lot of hair. BAO
Ears - She has earlobes, and Chin has no lobes at all. BAO
Cheeks - She has dimples like Bao did when young. BAO
Face Shape - Some say Chin's father, some say Bao's father. NO VERDICT
Hands and Feet - Long, slender digits. CHIN
Skin - She has Grandma's (Chin's mom) light skin. CHIN
Body Type - Long torso, short legs. CHIN
Bowed Legs - Chin's mom again. CHIN
Flat Feet - CHIN
Final count:
BAO: 5
CHIN: 8
NO VERDICT: 1
You'd think that, by looking at the numbers, she would look like Daddy. However, anybody who's seen Camille (everybody reading this blog) knows that she is a Mommy clone. Daddy's happy for that.
Eyes - If you've ever seen a baby picture of Bao, this is obvious. BAO
Eyebrows - CHIN (Bao insists on this, but Chin thinks it's too early to tell.)
Mouth - Not as obvious, but when she cries or smiles big, it's easier to see. CHIN
Nose - Most difficult of all to see. So far, we say... BAO
Hair Style - Spikey and unable to lay flat? CHIN
Hair Volume - Chin was bald as a kid; Bao was born with a lot of hair. BAO
Ears - She has earlobes, and Chin has no lobes at all. BAO
Cheeks - She has dimples like Bao did when young. BAO
Face Shape - Some say Chin's father, some say Bao's father. NO VERDICT
Hands and Feet - Long, slender digits. CHIN
Skin - She has Grandma's (Chin's mom) light skin. CHIN
Body Type - Long torso, short legs. CHIN
Bowed Legs - Chin's mom again. CHIN
Flat Feet - CHIN
Final count:
BAO: 5
CHIN: 8
NO VERDICT: 1
You'd think that, by looking at the numbers, she would look like Daddy. However, anybody who's seen Camille (everybody reading this blog) knows that she is a Mommy clone. Daddy's happy for that.
 |
| The Camille |
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Reflections on pregnancy, labor+delivery, and recovery
A bit overdue, but here are my reflections on pregnancy, labor, delivery, and recovery. Better late than never, right? These things have been on my mind for a long time and I'm finally going to write about them :)
Pregnancy
1st trimester - sucked.
2nd trimester - glorious!
3rd trimester - sucked.
I think that about sums it up. Honestly, after Camille is born, I don't even remember pregnancy all that much. I'd like to think that motherhood is so blissful that I block out the sucky memories of pregnancy. But I think it's just sleep deprivation induced amnesia.
Okay, so, reflecting on my pregnancy experience (you can read my account of the whole pregnancy starting from week 0)... I did not like weeks 6 to 10 of pregnancy at all. The nausea and vomiting was horrible. I also felt bloated. And at the beginning, I didn't tell a lot of people so it was just this limbo period of feeling a little fat and gross.
From week 11 to week 20, I had a solid ten weeks of pure pregnancy bliss! No more nausea/vomiting. My appetite came back. My belly grew. My pregnancy became public knowledge. We found out Camille was a girl and named her. It was spectacular!
The last stretch of pregnancy (weeks 21 to 37) was not so fun physically or emotionally...but the anticipation of Camille's arrival was amazing.
Favorite part ... Hands down: feeling baby move! Followed by second best: having Chin feel baby move.
Least favorite ... Was the emotional strain in the 3rd trimester with the passing of Caleb and the stress of school.
If I could do it over again ... I would eat more healthy. I ate a lot of unhealthy foods and would often let myself go hungry because I was too lazy to make something to eat. I think the key is to have healthy foods prepped and ready to go. That's what I would do next time.
Labor & Delivery
I would consider myself having a relatively short labor. But my mentor (Christine Nakano) would say, "You were in labor for three months!" Alright. Alright! Buuuuuut, I'm still going to consider "real-ish" labor to start the Friday before Camille was born...and "real" labor starting at 3:40am on Camille's birthday.
Considering that I was sleeping when my water broke and I delivered 93 minutes later, it was a very precipitous labor! I am SO thankful for that!
Favorite part ... Pushing!! Pushing was by far the best part of the process! The pain was annoying when there wasn't anything I could do except to breathe through it. Pushing, now, that was productive! I just made the most awkward pushing-face in the world and just went at it with abandonment. It was great! I can't stress enough how much I loved this part!!
Least favorite ... I could say the worst part was the anticipation of our baby's arrival, or the feeling of helplessness, or being unprepared because it all happened so quickly, blah blah blah. Whatever. It was the pain. It was painful. But, yes, good thing it was quick!
If I could do it over again ... I would not let my "plan" ruin the labor experience. I was feeling bad that I had called everyone and told them that I was in labor on Friday...and then everything halted. Next time, I will choose not to care so much. Baby comes when baby comes.
Recovery
This is a part of childbearing that a lot of women don't talk about. They say that recovery from childbirth typically takes about 6 weeks. From my experience, this was pretty much true.
Did this mean I was back to my pre-pregnancy shape by this time? No.
Did this mean intimacy could just be picked up where we left off? No.
Did this mean I was more or less kind of normal again? Kind of.
Breastfeeding definitely helps with the "getting back to your pre-pregnancy shape" part. At the end of the 6 weeks, I think I was still about 5-7 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight. At 3 months postpartum, I'm 5 pounds lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight. Does this mean I am hotter than before? My boobs are bigger and I'm thinner. You do the math! Although...I have not even attempted to wear non-maternity pants yet :P
One weird thing that I did not anticipate for was the degree of urinary incontinence I had in the immediate postpartum period. The day after delivering Camille, I went into our bathroom and as soon as I saw the toilet, I felt pee running down my legs. What? WHAT?! This also happened to be on my 30th birthday. Am I that old that I already have urinary incontinence?! For the next couple of days, I would have a hard time controlling my bladder just right before getting to the toilet. I had to make a point to go to the bathroom frequently to avoid this from happening. I also did more Kegel exercises...which Tara (my trusty friend & doula) reminded me also helped with the healing process "down under" as the flexing rushes blood to the area and speeds up the restoration of the area.
I also had a urinary tract infection (UTI) and a kidney infection. How did this happen? Lemme tell you... After delivery, the midwifery student gave me some misoprostol to ensure that I won't bleed out. Misoprostol commonly causes a slight spike in temperature. When they saw that I had a low grade fever, the team of nurses + midwives + OBs (who did not take into account the fact that I was given misoprostol *tsk tsk*) decided that I must have an infection. A common infection is a UTI. So they decided to get a urine sample with a catheter insertion (which, by the way, was nearly as painful as the birthing process...and nowhere near as beautiful). The result, of course, came back that I did not have a UTI. I could have told them that! Even though I felt feverish, I had a feeling that everything was fine. I felt like my body just needed some time to work things out. Besides, I just gave birth to another human being. Give me a couple of hours to bounce back! Geez!! Anyway, in the process of inserting the catheter, the two nurses totally botched it and introduced some E. coli into my bladder. About 4-5 days postpartum, I felt that things were not right but I didn't know what it was. I had a feeling that I had a UTI and maybe even a kidney infection because I had flank pain on my left side. I should have trusted my instincts...because a few nights later, I suddenly had a fever of 103 and was taken to the ER where they found that, yay, I had a UTI and a kidney infection. After some antibiotics, I was peachy again. *phew*
Oh! Postpartum depression (PPD). Did I have it? I would say "no." I did have the typical postpartum blues from time to time, though. I do remember very distinctly one day while sitting at the dining room table thinking, "I think PPD is creeping up on me! But let's think this through first..." I remembered feeling sad. And so I sorted through all the reasons why I should be sad and I methodically used logic to explain to myself how silly it was to be sad. I had no reason to be sad. Silly. PPD = over.
While we're on the topic of PPD, however, I would like to say that I have cracked the code. Yes. I think I have figured out why women (more specifically women in Western cultures) get PPD. Here goes:
I would also like to add to this theory that the best way to mitigate the possibility of PPD is: living in community. In the "home country" this would mean living with family. Our current situation puts us far away from family and we (as I am sure many of you can relate) make a patchworked family out of friends around us. An old couple from church can be the wise grandparents. Friends without children can be the spoiling aunts and uncles. Anyway, you know what I mean. And we love our patchworked family here! So many of you have brought us food, come to visit, and given us invaluable advice. Without you (and our real families, of course), we really could not have made it out of this postpartum period with any wits intact. Thank you so much!!
Favorite part ... Camille. It's cliché, I know, but I have to say that my favorite part was getting to know this little person.
Least favorite ... Oh, boy, what is it? There are so many things that I did not enjoy so much. I can't pick just one. I will give you...the top three things: sleep deprivation, UTI & kidney infection, and leaking milk everywhere. Yup. That about sums it up.
If I could do it over again ... I would trust myself more and make quick decisions based on those instincts.
Pregnancy
1st trimester - sucked.
2nd trimester - glorious!
3rd trimester - sucked.
I think that about sums it up. Honestly, after Camille is born, I don't even remember pregnancy all that much. I'd like to think that motherhood is so blissful that I block out the sucky memories of pregnancy. But I think it's just sleep deprivation induced amnesia.
 |
| I miss feeling the kicks and rolls |
From week 11 to week 20, I had a solid ten weeks of pure pregnancy bliss! No more nausea/vomiting. My appetite came back. My belly grew. My pregnancy became public knowledge. We found out Camille was a girl and named her. It was spectacular!
The last stretch of pregnancy (weeks 21 to 37) was not so fun physically or emotionally...but the anticipation of Camille's arrival was amazing.
Favorite part ... Hands down: feeling baby move! Followed by second best: having Chin feel baby move.
Least favorite ... Was the emotional strain in the 3rd trimester with the passing of Caleb and the stress of school.
If I could do it over again ... I would eat more healthy. I ate a lot of unhealthy foods and would often let myself go hungry because I was too lazy to make something to eat. I think the key is to have healthy foods prepped and ready to go. That's what I would do next time.
Labor & Delivery
I would consider myself having a relatively short labor. But my mentor (Christine Nakano) would say, "You were in labor for three months!" Alright. Alright! Buuuuuut, I'm still going to consider "real-ish" labor to start the Friday before Camille was born...and "real" labor starting at 3:40am on Camille's birthday.
 |
| She's here! She's really, finally here! |
Favorite part ... Pushing!! Pushing was by far the best part of the process! The pain was annoying when there wasn't anything I could do except to breathe through it. Pushing, now, that was productive! I just made the most awkward pushing-face in the world and just went at it with abandonment. It was great! I can't stress enough how much I loved this part!!
Least favorite ... I could say the worst part was the anticipation of our baby's arrival, or the feeling of helplessness, or being unprepared because it all happened so quickly, blah blah blah. Whatever. It was the pain. It was painful. But, yes, good thing it was quick!
If I could do it over again ... I would not let my "plan" ruin the labor experience. I was feeling bad that I had called everyone and told them that I was in labor on Friday...and then everything halted. Next time, I will choose not to care so much. Baby comes when baby comes.
Recovery
This is a part of childbearing that a lot of women don't talk about. They say that recovery from childbirth typically takes about 6 weeks. From my experience, this was pretty much true.
Did this mean I was back to my pre-pregnancy shape by this time? No.
Did this mean intimacy could just be picked up where we left off? No.
Did this mean I was more or less kind of normal again? Kind of.
 | |
| At nearly 3 weeks postpartum, you can see that I still looked about 5 months pregnant. This is normal, folks! Embrace it! |
One weird thing that I did not anticipate for was the degree of urinary incontinence I had in the immediate postpartum period. The day after delivering Camille, I went into our bathroom and as soon as I saw the toilet, I felt pee running down my legs. What? WHAT?! This also happened to be on my 30th birthday. Am I that old that I already have urinary incontinence?! For the next couple of days, I would have a hard time controlling my bladder just right before getting to the toilet. I had to make a point to go to the bathroom frequently to avoid this from happening. I also did more Kegel exercises...which Tara (my trusty friend & doula) reminded me also helped with the healing process "down under" as the flexing rushes blood to the area and speeds up the restoration of the area.
I also had a urinary tract infection (UTI) and a kidney infection. How did this happen? Lemme tell you... After delivery, the midwifery student gave me some misoprostol to ensure that I won't bleed out. Misoprostol commonly causes a slight spike in temperature. When they saw that I had a low grade fever, the team of nurses + midwives + OBs (who did not take into account the fact that I was given misoprostol *tsk tsk*) decided that I must have an infection. A common infection is a UTI. So they decided to get a urine sample with a catheter insertion (which, by the way, was nearly as painful as the birthing process...and nowhere near as beautiful). The result, of course, came back that I did not have a UTI. I could have told them that! Even though I felt feverish, I had a feeling that everything was fine. I felt like my body just needed some time to work things out. Besides, I just gave birth to another human being. Give me a couple of hours to bounce back! Geez!! Anyway, in the process of inserting the catheter, the two nurses totally botched it and introduced some E. coli into my bladder. About 4-5 days postpartum, I felt that things were not right but I didn't know what it was. I had a feeling that I had a UTI and maybe even a kidney infection because I had flank pain on my left side. I should have trusted my instincts...because a few nights later, I suddenly had a fever of 103 and was taken to the ER where they found that, yay, I had a UTI and a kidney infection. After some antibiotics, I was peachy again. *phew*
Oh! Postpartum depression (PPD). Did I have it? I would say "no." I did have the typical postpartum blues from time to time, though. I do remember very distinctly one day while sitting at the dining room table thinking, "I think PPD is creeping up on me! But let's think this through first..." I remembered feeling sad. And so I sorted through all the reasons why I should be sad and I methodically used logic to explain to myself how silly it was to be sad. I had no reason to be sad. Silly. PPD = over.
While we're on the topic of PPD, however, I would like to say that I have cracked the code. Yes. I think I have figured out why women (more specifically women in Western cultures) get PPD. Here goes:
- In the postpartum period, whether you are having your first child or your tenth (but most likely, your first), you are going through a fantastic time of transition.
- As your whole life shifts, you are demanded to think all introspectively and get all emotional.
- To add to this wild fire are your raging postpartum hormones.
- To add even more fuel is the fact that you have not been sleeping and you are completely delirious.
- The deliriousness impedes your ability to think clearly.
- This fogginess of mind in combination with the prompts to be introspective then lead to depression.
I would also like to add to this theory that the best way to mitigate the possibility of PPD is: living in community. In the "home country" this would mean living with family. Our current situation puts us far away from family and we (as I am sure many of you can relate) make a patchworked family out of friends around us. An old couple from church can be the wise grandparents. Friends without children can be the spoiling aunts and uncles. Anyway, you know what I mean. And we love our patchworked family here! So many of you have brought us food, come to visit, and given us invaluable advice. Without you (and our real families, of course), we really could not have made it out of this postpartum period with any wits intact. Thank you so much!!
Favorite part ... Camille. It's cliché, I know, but I have to say that my favorite part was getting to know this little person.
Least favorite ... Oh, boy, what is it? There are so many things that I did not enjoy so much. I can't pick just one. I will give you...the top three things: sleep deprivation, UTI & kidney infection, and leaking milk everywhere. Yup. That about sums it up.
If I could do it over again ... I would trust myself more and make quick decisions based on those instincts.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Camille's third month: A review
This month has been marked by (1) regular spit ups, (2) a routine, and (3) smiles!
Camille has been spitting up (immediate regurgitation of milk) on a nearly daily basis starting on October 16th. It was projectile...but it wasn't vomit; just stuff that she had just ingested. The regurged stuff would have some phlegm in it and Camille would be totally happy after throwing up. And then she'd want to feed again.
Camille has a nice little routine going this month. Being so delirious with sleep deprivation, I didn't pay much attention to any patterns in Camille's day. But I saw our friend Krista keep a little log of her son's activities on the white board and I thought maybe I would do the same to see if I can see any patterns in Camille's day. And the pattern that I found (at least true for 90% of this month) was:
Finally, Camille is smiling a lot more this month. The smiles are not always predictable, but they are definitely more obvious and frequent.
The specs
As of October 13th (2-month check-up)
October 17 - Lots of family and friends came together to meet Camille and celebrate this little girl.
October 25 - I caught a cold :( Lemme tell ya, it isn't easy taking care of a newborn when one isn't 100%, let alone a new mom who is already functioning at 32% prior to the cold. I really needed some help so that I could take some peaceful naps. And that is why...
October 27 - My first solo interstate drive with Camille down to Portland to surprise my parents (she slept the whole way!). Chin carpooled down with some Rideshare folks on Friday and we drove back together that Sunday. We were away from Chin for two days. It felt like forever (to Chin & me anyway)!! It was a good trip because I got to sleep a lot and kind of get over my cold. Camille also caught a mild version of that cold (thanks to the antibodies in breast milk) but she recovered quickly.
November 3 - With Camille in tow, I managed to go grocery shopping and made a pot of Bún Bò Huế...which is no small feat, lemme tell ya!
November 8 - Camille and I made another trek down to Portland. This time, we were down there for 4 days and 3 nights...and I drove with just Camille both ways. Once again, she was a champ and slept the whole way.
November 11 - We took Camille to her (and our) first UW women's volleyball game!
November 13 - My parents babysat Camille over Skype while I took a shower. :)
Favorite part...
Seeing Camille's smiles get bigger and more frequent :)
Least favorite...
Being away from family. I really wish we lived closer to family. I love being with Camille all day. But it does get pretty lonely.
Shout outs
...To Joel+Lisa+Kaden To for lending us a UW onesie and a swing set for Camille!
...To my mom for taking care of Camille while I took lots of naps to recover from my cold.
...Once again, to my sister GT who gave me her old iPhone 3G. It has been so nice to have this gadget handy when I'm breastfeeding (and Camille is sleep-nursing)!!
...To myself, for winning so many diapers! Hehe :P
Discoveries & reflections
...I pray with Camille everyday. I feel like I am praying more now than I ever did when I was pregnant. I love it. It's so sweet!
...I remember being really mean to Camille when she was a lot younger. I can't imagine how I can be that mean to her! I love her so much more now than I ever did before.
...The decision to take time off from school until next June = one of the best decisions I have ever made!
...I love it when Camille smiles while she is sleep-nursing. I captured a photo of this but I'm not going to post it on here because it shows my boob. Thanks.
...I need to be more careful of my posture when I breastfeed. I am developing the bad habit of slouching & I'm paying for it in an achy lower back. :(
...Some days, having showered is a big accomplishment.
...Grocery shopping and cooking with an infant in tow is an art that takes experience and finesse. I have a long ways to go!
...I think sleep deprivation can really lord over new parents' lives. From the ability to stay sane to the choices we make for our family to how we interact with others, the tiredness we experience as a result of lack of sleep has a tremendous effect on nearly every aspect of our daily functions. For instance, while I was pregnant and naive (or rather, better rested), I would fantasize about the bliss of co-sleeping and never having to even think about letting my child cry it out. Being driven by the lack of sleep, I often think, "To hell with this attachment parenting crap! Cry it out! See if I care!" I really don't want to make these important parenting decisions based on sleep. God help me!
...It is insulting to a new mother for someone (usually the new father) to do simple arithmetic with how many hours of sleep she has had. Please do not suggest that, "You slept for 3 hours, and then fed the baby for 30 minutes, and then slept another 3 hours, and then woke up to feed for 30 minutes, and then slept for another 2 hours...so you slept for 8 hours!" No, no, no, no, no. New motherhood defies simple arithmetic. You're wrong. Go back to school.
...I kind of hate to admit this, but some days, I just look forward to Chin coming home. Heck, who am I kidding. EVERYDAY I just look forward to Chin coming home!
...I wish we lived closer to family.
Camille has been spitting up (immediate regurgitation of milk) on a nearly daily basis starting on October 16th. It was projectile...but it wasn't vomit; just stuff that she had just ingested. The regurged stuff would have some phlegm in it and Camille would be totally happy after throwing up. And then she'd want to feed again.
Camille has a nice little routine going this month. Being so delirious with sleep deprivation, I didn't pay much attention to any patterns in Camille's day. But I saw our friend Krista keep a little log of her son's activities on the white board and I thought maybe I would do the same to see if I can see any patterns in Camille's day. And the pattern that I found (at least true for 90% of this month) was:
- Sleeps at 11pm (yes, she's a night owl just like her parents!)
- Wakes at 6am to feed, then goes back to sleep
- Wakes at 10:30, poops, feeds at 11 and stays up
- By around 1pm, she gets restless and wants to feed again so she can nap
- Naps for 2-3 hours
- Wakes up cranky and wants to feed right away, then poops
- Then the time between her nap and her bedtime is a little variable...usually including a couple of 1-hour naps around 5 and 8
Finally, Camille is smiling a lot more this month. The smiles are not always predictable, but they are definitely more obvious and frequent.
The specs
As of October 13th (2-month check-up)
- Weight: 9 lb 7 oz (25th percentile)
- Height: 22.5 in (75th percentile)
- 14.5 in (10-25th percentile)
October 17 - Lots of family and friends came together to meet Camille and celebrate this little girl.
October 25 - I caught a cold :( Lemme tell ya, it isn't easy taking care of a newborn when one isn't 100%, let alone a new mom who is already functioning at 32% prior to the cold. I really needed some help so that I could take some peaceful naps. And that is why...
October 27 - My first solo interstate drive with Camille down to Portland to surprise my parents (she slept the whole way!). Chin carpooled down with some Rideshare folks on Friday and we drove back together that Sunday. We were away from Chin for two days. It felt like forever (to Chin & me anyway)!! It was a good trip because I got to sleep a lot and kind of get over my cold. Camille also caught a mild version of that cold (thanks to the antibodies in breast milk) but she recovered quickly.
November 3 - With Camille in tow, I managed to go grocery shopping and made a pot of Bún Bò Huế...which is no small feat, lemme tell ya!
November 8 - Camille and I made another trek down to Portland. This time, we were down there for 4 days and 3 nights...and I drove with just Camille both ways. Once again, she was a champ and slept the whole way.
November 11 - We took Camille to her (and our) first UW women's volleyball game!
 |
| We did put pants on her, thank you Freakout Moms |
Favorite part...
Seeing Camille's smiles get bigger and more frequent :)
Least favorite...
Being away from family. I really wish we lived closer to family. I love being with Camille all day. But it does get pretty lonely.
Shout outs
...To Joel+Lisa+Kaden To for lending us a UW onesie and a swing set for Camille!
...To my mom for taking care of Camille while I took lots of naps to recover from my cold.
...Once again, to my sister GT who gave me her old iPhone 3G. It has been so nice to have this gadget handy when I'm breastfeeding (and Camille is sleep-nursing)!!
...To myself, for winning so many diapers! Hehe :P
 |
| Camille is modeling a Thirsties Duo Diaper |
...I pray with Camille everyday. I feel like I am praying more now than I ever did when I was pregnant. I love it. It's so sweet!
 |
| I love this girl a lot |
...The decision to take time off from school until next June = one of the best decisions I have ever made!
...I love it when Camille smiles while she is sleep-nursing. I captured a photo of this but I'm not going to post it on here because it shows my boob. Thanks.
...I need to be more careful of my posture when I breastfeed. I am developing the bad habit of slouching & I'm paying for it in an achy lower back. :(
...Some days, having showered is a big accomplishment.
...Grocery shopping and cooking with an infant in tow is an art that takes experience and finesse. I have a long ways to go!
...I think sleep deprivation can really lord over new parents' lives. From the ability to stay sane to the choices we make for our family to how we interact with others, the tiredness we experience as a result of lack of sleep has a tremendous effect on nearly every aspect of our daily functions. For instance, while I was pregnant and naive (or rather, better rested), I would fantasize about the bliss of co-sleeping and never having to even think about letting my child cry it out. Being driven by the lack of sleep, I often think, "To hell with this attachment parenting crap! Cry it out! See if I care!" I really don't want to make these important parenting decisions based on sleep. God help me!
...It is insulting to a new mother for someone (usually the new father) to do simple arithmetic with how many hours of sleep she has had. Please do not suggest that, "You slept for 3 hours, and then fed the baby for 30 minutes, and then slept another 3 hours, and then woke up to feed for 30 minutes, and then slept for another 2 hours...so you slept for 8 hours!" No, no, no, no, no. New motherhood defies simple arithmetic. You're wrong. Go back to school.
 |
| I brought Camille over to our bed to snuggle with Chin before he had to go to work |
...I wish we lived closer to family.
 |
| Our 3-month-old girl |
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Camille's second month: A review
So, I guess I should mention that if there is one thing I have learned in this wild mothering journey, it would be: If you're waiting for the perfect moment to create the perfect blog post, it isn't going to happen. See? I don't even have the brain power to be witty about that last statement. *sigh*
The specs
As of September 16 (1-month check-up)
September 17 - Camille's first time at Jollibee.
September 20 - Chin's first day back at work. This was a sad day. Chin missed us so much that he had to come home for lunch. He didn't eat much. Just swooped up the little one and snuggled with her. GT came up to help me adjust to taking care of Camille without Chin. I'm SO thankful for her!
September 23 - My first day of being a full-time mom...flying solo. It went okay :)
September 26 - Camille decided to stay up ALL night. From midnight until 10am. With church starting at 11, we just packed her up and went to church...completely sleep-deprived, but we were glad that we went because of the great sermon on fellowshipping and the real sense of community that we felt when other parents surrounded us with support. We love our church!
September 29 - First time giving Camille a bath without Chin. Wow, that was harder than I thought. But, thankfully, I did not drop her.
October 1 - Camille attended her first wedding! She wore her first dress, thanks to her little friend Makayla!
October 7 - Kind of on a whim, we started cloth-diapering Camille. I wasn't completely ready to do it, but it worked out well!! A lot easier than I thought.
October 9 - Again, on a whim, I started Elimination Communication. Since her first day of life, I've been making this "psst psst psst" sound whenever she poops so she could associate the sound with pooping. When I put her over the toilet and made the sound, she just let it all out! I thought it was a fluke at first, but subsequent attempts have been very successful. So, we're on our way to being diaper free! Okay...maybe not quite :)
October 11 - I think I saw Camille smiling. I'm pretty sure it was one of her first social smiles. Also, today I found a smear of poop on the back of my hand and didn't know where it came from...and, more importantly, didn't care!
Favorite part...
Hard to say. But I think I am enjoying motherhood a little more since I'm getting more used to taking care of Camille. I am loving watching her develop her own personality, especially as she is learning to smile a bit more.
Least favorite...
Hands down: Chin going back to work. Followed by how stinkin' hard it is to put Camille to sleep at night.
Shout outs
...To all my friends who have been incredibly supportive in this not-always-natural breastfeeding journey.
...Again, to GT who came up to spend a few days with us as I adjusted to taking care of Camille without Chin. It was only a few days but it helped me a lot! Thank you, Sis!
...To these amazing Wee Gallery art cards given to Camille by Auntie Krista. Camille is really curious about them and is starting to spend a lot of time studying them.
...To cousin Donovan who continues to shower Camille with tons of hand-me-downs!
...To the Kalepos for letting Camille borrow their Boppy swing! It helped us on several occasions when Camille just refused to sleep in her bed. The Kalepos also passed on about a dozen different pacifiers for us to try out. Camille has her favorites...and is kind of developing a dependency on them at night. Ruh roh...
Discoveries & reflections
...I have started sitting in the front seat with Chin, leaving Camille to fend for herself in the backseat. Which is usually no problem since she often ends up falling asleep in a moving vehicle anyway!
...I really miss Chin after he went back to work. :(
...I felt that Camille would be nice and cute to everyone else...and would save her worst side for me. I expressed this in an email I sent to Chin the night before his first day back at work (composed in the middle of the night, in tears):
...I am mean to Camille. I mean, really mean. But she started it! As mentioned above, there was one night where Camille kept us up the whole time. That was the worst incident. But there were other nights where she would be up either fussing or just simply wanted to play. On nights where Chin had to work the next day, Chin would often have to go to the other room to sleep. There I was, with a baby who's a complete jerk...and no husband! I felt so lonely and upset. On more than one occasion, I turned this frustration toward Camille. There was one time where I yanked the pacifier out of her mouth and taunted her. Man, I feel bad typing that out. But I did it. I am mean.
...If a baby has been awake all day, don't assume she will sleep at night. And if she slept the entire day, don't assume she'll stay up all night.
...I have fast, forceful milk letdown. I hate it!! Camille chokes on the milk and would become very frustrated. She would then unlatch and milk sprays everywhere (up to 15 inches)!! After researching a ton online, I decided to send out a desperate call for help in the form of an email to some of the best breastfeeding experts: my friends. I am so thankful for their responses. Many useful tips. But mostly just comfort and support for the weary. I am so grateful for these gals!
...One time, I was watching a "Dirty Jobs" episode filmed at a dairy farm/factory and I wished they made milking machines for humans.
...Camille would often get hungry just as soon as I start eating.
...I love watching how much Chin adores this little girl.
...We get a lot of comments that Camille looks like a boy. I don't think wearing cousin Donovan's clothes helps her out a lot. :)
...I love the fact that Camille's crib is side-carred to our bed!!
...It is so frustrating to put Camille to bed. She would feed and fall asleep. As soon as I put her down, she'd wake up (for all you parents reading this, I can see you all nodding :P). She just wants to suck on something as she falls asleep...although she doesn't always take the pacifier right away. Oh no no. It takes us about 5-10 attempts each time to give her the pacifier. Once she latches on to the pacifier, it'd just be a matter of minutes before she falls asleep and it falls out of her mouth. And then we start all over again with the many attempts to get her to latch onto it. We both go back and forth with whether to let her "cry it out." Before we were pregnant, we were sure that we would go with the cry-it-out method and train her to sleep from a young age. During pregnancy, I started researching more into attachment parenting and found how emotionally scarring this method could be. Also, my parents embraced a lot of the attachment parenting philosophies (breastfeeding, elimination communication, co-sleeping, etc.) and, in many ways, I feel that they did parenting right. So, we decided not to do cry-it-out. But on nights where she was just a real jerk, it's really tempting.
...It is really okay to ignore bad advice.
...I tend to do a lot of research on the internet. I have learned that what I ought to do is ask my mom and a few of my trusty friends. I am still learning this.
The specs
As of September 16 (1-month check-up)
- Weight: 7 lb 13 oz (10-25th percentile)
- Height: 21 in (50-75th percentile)
- Head: 13.75 in (5-10th percentile)
September 17 - Camille's first time at Jollibee.
September 20 - Chin's first day back at work. This was a sad day. Chin missed us so much that he had to come home for lunch. He didn't eat much. Just swooped up the little one and snuggled with her. GT came up to help me adjust to taking care of Camille without Chin. I'm SO thankful for her!
September 23 - My first day of being a full-time mom...flying solo. It went okay :)
September 26 - Camille decided to stay up ALL night. From midnight until 10am. With church starting at 11, we just packed her up and went to church...completely sleep-deprived, but we were glad that we went because of the great sermon on fellowshipping and the real sense of community that we felt when other parents surrounded us with support. We love our church!
September 29 - First time giving Camille a bath without Chin. Wow, that was harder than I thought. But, thankfully, I did not drop her.
October 1 - Camille attended her first wedding! She wore her first dress, thanks to her little friend Makayla!
 |
| Our little lady with the happiest couple of the evening, the Schultheisses! |
 |
| Our big booty girl |
 |
| Poo in the loo |
Favorite part...
Hard to say. But I think I am enjoying motherhood a little more since I'm getting more used to taking care of Camille. I am loving watching her develop her own personality, especially as she is learning to smile a bit more.
Least favorite...
Hands down: Chin going back to work. Followed by how stinkin' hard it is to put Camille to sleep at night.
Shout outs
...To all my friends who have been incredibly supportive in this not-always-natural breastfeeding journey.
...Again, to GT who came up to spend a few days with us as I adjusted to taking care of Camille without Chin. It was only a few days but it helped me a lot! Thank you, Sis!
...To these amazing Wee Gallery art cards given to Camille by Auntie Krista. Camille is really curious about them and is starting to spend a lot of time studying them.
 |
| Camille loves these black & white art cards! |
 |
| Note that her outfit says "Thank heaven for little boys" |
Discoveries & reflections
...I have started sitting in the front seat with Chin, leaving Camille to fend for herself in the backseat. Which is usually no problem since she often ends up falling asleep in a moving vehicle anyway!
...I really miss Chin after he went back to work. :(
...I felt that Camille would be nice and cute to everyone else...and would save her worst side for me. I expressed this in an email I sent to Chin the night before his first day back at work (composed in the middle of the night, in tears):
Hi Honey,
I already miss you so much!
Camille finally JUST fell asleep after being cranky for the past two and a half hours. You know how in "Happy Gilmore," Ben Stiller was mean to all the old people but was super nice to everyone else? I feel that Camille is Ben Stiller and I'm the old grandma. She shows her worst side to me and no one else sees it.
I am going to miss having you around all the time. You really are the best partner and best dad!
I love you and appreciate you very much, Chin. Can't wait to see you this afternoon!
Love you,
Bao
 |
| We lovingly named her "Jerk Baby" |
...If a baby has been awake all day, don't assume she will sleep at night. And if she slept the entire day, don't assume she'll stay up all night.
...I have fast, forceful milk letdown. I hate it!! Camille chokes on the milk and would become very frustrated. She would then unlatch and milk sprays everywhere (up to 15 inches)!! After researching a ton online, I decided to send out a desperate call for help in the form of an email to some of the best breastfeeding experts: my friends. I am so thankful for their responses. Many useful tips. But mostly just comfort and support for the weary. I am so grateful for these gals!
 |
| It's pretty easy to love her when she is this adorable |
...Camille would often get hungry just as soon as I start eating.
...I love watching how much Chin adores this little girl.
 |
| My favorite sets of furrowed brows in the whole world |
...I love the fact that Camille's crib is side-carred to our bed!!
...It is so frustrating to put Camille to bed. She would feed and fall asleep. As soon as I put her down, she'd wake up (for all you parents reading this, I can see you all nodding :P). She just wants to suck on something as she falls asleep...although she doesn't always take the pacifier right away. Oh no no. It takes us about 5-10 attempts each time to give her the pacifier. Once she latches on to the pacifier, it'd just be a matter of minutes before she falls asleep and it falls out of her mouth. And then we start all over again with the many attempts to get her to latch onto it. We both go back and forth with whether to let her "cry it out." Before we were pregnant, we were sure that we would go with the cry-it-out method and train her to sleep from a young age. During pregnancy, I started researching more into attachment parenting and found how emotionally scarring this method could be. Also, my parents embraced a lot of the attachment parenting philosophies (breastfeeding, elimination communication, co-sleeping, etc.) and, in many ways, I feel that they did parenting right. So, we decided not to do cry-it-out. But on nights where she was just a real jerk, it's really tempting.
...It is really okay to ignore bad advice.
...I tend to do a lot of research on the internet. I have learned that what I ought to do is ask my mom and a few of my trusty friends. I am still learning this.
 |
| She's 2 months old! |
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Rebellious Child
Years from now, when Camille is a bratty teenager, her mother and I will probably give her lectures about not staying up too late and sleeping in all day. "Well, if you didn't stay up all night, you'd be awake enough to for Church on Sunday" we'd tell her. She'd probably roll away from us in her bed and continue to sleep until we threaten to take away her 8.5G Iphone 17.
Rewind 16 or so years and we have Camille of today. The bratty newborn who refuses to sleep, holds Mommy and Daddy's rest at ransom with her demands to be held and fed... ALL NIGHT LONG.
Being the clever parents that we are, Bao and I have focused our efforts to keep Camille awake during the day with hopes that she will sleep better at night. We'd bathe her. We'd put her in a bouncy chair. We'd try to keep her still in her bed (which she usually hates at night). No good. She's dead to the world. We can pinch her cheeks, wave her arms, even lift her up by her armpits. The girl just does not wake up during the day. I suppose we could threaten to take away something from her; but when her only desires in life are to drink milk, get changed, sleep, and be held, we realize that we couldn't bring ourselves to take away a basic human right. We're not North Koreans.
What we're going through is the hard lesson that there's no negotiating with a baby. We are her slaves. Her servant leaders. We choose to sacrifice ourselves for her benefit, and still delight in all the nothing we get back from her. I guess we have her teenage years to look forward to. When we finally have some bargaining power.
Rewind 16 or so years and we have Camille of today. The bratty newborn who refuses to sleep, holds Mommy and Daddy's rest at ransom with her demands to be held and fed... ALL NIGHT LONG.
Being the clever parents that we are, Bao and I have focused our efforts to keep Camille awake during the day with hopes that she will sleep better at night. We'd bathe her. We'd put her in a bouncy chair. We'd try to keep her still in her bed (which she usually hates at night). No good. She's dead to the world. We can pinch her cheeks, wave her arms, even lift her up by her armpits. The girl just does not wake up during the day. I suppose we could threaten to take away something from her; but when her only desires in life are to drink milk, get changed, sleep, and be held, we realize that we couldn't bring ourselves to take away a basic human right. We're not North Koreans.
What we're going through is the hard lesson that there's no negotiating with a baby. We are her slaves. Her servant leaders. We choose to sacrifice ourselves for her benefit, and still delight in all the nothing we get back from her. I guess we have her teenage years to look forward to. When we finally have some bargaining power.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Six weeks!
Yes! Camille is six weeks old today. I can hardly believe how much our lives have changed in these past six weeks. I am so thankful for this wonderful gift. Sleep deprivation and all :)
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| Camille on her birth day |
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Camille's first month: A review
I've been jotting down these thoughts since the first week. Now, here they are.
The specs
As of August 14 (birthday!)
Milestones & important events
August 14 - Camille is born!
August 15 - I turned 30. Camille comes home from the hospital. We all go out to Maggiano's for dinner - Camille's first outing!
August 16 - The Ballews visited! Leaving Camille at home with Grandma Ng for the first time when we went out to dinner.
August 17 - I realized I am 30. I also realized that Camille is here to stay. As in, she's just going to keep growing and we have to raise her. It was a big day of realizations. A little scary.
August 19 - Being concerned that Camille might be borderline jaundiced, the clinic sent over a home health nurse with a bilirubin light bed.
August 29 - Camille's first time at Gordito's, home of the giant baby-sized burrito. We got a burrito for free when we agreed to let them take a picture of Camille next to it. :)
September 3 - Camille's first visit to the Microsoft Company Store!
September 5 - First road trip: to see grandparents in Longview & Portland!
September 9 - Celebrating Camille's one month/滿月/đầy tháng with a small party in Portland.
Favorite part...
Camille. I like her.
Least favorite...
I hate leaking milk. I hate it with a passion!
Shout outs
...Chin is the most wonderful baby daddy I could have ever picked! Score!
...I am so grateful for Chin's mom, Margaret, and my sister GT. They are two sort of unlikely people to take care of me in my postpartum period, but they turned out to be the best gifts!
...I was able to shower everyday this month. I'm very grateful to the people mentioned above for making this possible.
...Milk donors. You know who you are. The first few days of Camille's life, my milk supply was very low and Camille was not getting enough. I was told I had to supplement to prevent her from getting more jaundiced. Instead of supplementing with formula, I decided to ask friends and family members who had babies recently to donate their breast milk. This may sound weird or gross to you all. But, how well do you know that cow that provided the milk you drink? Eh? Eh?
...The sunshade for the car seat is pretty freakin' amazing. I won it through a giveaway (of course) and it is sold at this Etsy shop: Shades4Babes.
...The My Brestfriend nursing pillow. It's niiice. I used it all the time in the first 2-3 weeks.
Discoveries & reflections
...When Camille was first born, I knew I loved her right away. But she was wrinkly and looked a little weird. I don't think I really started bonding with her until maybe the third week. I mean truly bonded with her.
...We gave Camille the nickname "Worm." This is because she canNOT stop squirming! This explains why there were days that she would move for 6 hours straight in-utero!
...It pays to trust myself, my baby, and God.
...Sometimes, she's just not done pooping.
...Breastfeeding...well, let's just say I'm a fan, but not an air conditioner.
...I had about 12 pairs of nursing pads and I thought, "Hey, that's a lot." I've since realized that, you know what, I can't have too many.
...I am very protective of my expressed (pumped) milk. Chin accidentally threw out a bag of milk once and I almost lost it.
...A smile is a smile. Even if it's an unintentional, gassy smile. It still melts the heart just the same.
...Since Camille hasn't learned how to smile socially yet, it always seems that she doesn't like me. I keep telling Chin this theory and he says I'm crazy. I am not crazy. I don't think she likes me.
...When I burp Camille, it is more often that I will burp.
...I love having Chin at home (he's taking 4 weeks of paternity leave off + 1 week of vacation)!
...Whenever we go out, I've been sitting in the backseat with Camille most of the time. And, I gotta admit, I miss sitting next to Chin.
...It's so true what they say about sleep deprivation. It .... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ...
...I love my mom more than ever before.
The specs
As of August 14 (birthday!)
- Weight: 6 lb 12 oz
- Height: 18.75 in
Milestones & important events
August 14 - Camille is born!
August 15 - I turned 30. Camille comes home from the hospital. We all go out to Maggiano's for dinner - Camille's first outing!
 |
| I am 30 |
August 17 - I realized I am 30. I also realized that Camille is here to stay. As in, she's just going to keep growing and we have to raise her. It was a big day of realizations. A little scary.
August 19 - Being concerned that Camille might be borderline jaundiced, the clinic sent over a home health nurse with a bilirubin light bed.
 |
| Our little glow worm |
August 20 - Late that night, I had a sudden fever of 103 and went to the ER where they discovered that I had a UTI and a kidney infection. Aaaaawesome...
August 21 - Chin turned 32 (at the ER, in fact). We celebrated at Old Country Buffet.
August 24 - Camille's first time at Paseo's...and a lovely picnic at Greenlake with us & GT.
 |
| Camille + Gordito's burrito grande |
September 5 - First road trip: to see grandparents in Longview & Portland!
September 9 - Celebrating Camille's one month/滿月/đầy tháng with a small party in Portland.
Favorite part...
Camille. I like her.
Least favorite...
I hate leaking milk. I hate it with a passion!
Shout outs
...Chin is the most wonderful baby daddy I could have ever picked! Score!
...I am so grateful for Chin's mom, Margaret, and my sister GT. They are two sort of unlikely people to take care of me in my postpartum period, but they turned out to be the best gifts!
...I was able to shower everyday this month. I'm very grateful to the people mentioned above for making this possible.
...Milk donors. You know who you are. The first few days of Camille's life, my milk supply was very low and Camille was not getting enough. I was told I had to supplement to prevent her from getting more jaundiced. Instead of supplementing with formula, I decided to ask friends and family members who had babies recently to donate their breast milk. This may sound weird or gross to you all. But, how well do you know that cow that provided the milk you drink? Eh? Eh?
...The sunshade for the car seat is pretty freakin' amazing. I won it through a giveaway (of course) and it is sold at this Etsy shop: Shades4Babes.
...The My Brestfriend nursing pillow. It's niiice. I used it all the time in the first 2-3 weeks.
Discoveries & reflections
...When Camille was first born, I knew I loved her right away. But she was wrinkly and looked a little weird. I don't think I really started bonding with her until maybe the third week. I mean truly bonded with her.
...We gave Camille the nickname "Worm." This is because she canNOT stop squirming! This explains why there were days that she would move for 6 hours straight in-utero!
...It pays to trust myself, my baby, and God.
...Sometimes, she's just not done pooping.
...Breastfeeding...well, let's just say I'm a fan, but not an air conditioner.
...I had about 12 pairs of nursing pads and I thought, "Hey, that's a lot." I've since realized that, you know what, I can't have too many.
...I am very protective of my expressed (pumped) milk. Chin accidentally threw out a bag of milk once and I almost lost it.
...A smile is a smile. Even if it's an unintentional, gassy smile. It still melts the heart just the same.
...Since Camille hasn't learned how to smile socially yet, it always seems that she doesn't like me. I keep telling Chin this theory and he says I'm crazy. I am not crazy. I don't think she likes me.
...When I burp Camille, it is more often that I will burp.
...I love having Chin at home (he's taking 4 weeks of paternity leave off + 1 week of vacation)!
...Whenever we go out, I've been sitting in the backseat with Camille most of the time. And, I gotta admit, I miss sitting next to Chin.
...It's so true what they say about sleep deprivation. It .... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ...
...I love my mom more than ever before.
 |
| Camille is one month old |
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Camille's birth story
This is the account of Camille's birth...starting a few days before she was born. A story written by Chin, Bao, and Tara (our doula). :) It's kind of a long story. So if you just want to read the exciting part, scroll down to Saturday 8/14.
Tuesday 8/10
Major nesting with laundering all the baby clothes and sorting out stuff to give away.
Wednesday 8/11
Appointment with Judy Lowe:
Grandma & Grandpa Ng gave Camille a Chinese name: 吳妙君...meaning, her Vietnamese name is: Ngô Diệu Quân.
Tara (our doula) came over for a visit and we went through birth preferences, formulating a plan to go over with Chin later that night. We also discussed comfort measures and coping mechanisms for birth. Tara offered a book to look at and Bao said, “No thanks, I don’t think I will have time to go through it.” Whether or not Group Health permits mothers to eat in labor is a concern. Bao confirmed she has her snack bag packed (though the hospital bag was not).
Thursday 8/12
More nesting. Purchased another dresser for the bedroom (Craigslist once again saves the day!). Feeling a little more “complete.”
Chin’s thoughts: “Man that dresser was big.” I do think the room is ready for the arrival of Camille. Bao has done a great job of visioning for how our home can be transformed to best accommodate our new family composition. I’m just the muscle to move it all. (Well, me and Wayman.)
Bao made delicious pasta and sauce - carbo loading for the marathon!
Bao shared article regarding national hospital policy and evidence related to eating in labor. Tara called Group Health and confirmed that Bao can eat solids to her heart's content and if she opts for an epidural, then clear liquids.
Bao couldn’t sleep. Too excited! Lots on mind: What else do I need to do? Why have I been slacking all this time? What if she comes tonight?!
Friday 8/13
9:00 - Woke up with a sore throat. Swished with salt water. It's probably just postnasal drainage because of allergies (high pollen count these past few days).
9:15 - I’m pretty sure I saw the mucus plug in the toilet. Ctx coming more frequently and I need to breathe through them.
10:00 - Chin’s Weber Q100 grill came. Washed beddings. Chin’s thoughts: My first thought when I heard the Weber grill arrived was, "That pretty much confirms that Camille is coming today."
10:15 - Called BaMa.
10:20 - Called Tara. Started packing stuff for the hospital.
10:30 - Realized that this was probably it since ctx were getting more regular. Wrote to Chin on Gmail chat: Ctx 5 mins apart. More painful. I think you need to come home at noon if possible.
11:00 - Chin came home.
11:15 - Chin called Mom & Dad. Mom started driving up with Grandma.
11:30 - Tara came over. Ctx 2-7 mins apart and pain at peak was about 5 or 6. Coping with ctx by stopping to breathe through them. Bao jokingly said, “Tara, did you bring sterile gloves?” Tara said, referring to the maximum of 4 dilation checks requested in the birth plan, “Do you want to use one of your four checks now?”
11:40 - Called Family Beginnings Unit (FBU). Encouraged to rest, eat and call back if unable to sleep through pain.
2:00 - Ctx slowed down significantly (~10-20 mins apart).
2:30 - Took a 30-40 min nap w/Tara. Chin made final preparations and cleaned (Roomba!). He was going to look on YouTube for a demo on how to fold fitted sheets. Tara shared her grandma’s method.
3:00 - Ctx about 20-60 mins apart. Chin made pasta and we had leftover chocolate birthday cake for dessert.
4:30 - Went to Factoria Mall & Threads for Kids (consignment store) w/Tara to walk. Even did squats and lunges at Target. It was so hot outside! Had some ctx, one intense one and sat in rocker in consignment store. Picked out some lovely little outfits for Camille. We checked mail on the way home, and there were no prizes; Bao noted this as being unusual.
8:30 - Tara went home so family could spend time together
8:45 - BaMa & GT & Co Sau arrive at hotel. Bao hoped this isn’t a false alarm. Ba said it is okay if it is. Relieved.
9:15 - Mom, Chung, & Alice came over to see us at the apartment.
9:30 - BaMa, GT, & Co Sau came over to see us at the apartment.
11:00 - Finished up some blog posts...and entered a couple of giveaways.
Saturday 8/14
3:40 - Bao felt a strong kick/pop. But not where a kick should be. Felt like it was around the cervix. “My water broke,” Bao thought. Got up and there was no leakage. Went to the bathroom. A strong ctx came and Bao leaned over the exercise ball. A gush of fluid came out. Sho’ nuff, water broke.
3:45 - Bao woke Chin up.
3:52 - Chin called Tara, “Bao is definitely feeling something different now, we are going to the hospital.”
4:07 - Left for hospital. Hit every single red light on the way to Capitol Hill. Chin got frustrated but Bao, thinking that she was only 5-7cms dilated, was okay waiting through the red lights.
4:25-4:30 - Arrived at hospital. Asked for a wheel chair. Bao had to wait through a few ctx before making the trip up to the 3rd floor at FBU.
4:35 - Arrived in hospital room, bypassing triage. Bao asked nurses (obviously, this was between contractions), “Is this the biggest room you have available right now? Because I have a really big family.” This was the only room available. And it didn’t have the cool reclining tub. Bummer! In short space of moving from wheel chair to bed, contractions demanded all of Bao’s focus - labored on the ground on all fours. Vocalizing with contractions, Tara suggested to go deep and low with sound, release tension and allow cervix to open. Lots of deep groaning. Thoughts going through Bao’s mind, remembering Judy Lowe’s advice, "I need to open up here (mouth) to open down there (birth canal).” Lots more groans and moans with complete abandon. "I'm an animal!"
4:37 - Chin was done unloading car and parking it (he's speedy!). He called family to let them know we are at the hospital. He then got down on his knees next to Bao, firmly grabbed her hand and said, “I am right here, Honey!”
4:40 - “I need something! Right now! Can you...please...call the anesthesiologist?” said Bao. Thoughts going through Bao’s mind, “I am probably 5-7cm dilated. I think there’s still a window of opportunity to get an epidural. But I have a doula! What a waste to get an epidural. But I feel like my butt is being smashed by a sledge hammer. I need something! Okay, gotta focus...on, whatever.” Bao requested Tara and student midwife (Sam) to do the hip squeeze. Tara noted that Bao was not using her secret code song (The Christmas Shoes Song, because Bao hates it so much...so, bringing herself to singing it would mean it's really important) to indicate that she truly wanted this medication, and she was not requesting drugs between contractions...yet. She hoped the next break between contractions is long enough (since they have been coming one on top of each other) to do something different to help modulate the pain ... then someone (?) suggested she might be almost complete and everything changed.
4:45 - “We need to check you first. You need to get on the bed,” said the nurse. “What is the best way to get her on the bed?” Chin asked. “Well, let’s see, she needs to get up on the bed,” nurse responded. In the 3 seconds between ctx, some supernatural power came over Bao and she leaped off the floor, onto the bed, and on her back.
4:50 - “You are complete. You can start pushing anytime you want to,” said Sam, the midwifery student. Bao’s thoughts, “WHAT?! Complete?! I thought maybe I was 5-7cm dilated!” ...“Do you want to start?” Bao: “Yes! I can’t believe I made it to 10!” Bao was encouraged from all sides, Chin, Judy Lazarus (main midwife), Sam (midwifery student), and Tara (doula) as she followed her body’s lead and pushes.
4:52 - Chin set up video camera. During one ctx, Bao yelled out, “Camille, I can’t wait to meet you!”
4:55 - Ctx started and started pushing. The words of Theresa (the lady at our favorite autobody shop) rang in Bao’s ears, “Push like it is the biggest turd of your life!” Bao looked like she was holding up a mountain with incredible strength and focus as she pushed. Although, the face of a laboring woman pushing out a baby is not the prettiest - Bao was keenly aware of this and completely didn't care. At one point, Sam asked if Bao wanted to reach down and feel the head. Bao’s thought, “It feels like a little bubble.” About 3-4 pushes later, Bao reached down to feel the head again and this time, there was much more to feel: a wrinkly head of hair! Judy Lazarus (main midwife) went to fetch a mirror so Bao could see what was going on. “I can’t see anything,” said Bao. Everyone is puzzled. “I don’t have my glasses.” After donning glasses, Bao could see things clearly...but everything looked too chaotic so she waved her hand and said, “Nah, I’ll just imagine it.”
5:10 - “I can feel the ring [of fire]!!” said Bao. Midwife said, “I bet you can!” Bao’s thoughts, “If I push effectively, I won’t feel the ring anymore.” Because nobody has had a chance to read the birth plan, Tara asked Chin if he still wanted to catch Camille. Chin responded that he does and Sam said, “I have done this before.” The nurses got gloves for Chin and suggested a gown because he was wearing a white t-shirt. He said he didn't mind getting dirty. Tara joked that his clothes would be a keepsake.
5:12 - Head out.
5:13 - Camille Ng is born! Chin caught Camille and she was placed on Bao’s abdomen while cord stops pulsing. She started crying right away. The meconium-stained butt was an indication that she had just pooped as she was making her exit. Chin didn’t hear anyone call the time so he took the honor of doing so, “5:13 and a half.” Chin started crying as he said his first hello to Camille. Chin cut Camille’s cord. Camille is quiet and alert, taking in her new environment.
Apgars were 9 and 9.
Chin asked, “Can I hold her?” Nurse said okay but she wanted to do a well baby exam and then swaddle her for Chin. During the exam, Camille was on her belly and she pushed through her little legs so that her bottom raises high up into the air and surprises everyone as she looks like she was about to leap off the table. She weighed in at 6 lbs. 11.6 oz. and 18 3/4 inches long. Bao’s dad called on the phone and Chin relayed the stats to him. Then Camille is wrapped and put into Chin’s arms.
Bao held Camille and exclaimed, “I can’t believe it happened! I can’t believe she is here!”
Bao had first degree tearing and was meticulously stitched up by Sam. Bao commented that the swelling in her feet decreased remarkably.
First feed, nurse put Camille skin to skin and her first nursing position is a football hold. Bao noted that Camille had perfect latch right away!
Tuesday 8/10
Major nesting with laundering all the baby clothes and sorting out stuff to give away.
 |
| Ikea 8-drawer Hemnes dresser - Camille's |
Wednesday 8/11
Appointment with Judy Lowe:
- 70% effaced
- 3 cm dilated
- +1 station (yes, PLUS 1)
- bag is bulging
- baby at ~7 pounds (maybe a couple of ounces over)
- "I think baby will be here by this weekend," Judy predicted. Bao thought it'll be next week.
Grandma & Grandpa Ng gave Camille a Chinese name: 吳妙君...meaning, her Vietnamese name is: Ngô Diệu Quân.
Tara (our doula) came over for a visit and we went through birth preferences, formulating a plan to go over with Chin later that night. We also discussed comfort measures and coping mechanisms for birth. Tara offered a book to look at and Bao said, “No thanks, I don’t think I will have time to go through it.” Whether or not Group Health permits mothers to eat in labor is a concern. Bao confirmed she has her snack bag packed (though the hospital bag was not).
Thursday 8/12
More nesting. Purchased another dresser for the bedroom (Craigslist once again saves the day!). Feeling a little more “complete.”
Chin’s thoughts: “Man that dresser was big.” I do think the room is ready for the arrival of Camille. Bao has done a great job of visioning for how our home can be transformed to best accommodate our new family composition. I’m just the muscle to move it all. (Well, me and Wayman.)
 |
| Ikea 6-drawer Hemnes dresser - Chin & Bao's |
Bao shared article regarding national hospital policy and evidence related to eating in labor. Tara called Group Health and confirmed that Bao can eat solids to her heart's content and if she opts for an epidural, then clear liquids.
Bao couldn’t sleep. Too excited! Lots on mind: What else do I need to do? Why have I been slacking all this time? What if she comes tonight?!
Friday 8/13
9:00 - Woke up with a sore throat. Swished with salt water. It's probably just postnasal drainage because of allergies (high pollen count these past few days).
9:15 - I’m pretty sure I saw the mucus plug in the toilet. Ctx coming more frequently and I need to breathe through them.
10:00 - Chin’s Weber Q100 grill came. Washed beddings. Chin’s thoughts: My first thought when I heard the Weber grill arrived was, "That pretty much confirms that Camille is coming today."
 |
| Weber Q100 |
10:20 - Called Tara. Started packing stuff for the hospital.
10:30 - Realized that this was probably it since ctx were getting more regular. Wrote to Chin on Gmail chat: Ctx 5 mins apart. More painful. I think you need to come home at noon if possible.
11:00 - Chin came home.
11:15 - Chin called Mom & Dad. Mom started driving up with Grandma.
11:30 - Tara came over. Ctx 2-7 mins apart and pain at peak was about 5 or 6. Coping with ctx by stopping to breathe through them. Bao jokingly said, “Tara, did you bring sterile gloves?” Tara said, referring to the maximum of 4 dilation checks requested in the birth plan, “Do you want to use one of your four checks now?”
 |
| Chin massaging Bao on the birth ball |
2:00 - Ctx slowed down significantly (~10-20 mins apart).
2:30 - Took a 30-40 min nap w/Tara. Chin made final preparations and cleaned (Roomba!). He was going to look on YouTube for a demo on how to fold fitted sheets. Tara shared her grandma’s method.
3:00 - Ctx about 20-60 mins apart. Chin made pasta and we had leftover chocolate birthday cake for dessert.
4:30 - Went to Factoria Mall & Threads for Kids (consignment store) w/Tara to walk. Even did squats and lunges at Target. It was so hot outside! Had some ctx, one intense one and sat in rocker in consignment store. Picked out some lovely little outfits for Camille. We checked mail on the way home, and there were no prizes; Bao noted this as being unusual.
8:30 - Tara went home so family could spend time together
8:45 - BaMa & GT & Co Sau arrive at hotel. Bao hoped this isn’t a false alarm. Ba said it is okay if it is. Relieved.
9:15 - Mom, Chung, & Alice came over to see us at the apartment.
9:30 - BaMa, GT, & Co Sau came over to see us at the apartment.
11:00 - Finished up some blog posts...and entered a couple of giveaways.
Saturday 8/14
3:40 - Bao felt a strong kick/pop. But not where a kick should be. Felt like it was around the cervix. “My water broke,” Bao thought. Got up and there was no leakage. Went to the bathroom. A strong ctx came and Bao leaned over the exercise ball. A gush of fluid came out. Sho’ nuff, water broke.
3:45 - Bao woke Chin up.
3:52 - Chin called Tara, “Bao is definitely feeling something different now, we are going to the hospital.”
4:07 - Left for hospital. Hit every single red light on the way to Capitol Hill. Chin got frustrated but Bao, thinking that she was only 5-7cms dilated, was okay waiting through the red lights.
4:25-4:30 - Arrived at hospital. Asked for a wheel chair. Bao had to wait through a few ctx before making the trip up to the 3rd floor at FBU.
4:35 - Arrived in hospital room, bypassing triage. Bao asked nurses (obviously, this was between contractions), “Is this the biggest room you have available right now? Because I have a really big family.” This was the only room available. And it didn’t have the cool reclining tub. Bummer! In short space of moving from wheel chair to bed, contractions demanded all of Bao’s focus - labored on the ground on all fours. Vocalizing with contractions, Tara suggested to go deep and low with sound, release tension and allow cervix to open. Lots of deep groaning. Thoughts going through Bao’s mind, remembering Judy Lowe’s advice, "I need to open up here (mouth) to open down there (birth canal).” Lots more groans and moans with complete abandon. "I'm an animal!"
4:37 - Chin was done unloading car and parking it (he's speedy!). He called family to let them know we are at the hospital. He then got down on his knees next to Bao, firmly grabbed her hand and said, “I am right here, Honey!”
4:40 - “I need something! Right now! Can you...please...call the anesthesiologist?” said Bao. Thoughts going through Bao’s mind, “I am probably 5-7cm dilated. I think there’s still a window of opportunity to get an epidural. But I have a doula! What a waste to get an epidural. But I feel like my butt is being smashed by a sledge hammer. I need something! Okay, gotta focus...on, whatever.” Bao requested Tara and student midwife (Sam) to do the hip squeeze. Tara noted that Bao was not using her secret code song (The Christmas Shoes Song, because Bao hates it so much...so, bringing herself to singing it would mean it's really important) to indicate that she truly wanted this medication, and she was not requesting drugs between contractions...yet. She hoped the next break between contractions is long enough (since they have been coming one on top of each other) to do something different to help modulate the pain ... then someone (?) suggested she might be almost complete and everything changed.
4:45 - “We need to check you first. You need to get on the bed,” said the nurse. “What is the best way to get her on the bed?” Chin asked. “Well, let’s see, she needs to get up on the bed,” nurse responded. In the 3 seconds between ctx, some supernatural power came over Bao and she leaped off the floor, onto the bed, and on her back.
4:50 - “You are complete. You can start pushing anytime you want to,” said Sam, the midwifery student. Bao’s thoughts, “WHAT?! Complete?! I thought maybe I was 5-7cm dilated!” ...“Do you want to start?” Bao: “Yes! I can’t believe I made it to 10!” Bao was encouraged from all sides, Chin, Judy Lazarus (main midwife), Sam (midwifery student), and Tara (doula) as she followed her body’s lead and pushes.
4:52 - Chin set up video camera. During one ctx, Bao yelled out, “Camille, I can’t wait to meet you!”
 |
| Smiles between contractions |
5:10 - “I can feel the ring [of fire]!!” said Bao. Midwife said, “I bet you can!” Bao’s thoughts, “If I push effectively, I won’t feel the ring anymore.” Because nobody has had a chance to read the birth plan, Tara asked Chin if he still wanted to catch Camille. Chin responded that he does and Sam said, “I have done this before.” The nurses got gloves for Chin and suggested a gown because he was wearing a white t-shirt. He said he didn't mind getting dirty. Tara joked that his clothes would be a keepsake.
5:12 - Head out.
5:13 - Camille Ng is born! Chin caught Camille and she was placed on Bao’s abdomen while cord stops pulsing. She started crying right away. The meconium-stained butt was an indication that she had just pooped as she was making her exit. Chin didn’t hear anyone call the time so he took the honor of doing so, “5:13 and a half.” Chin started crying as he said his first hello to Camille. Chin cut Camille’s cord. Camille is quiet and alert, taking in her new environment.
Apgars were 9 and 9.
Chin asked, “Can I hold her?” Nurse said okay but she wanted to do a well baby exam and then swaddle her for Chin. During the exam, Camille was on her belly and she pushed through her little legs so that her bottom raises high up into the air and surprises everyone as she looks like she was about to leap off the table. She weighed in at 6 lbs. 11.6 oz. and 18 3/4 inches long. Bao’s dad called on the phone and Chin relayed the stats to him. Then Camille is wrapped and put into Chin’s arms.
Bao held Camille and exclaimed, “I can’t believe it happened! I can’t believe she is here!”
Bao had first degree tearing and was meticulously stitched up by Sam. Bao commented that the swelling in her feet decreased remarkably.
First feed, nurse put Camille skin to skin and her first nursing position is a football hold. Bao noted that Camille had perfect latch right away!
 |
| Our family just grew! |
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Sweet Penelope
Today is Penelope Emmanuelle Ng's birthday. A year ago, at 9:20am, we had the exquisite opportunity to meet our firstborn child, Penelope. She was so sweet.
This blog post is dedicated to her and it recounts our journey in harboring this child in our hearts. From a mother's perspective...
On April 26, 2009, we found out that we were pregnant! The subsequent weeks were blissful. I had some nausea and gagging...but it was all worth it.
On July 29th, as we went in for a routine, mid-pregnancy ultrasound (anxiously waiting for "it's a girl!" or "it's a boy!"), we were told that our baby had many severe health problems and she would most likely die in-utero in not too long.
Blessed be Your Name
As we left the ultrasound appointment, I started singing, "Blessed be Your Name" while tears flowed endlessly down my face. "He gives and takes away. He gives and takes away. My heart will choose to say, 'Lord, blessed be Your Name.'" Really? Really...kind of. Yeah, really.
Penelope Emmanuelle
We found out that our baby "Peanut" (that was our nickname for her) was a girl and that she had Turner Syndrome. Chin named her Penelope because it sounded like "peanut" (but she was also named after the character of Penelope from Homer's Odyssey - wise, beautiful, and faithful). I gave her "Emmanuelle" as a middle name because it means "God is with us." God is with us.
Mourning the loss of what could be
The days following that horrible news were surreal. I woke up every morning having to remind myself, "Your baby will die soon, if she isn't already dead. You are the mother of a dying baby." Nobody wants to wake up to that kind of message. I certainly didn't. But I had to repeat it over and over in the morning so I was never under the illusion that it was some ultrasound error. I had to accept that it was real.
Chin and I would often cry when we thought about not being able to take Penelope out to dim sum, or introducing her to the swings, or lecturing her about boys. We were mourning "what could be." When we found that we were just mourning our ideals of what could happen, we were able to say, "We could still have this for our next child. After all, these are simply our expectations of a perfect world."
Don't look at your circumstances
We prayed. We prayed for Penelope to get better. As we prayed, my sister-in-law, Chị Nhật Uyên told us to not look at our circumstances, but to look to God. Circumstances change but God is our only constant. Praying in that spirit and with that posture, we were able to find comfort in the only thing that was unshakable in our lives.
Like a breeze
We found out on August 17th that Penelope had passed away in-utero. Two days later, on August 19th, she was still born at nearly 22 weeks. She was beautiful. We cremated her remains and scattered her ashes in the Puget Sound/Pacific Ocean.
"God needed another angel"...and other equally obscene condolences
During the days following Penelope's passing, we got a lot of messages of condolences. Many of them lifted our spirits and let us know that we are so loved by our community. Some of them are insanely ridiculous. I called them "W.T.F." condolences. Even though they were obscene, they did provide us with a little bit of entertainment. To name a few:
"When God closes a door, He opens a window."
"God needed another angel."
"Oh, I know someone who has Turner's. She's fine. Your baby didn't make it?"
"You are still young."
"Oh, your baby died? That's so sad! Well, maybe you'll be lucky next time."
I was going to write about why I thought these were ridiculous...but I thought, "No, they hardly require any explanation."
The messages that we found to be most encouraging were those that expressed how people prayed until the end, and that maybe they don't know what to say. Short & sweet messages from the heart were the best.
Joy comes with the mourning
It is said that, "Though sorrow may last through the night, joy comes in the morning." (Psalm 30:5) But I felt joy right away. Possibly as soon as I started singing, "Blessed be Your Name." Joy that comes through an irksome situation doesn't taste the same as joy that comes in happy happy times. It tasted...maybe savory...or an acquired taste (like bitter melon or durian). But it was joy, make no mistake about it.
Trust
It honestly wasn't hard to trust God again. I never lost trust in God. Never blamed Him. And I never asked him, "Why?" I felt that God had His reasons and I already feel so loved. If I were to ask, "Why did You take my baby from me?"...why should I not ask, "Why did You decide to save me from the depths?"
God is sovereign. Always.
Another go at it
A few days after Christmas of 2009 (Penelope's supposed due date), we found out that we were pregnant again...with Camille. I must admit that the first part of our pregnancy was sprinkled with anxiety. I asked a lot of people to pray for us when we went in for our mid-pregnancy ultrasound (as that was when we found out that Penelope had her health problems). By the time that mid-pregnancy ultrasound rolled around, we had solidly found peace and had complete trust in God. Thank you all for praying!
"Is this your first baby?"
This is the question many people asked us during our pregnancy with Camille. I always have to pause but would often answer, "Yes, it is." Simply to avoid so many questions.
In our hearts, Penelope will always be our first born.
Happy birthday, Sweet Girl. Mommy miss you & love you very much. You are an ache in my heart that will never fade.
This blog post is dedicated to her and it recounts our journey in harboring this child in our hearts. From a mother's perspective...
On April 26, 2009, we found out that we were pregnant! The subsequent weeks were blissful. I had some nausea and gagging...but it was all worth it.
On July 29th, as we went in for a routine, mid-pregnancy ultrasound (anxiously waiting for "it's a girl!" or "it's a boy!"), we were told that our baby had many severe health problems and she would most likely die in-utero in not too long.
Blessed be Your Name
As we left the ultrasound appointment, I started singing, "Blessed be Your Name" while tears flowed endlessly down my face. "He gives and takes away. He gives and takes away. My heart will choose to say, 'Lord, blessed be Your Name.'" Really? Really...kind of. Yeah, really.
Penelope Emmanuelle
We found out that our baby "Peanut" (that was our nickname for her) was a girl and that she had Turner Syndrome. Chin named her Penelope because it sounded like "peanut" (but she was also named after the character of Penelope from Homer's Odyssey - wise, beautiful, and faithful). I gave her "Emmanuelle" as a middle name because it means "God is with us." God is with us.
Mourning the loss of what could be
The days following that horrible news were surreal. I woke up every morning having to remind myself, "Your baby will die soon, if she isn't already dead. You are the mother of a dying baby." Nobody wants to wake up to that kind of message. I certainly didn't. But I had to repeat it over and over in the morning so I was never under the illusion that it was some ultrasound error. I had to accept that it was real.
Chin and I would often cry when we thought about not being able to take Penelope out to dim sum, or introducing her to the swings, or lecturing her about boys. We were mourning "what could be." When we found that we were just mourning our ideals of what could happen, we were able to say, "We could still have this for our next child. After all, these are simply our expectations of a perfect world."
Don't look at your circumstances
We prayed. We prayed for Penelope to get better. As we prayed, my sister-in-law, Chị Nhật Uyên told us to not look at our circumstances, but to look to God. Circumstances change but God is our only constant. Praying in that spirit and with that posture, we were able to find comfort in the only thing that was unshakable in our lives.
Like a breeze
We found out on August 17th that Penelope had passed away in-utero. Two days later, on August 19th, she was still born at nearly 22 weeks. She was beautiful. We cremated her remains and scattered her ashes in the Puget Sound/Pacific Ocean.
"God needed another angel"...and other equally obscene condolences
During the days following Penelope's passing, we got a lot of messages of condolences. Many of them lifted our spirits and let us know that we are so loved by our community. Some of them are insanely ridiculous. I called them "W.T.F." condolences. Even though they were obscene, they did provide us with a little bit of entertainment. To name a few:
"When God closes a door, He opens a window."
"God needed another angel."
"Oh, I know someone who has Turner's. She's fine. Your baby didn't make it?"
"You are still young."
"Oh, your baby died? That's so sad! Well, maybe you'll be lucky next time."
I was going to write about why I thought these were ridiculous...but I thought, "No, they hardly require any explanation."
The messages that we found to be most encouraging were those that expressed how people prayed until the end, and that maybe they don't know what to say. Short & sweet messages from the heart were the best.
Joy comes with the mourning
It is said that, "Though sorrow may last through the night, joy comes in the morning." (Psalm 30:5) But I felt joy right away. Possibly as soon as I started singing, "Blessed be Your Name." Joy that comes through an irksome situation doesn't taste the same as joy that comes in happy happy times. It tasted...maybe savory...or an acquired taste (like bitter melon or durian). But it was joy, make no mistake about it.
Trust
It honestly wasn't hard to trust God again. I never lost trust in God. Never blamed Him. And I never asked him, "Why?" I felt that God had His reasons and I already feel so loved. If I were to ask, "Why did You take my baby from me?"...why should I not ask, "Why did You decide to save me from the depths?"
God is sovereign. Always.
Another go at it
A few days after Christmas of 2009 (Penelope's supposed due date), we found out that we were pregnant again...with Camille. I must admit that the first part of our pregnancy was sprinkled with anxiety. I asked a lot of people to pray for us when we went in for our mid-pregnancy ultrasound (as that was when we found out that Penelope had her health problems). By the time that mid-pregnancy ultrasound rolled around, we had solidly found peace and had complete trust in God. Thank you all for praying!
"Is this your first baby?"
This is the question many people asked us during our pregnancy with Camille. I always have to pause but would often answer, "Yes, it is." Simply to avoid so many questions.
In our hearts, Penelope will always be our first born.
Happy birthday, Sweet Girl. Mommy miss you & love you very much. You are an ache in my heart that will never fade.
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